[LORRAINE_C]

I am confused about my boyfriend I don't know if he is into me or not, we have fun together we are sexual active together but the problem I don't know how this is going to end I really like him a lot but we haven't come clear about our feelings to each other... please help what could it be..

[martinizing2]

How old are both of you?

[LORRAINE_C]

I am 20 and he is 27

[Devorameira]

How long have you two been seeing each other?

[LORRAINE_C]

Its been 7 months now. Y do u ask?

[Devorameira]

I just wondered if this was a brand new relationship or not.

I can't fathom a guess as to how he's feeling. He may really care a lot for you, but he may just be using you for the sex.

Why don't you simply have a heart to heart talk with him and come out and ask him?

LORRAINE_C : I am 20 and he is 27
LORRAINE_C : its been 7 months now. Why do you ask

LORRAINE_C : well if he is just using me for sex I would be trully hurt I have tried talking about were we stand what type of relatioship we have but he just brushes off the story I really like this guy

Let’s face it, without communication, you don’t have a relationship. It’s just that simple. So what can you do? Explain this to your boyfriend directly, calmly and rationally.

If your boyfriend is not willing to communicate with you, it may be time to reevaluate this relationship.

[LORRAINE_C]

Well if he is just using me for sex I would be trully hurt I have tried talking about were we stand what type of relatioship we have but he just brushes off the story I really like this guy

[Cat1864]

If he is dismissing your concerns and feelings about the relationship, take a step back. Look at the general communications in the relationship. Does he listen to you about other subjects or does he brush of your concerns, thoughts, etc. about other things, too? Does he only seem to be interested when you are having 'fun' or 'sex'? Do you have serious moments when you can talk about what's on your mind?

I think you need to decide if this is a good relationship for you. Are you getting what you need out of it? What do you need and want?

Then you need to sit down with him and have an open and honest discussion (no accusations or blame) about how you each see the relationship and what you want out of it. Decide together if your concepts are compatible or if you should let the relationship go. If he refuses to discuss it with you, it might be the answer to your question.

[talaniman]

I think they have moved rather fast and not established communications and its to early to see where this is going. Even after 7 months you both are strangers having sex, and its to early to tell how you work together in other very important areas of a relationship.

Establishing some good communications between you, is what you need, so you both will know what's going on. Then you won't have to assume presume, and wonder what's going on because you will know.

It would help if you would scroll all the way down and answer this thread instead of commenting to the post. Then we all could be on the same page.

[LORRAINE_C]

Well thst true but I am afraid to find out that he does nt really like me or just that he is having fun with me I am am afraid to lose him sometimes I know the truth hurts

[LORRAINE_C]

Thst great advice but the problem is that it seems I am the only one who wants to know wats going on in our so called relationship I tried talking about this issue to him but he just brushes me off...

[LORRAINE_C]

Well concerning other issues he really listens to me and does what I want we have fun together be it sex or other things, I am just afraid to make the wrong decision because maybe he is just shy to reveal his feelings

[talaniman]

LORRAINE_C : thst great advice but the problem is that it seems I am the only one who wants to know what's going on in our so called relationship I tried talking about this issue to him but he just brushes me off

That's because he doesn't want to talk about it, and may not be as deeply invested as you are emotionally. Or maybe he doesn't want to be more emotionally invested, as you are. Maybe he is just going with the flow seeing what happens. I really don't know, and only he knows what he feels. Maybe you just think he feels as you do, but since YOU don't know, and he isn't telling right now, then maybe you should back up a bit and see if there is more than just lust, and is it starting to fade, and the honeymoon is coming to an end, and the real work of maintaining a relationship is beginning.

This is where you pay attention, and really find out what's on his mind, and see if you can work together and build something. So be careful and don't push to hard, but do pay attention as you are still learning each others ways and what works and doesn't as you move forward. If you can move forward.

[Jake2008]

I think I understand what you mean. If you remain silent, and just keep things going the way they are, at least you have that much with him. On the other hand, if you do speak to him directly about the relationship, and whether it is going to be deeper, more meaningful, and long lasting, you may jinx it, and the truth, will be the end.

It is hard when you think that what you, yourself, feel, think, and anticipate, could in itself, cause the end of the relationship. Instinct is probably telling you that you need more, and your needs are not being met completely, but things are okay as you said, so why chance putting it all out there, and face the consequence that he could be feeling the same, and the relationship is nearing the finish line.

It is the same kind of feeling that you feel when you think your husband/boyfriend is seeing someone on the side, but to confront him and deal with the possibility that it could, or is likely, to be true, is harder than just turning a blind eye, and convincing yourself, that nothing is going on.

Of course, he could jump at the chance to talk. He could be wondering and feeling the same way as you, but, also like you, just can't find the words, or is more afraid that the words would confirm his worst nightmare.

In a quiet momet, you could just say something like, "How do you feel about us, and our future together". Just put it out there, and gently dig for a better understanding.

The only alternatve, is to have that nagging doubt, and not say anything. Be prepared for the consequences, and know that, he too, could confirm his own doubts, and you will be dealing with the end of the relationship.

Either way, my advice is, no matter how the understanding eventually takes place, it would be a shame to see you in the same place with him, five years down the road, and still not knowing. I would personally have the talk with him.

[talaniman]

I think we all struggle between finding the right balance between push and pull, that works for both partners. Balance and timing though are hard to deal with. Even harder is our own fears and insecurities that make us think and do some wacky things that are hard on partners that don't understand.

[lemon14]

In my opinion you shouldn't have the talk about this subject. If things are going well (if you have a great time together, if you can talk with him about anything, if you can simply be yourself) I don't think you should worry even if he doesn't tell you his feelings. It may sound strange, but men need some time to figure out their feelings, they don't like to be asked this kind of questions and they are not able to give an answer because they are not sure, not because they don't have feelings, but because they want to fall once for all, they what to know that they fall in love for the right person. I suggest you to be patient. If you discuss about your feeling pretty often, he will express his feelings, even if he gives you only hints (It depends on him, if he is shy or not, if he likes to talk about himself etc).Seven moths isn't that much, so don't worry about this.

On the other hand, if you and your boyfriend haven't express your any or pretty few feelings to each other, but you are sexual attracted, there is something wrong with your relationship. Physical approach is good, is normal for two people in love with each other; touching is the way we express our love to each other, but NOT love.

Take a breath and think about the last seven months, about what he told you by now, about what you did together, then take the right decision. Good luck! :)

[LORRAINE_C]

Thanks for the advice!!

[LORRAINE_C]

Guys hi I am still at stage 0 with my issue there is this day when I met with him I wanted to ask him what he think of our relationship but I don't know what happened and I forgot to ask him, every time we meet it seems like evrything is OK ahhhhhhhhhhh I am really a fooool

[Homegirl 50]

I think you know what's up, you don't want to deal with it.
When you are with someone for 7 months and you're having sex with them, you have every right to know where the relationship is going. If he does not want to deal with the conversation or brushes you off when you ask, that is your answer. He enjoys the sex and you, but that is about it.
You two are not on the same page and you are not getting what you need from the relationship. Stop the sex and see what happens. Say, no more sex, I need to know where I stand. It's your body and you have every right to know who you're giving it to, if there is a future there.
Stand up for yourself.

[LORRAINE_C]

Thanks homegirl I thnk you just have said what is in my mind the truth is that I think I know wats really going on and I am afraid of the reality well I guese I will stop th esex and c wer it leads me thanks hey