[HLulu]

I've been with my guy for over a year, I love him and I'm always telling him and trying my best to show him. I'm always thinking about him and doing all little things I can just to surprise him or make him feel good. The thing is he doent do anything like that for me, I wonder if he thinks about me like that. I know he loves me but it makes me feel sad that he doesn't feel excited or tries to impress me like I know he has with previous girlfriends, in particular one. You all know the feeling when you're with someone and you can't do enough for them and make them feel good. He hasn't ever bought me a present for my birthday or christmas or whatever, don't get me wrong its not material goods that bother me but that he doesn't think about getting me something to show he cares. I know he's done this for his last girlfriend. Aso he took loads of pictures of her but he never takes them of me. He doesn't like going out he says but I know for a fact he always went out with her. :-/ I don't know what to feel, he says the present is what matters and I shouldn't compare relationships. The thing is I know he loves me, but I don't know if he really is madly in love with me like he was with her, even though he says he is. Am I expecting too much?

[Jake2008]

Relationships move at different paces sometimes. Your boyfriend may very well love you, but, as he found out with his last girlfriend, all the attention, presents, and going out on the town with her, didn't do anything, other than empty is wallet. He could also be moving at a slower pace, before he invests himself emotionally by showing it more, because of his past relationships too. The failed relationships have probably got him being more cautious.

Ease up on the expectations, gifts, and shows of affection. I would think that would have him feeling pressured to do the same, and you might be doing and giving too much, too soon, too fast.

Instead, work on the relationship itself, without any expectations.

I do think that a special occasion deserves a gift, such as your birthday, but, maybe your birthday happened six months ago, and maybe it was just too soon for him, or he wasn't sure, or didn't want to test those waters by showing he was as in love with you, as you are/were with him, at the time.

While he is telling you not to compare relationships, which is good advice, he may very well be doing the same thing, and that is holding him back. Give him more time, and more space, without expectations of love being shown, via material ways.

It could be too, that with his past girlfriend, he did all the gift buying and showering affection on her, to keep her happy. It wasn't him doing it because he necessarily loved her, but perhaps it was the only way he could keep her, because it was her expectations of how the relationship would be. He may be testing the waters a bit here, to make sure you aren't like her in that way.

Look instead, for now, for other qualities by which to judge, such as loyalty, reliability, fidelity, honesty, ability to communicate, honourable, etc. If he is any of those things, rely on them to build the relationship, and less on what you expect by way of gifts etc. Those charachteristics are far more valuable in a relationship.

[talaniman]

He is right about one thing, you shouldn't compare relationships, and be aware that he may have changed a lot from when he was with the other girl. And he is with you, and they are broken up, so if you don't want the same results, don't be jealous of what they did.

However, you are entitled to some sort of reassurance sometimes, since you are together, and he should listen to some of your concerns if you are not making this a big nagging point, but I honestly think you are a bit insecure and needy, and that may keep you from appreciating what he does right, or accepting him for who he is now, especially if he has been the same way since this whole thing started.

Just because he doesn't return what you do the same way, maybe he shows his feelings in a different way than you do.

[answerme_tender]

I understand if he doesn't have the money. Or even if he didn't feel the need to purchase gifts just to reassure you of his affections. However I was brought up that if someone is giving you a gift and you cannot give one in return, then you shouldn't accept it,and explain that you are unable to afford this and there are other things you can do together as friends or a couple. But I would find it extremely rude and hurtful that if I continuously gave gifts and they were accepted, yet never given, nor was any explanation given to just as affordablity.
Also if you are giving and never receiving you might to remember you can purchase his affections. It seems that he just isn't as into you as you are to him. Why should he be, you have proven to him your willing to accept any crumbs of affection from him. Are you willing to accept that in a relationship.
Maybe its time to move on--dont you want something more in a relationship. Don't you want to be shown affection for just being there next to your young mans side. Being there and showing love is the one gift that should always be returned. It doesn't cost a dime, it should be given for free. Good luck

[beachloverjohn]

You know he loves you? Why, because he told you? I'm not going to sugar coat this. When somebody says they love you but all they are interested in is how you can enhance their life, then it is not love. If that person can't improve your life , then it is not love. If the're not allowing you to be yourself and accepting you as you are then it is not love.

And if the words "I love you" are not paired with action, then it is not LOVE.