[california_girl]

I don't know what to do. I am constantly finding my husbands hidden porn. I have tried everything, from talking to him, trying new things in bed, changing the way I look, and even buying some for him. He just gets really mad that I found it; he will not talk to me. I have asked him if he has any fantasies and his response is “I don't have time to think of those” or I will try re-enacting a dream he had from six years ago. “a school girl” I am 5'3 117lbs not big in the bust 32A and blond with blue. His response was “what are you doing?” I explained and he said “that was from a long time ago that is dumb” and he turns away. I am a mother of two and get the looks when we are out and about. He is proud but he doesn't come after me, only I make the effort foreplay everything it seems like a one way street. I have tried watching porn with him; “I like it” he just gets pissed and walks away giving me the cold shoulder for a few days. I have gotten really mad and asked him if he isn't attracted to me any more he said “no, that his is just curious because I was his first and only he just wants to look” he is very old school on some things. But I am coming to an end now. He now hides his porn magazines in he work truck. Not only is he still uncomfortable with me but now he can get in trouble at work what do I do?

[Cat1864]

It is commendable that you aren't trying to take it away from him, but I think you may be going overboard in showing him that you are willing to be open about it. It sounds like you are putting a good amount of pressure on him to open up and it is causing him to shut down on the subject.

Why are you so adamant about him sharing his porn? Would you be okay with him having a drawer or cabinet where he he could keep it so it isn't 'hidden', but it is 'his'? As long as your intimate life is satisfying both of you and he isn't into child pornography, would you be able to handle him not sharing until he is ready?

If he doesn't shut down when you discuss your fantasies, share with him, but don't ask him to share his. Be open to listening when he does.

Compromising is a large part of any marriage. Can you find one in this?

[Fr_Chuck]

Let him have a place that you will leave alone in the home for him to store them. Guess he is not a internet type of guy most just have it online now adays.

You have did all you can do

[Homegirl 50]

Stop snooping in his hiding places. There are something's he may want to keep to himself and you could be embarrassing him.
Back off for a bit. Let him have his privacy.

[answerme_tender]

If he is hiding it from you then he doesn't want you to know. We all have things in our lives that we are embarrassed about, and for him its his sexual turn on about porn. Give him enough respect, to not invade his privacy. Not everyone is comfortable talking out loud about their sexual fantasies. If you are okay with telling your to him, go for it, it may turn him on, there is nothing wrong with that. As long as this doesn't become an addiction and replacement for sexual intimacies with his wife. Let him see you as a respectful of space wife and not a nosey, getting into his stuff roommate. Good luck

[talaniman]

Okay you found his porn so what, leave it and don't make it an issue, its his stuff. Then maybe he will cool off and start to open up some instead of resenting you for invading his privacy and nagging him to change his ways.

Back off, and let him cool off, and don't be insecure. Then maybe you both can come together and talk, when the emotional dust has settled. Then maybe you can get to the root cause of your issues, without assuming, and presuming.

[calif_girl]

Comment on Fr_Chuck's post

I have bought a lock box so our children will not find it. Yet he avoids it like the plague. He is also VERY uncomfortable with toyes, will not go near them.

Comment on answerme_tender's post

I have not invaded his privacy, when I go threw the garage picking up clothing on the ground and porn falls out of his pants in a corner. I am fine with it and enjoy it. Yet he says that is all I care and talk about is sex. Not true

Comment on Cat1864's post

There is so much here that I can't possibly write it all.I know he has issues lots of them from his mom. I have a box he won't touch it, I talk about my fantasies like one to three times a yr. and he says "is that all you think about"