[summer123]

hey! =D

me and my boyfriend have been fighting a lot lately over stupid things... like what time he is going to meet me for lunch, his friends, his faaily, whether we love each other or not, sex and everything, mostly because I recently told him that I don't trust him.
what do I do, to be able to trust him and then get rid of the fighting?

kitty xxx

[LadyMysticPegasus]

Why don’t you trust him? If I know that I can help more.
Big Question , do you love him? If yes I can stop all the bickering right away. Before you start to disagree with him think. Do I want to be happy are do I want to be right? This will help you pick you’re battles , stuff like when to meet for lunch and his friends they won’t seem like such a big deal and you can just let him have his way and , you my not be right but you’ll be happy.
Men have a natural drive to make more decisions then we do. It has to do with testosterone and needing to be a provider. So If you let him win more agreement and make more decisions he’ll feel like the provider ,alpha male , be happier and so will you.
If you find you’re self longing to fight about the small stuff. Take a silent second and remember three things you love about him. Then you can let it go.
Good Luck Girl!

[summer123]

thank you for your reply =D

well on the first night that we were going out, he had his 18th and one of his ex's from grade 10 came, and he was flirting wit her, like he hugged her twice, kissed her forehead once, and was talking with his hand on her leg, but apparently they have been friends since kindergartten... but yeah, ever since then his friends have been telling me things that he has done without me knowing, but he swears he never did, and I don't know who to believe? I love him more than anything, but lately with all the fighting my feelings are not as strong.

kitty xxx

[chuff]

Well if you don't trust him and it sounds like you have valid reasons then you need to end it now, not when it spirals downward and gets worse.

[summer123]

But I love him :confused:
I can't walk away it is not that easy!

[cmcdev]

How long have you been together? Why don't you trust him? Is it because of your past relationships or has he done something such as cheated? If it is constant fighting, I would ask myself "Why" and is the relationship worth saving? If you've only been together for a short period... I would say things won't change and to get out of the relationship but if you have been together for awhile and have just now started to fight a lot, maybe you should try talking it through. Try to figure out the problem.

[summer123]

if you read my second answer, it will tell you why I don't trust him! =(

[Skell]

Pretty simple.

No trust and respect for each other means no relationship.

Why do you love a man you can't trust and always fight with.

It is quite perplexing.

Sometimes people think they are in love but aren't! Doesn't sound like there is much love.

I would think it is time to really assess closely whether you really want this or not. It doesn't sound as though it is really worth continuing it though!

[summer123]

He is the only one that I can imagine my life with, the only one that I want to fall asleep and wake up with, the only one I want to move on. Do I excuse his behavior from when we were frist goig out, because they have been friends since kindergarten?

[Skell]

We have all felt that way about our first love.

But why would you want a life with no trust and lots of fighting!

Trust me when I say there will be someone else out there who will be much more suited to you and rather than fighting with him when you wake up with him every morning, you'll smile and know that all the hard times you went through to get to this point was worth it!

[summer123]

But we always get through the fights, that means we are strong right?

[talaniman]

As you get older and mature you will see the world differently and deal with your problems in a different fashion. You will also see there is a big world out there with a lot of interesting people. You and your b/f will change and so will your friends and priorities and you are so in love now but in a few years when you get out in the world you will feel so different about everything. Darn, I said all that to say if you believe your friends over your b/f then that is not a relationship, and all that love you have will mean nothing without trust.

but we always get through the fights, that means we are strong right?

Not really it means you have bad communication skills and a selfish stance toward each others feelings as I see it. A lot of fighting usually means your not that compatible or don't work that well together.

I love him more than anything, but lately with all the fighting my feelings are not as strong.

We all feel that way with our first love, that doesn't mean it is enough to last forever, that is seldom the case.

[summer123]

I am trying my hardest to try to stop the fighting because I really want this to last, I don't want to break up, I want to sort this out, I just need advice not people saying to break up wit him or that it ain't going to work okay!

[Skell]

What you want is to hear that everything will be OK because you can't handle the truth.

You come here looking for answers from people that they just can't give.

How can we give you anything other than the advice we have based on what you have told us.

You two always fight and your feelings aren't as strong for him as they once were.

The many people here who offer there advice do so based on a wealth of life experiences, heart breaks, love, pain etc.

Many people make the mistake of coming here looking to be told what they want to hear and not necessarily the truth.

Im happy to say though that most people leave having only heard the truth. It is up to them whether they choose to listen and accept it!

[summer123]

Why did you bother answering me if you are just going to have a go at me... look you have no idea how much I love him, and I just want to find a way to stop fighting, whether we need to talk to each other more, or try to understand each other more... I don't know, okay I just want to try and work things out before I give up on this realationship.

[talaniman]

i am trying my hardest to try to stop the fighting because i really want this to last, i don't want to break up, i want to sort this out, i just need advice not people saying to break up wit him or that it ain't going to work okay!

Grow up and act more mature and stop acting like a young brat and you may not fight as much. Is that the advice you wanted? That's the truth. Reread this thread and think about it, and don't come here thinking you can fight us, like you do your boyfriend. Geeez!

[summer123]

And don't even think about starting wit me okay!
Bye

Look I'm sorry okay, thank you very much for your advice! Your right it's not what I wanted to hear! I just love him okay!
I'm sorry but thank you xx

[talaniman]

look i'm sorry okay, thankyou very much for your advice! your right it's not what i wanted to hear! i just love him okay!
i'm sorry but thankyou xx

I know summer, we all have been there, and not to be harsh I was just frustrated that you didn't want to hear the truth as we see it. No matter the advice, you are the one to use it or not, and I only wish to help.

[chuff]

look i'm sorry okay, thankyou very much for your advice! your right it's not what i wanted to hear! i just love him okay!
i'm sorry but thankyou xx

You don't love him. You love the idea of him. In other words you love the idea of having someone in your life. But you don't love him. I know this because you don't trust him. Trust comes before love, not the other way around.

[LadyMysticPegasus]

Oh my dear. I know how you feel I've been there before. But. If he's That close to cheating on you when you're with him. Imagine what he dose when you're not there! I know you think you're in love , but , there's so much deeper love when both sides feel the same.
It sound like the love you have right know is very one sided. You deserve better! Just take a sec it's hard but think rationally. What do you love about him ? And What would you Change? Be honest.
If the things to change out weigh the things you love. It's time to let go. There's some one out there perfect for you. Who will love you and be true.
Good Luck Girl.