[Paphotographer]

My girlfriends three year old to me today that and her emt partner sleep in "mommies" bed, I asked who else sleeps in mommies bed a d he named other friends I know have t ever. I know three year olds just repeat actions and while his speech and vocabulary is very good I don't know if I should hold much water to it or not. My girlfriend and I have beentogether for 16 months and talk often about the future. Our relationship is rocky because of our conflicting schedules but we try to see each other at least a few times a week and talk at least half a dozen times a day. Our three year old (he's biologically not my child but he calls me dad, his father was killed in a car accident 3 months after he was born) also said mommy and "his name" kiss then I said well does "his name" and "her moms name" kiss and he again said yes, to me that's to inconsistent of answers for me to decide if I'm to believe any of it! She's never lied to me in the past and I don't believe there's any reason she'd start now. Any comments?

[redhed35]

Three year olds tell it how they see it...

The key words here are 'as they see it',a 3 year olds view of the world is very different then an adults.

I would not dismiss what he said,however I would not overreact either.

Ask your girlfriend.

Its hard to have an affair if your seeing each other a few times a week and speaking on the phone a lot,not to mention having a 3 year old around would put the dampers on most secret liasions.

My advice is to just ask in an easy way,and see what she has to say.

[Enigma1999]

Hello p,

I also have a three year old, and he has a very vivid imagination, however, he is very truthful, a little too truthful sometimes. Lol

I would address the issue with her. You two have been together for a while now and her child calls you Daddy, so your relationship should be open enough to confront any concerns.

[martinizing2]

Well said. Communicate!

[martinizing2]

Good advice, knowledge is power.

[martinizing2]

I would just wait for a chance to say, " Our boy had something interesting to say I don't quite understand."
Then ask for her to clarify.

Kids say it as they see it. Could be EMT training??

[Paphotographer]

I apppreciate the responses and agree with them all, my only comment is that while asking who it was in the picture lying in bed he named almost everyone important in his life including other individuals (children of friends of ours) who I know never spent nights in bed with my girlfriend and son. This man is the newest influence in his life and I wonder if that could also be why his name is now in the mix. Before this I was the only male figure in his life and now that's changed because they are partners at work and they do spend a lot of time together. Again thank you to all who have responded

[Jake2008]

I can't believe that you are interrogating a child! Are you seriously subjecting a three year old to these secret question and answer sessions in order to find 'evidence' and 'information' and 'names' and 'activities' of his mother??

That is totally inappropriate to use a child in this way, to satisfy your question and curiostiy as to you girlfriends fidelity. Good grief.

You see this woman (and her child) a few times a week, over a period of 16 months, and her child calls you Daddy? I think that is a bit much too.

What is the problem here. Why can't you just ask this child's mother to answer the questions you have, that are more appropriate in the adult arena, than the toddler arena. As in, the adults having the adult part of the relationship, which do not include prodding a three year old for information.

If you have doubts as to your girlfriend in any way shape or form, stop with the kid as monkey in the middle, and deal with this one on one with your girlfriend.

[talaniman]

Why let a child freak you out, when you have an adult to discuss it with.

[Paphotographer]

I have asked the mother Jake it was completely shock to me hence the reason I'm now on some website asking complete strangers if I should take it seriously or not. Oh and I spent every day with her and her child the first year of our relationship, it wasn't until she got through school which I supported her through and she began her insane 9 hour day shift to 6 hour EMT shift that we were unable to see each other as much. Not including I wasn't interogating him, it's something we've alway's done, almost like a game... he'd ask me to draw a bed and Mommy, (him) and (myself) in the bed and would go through it saying different people that were in the bed (his grandmother, aunts and others he's napped with etc.), the fact the first time we've done this and another man's name was said is what brought on my concern. This wasn't me asking or interigating or even believing a three year old just happened through our normal playing of games together, I would never put him in the middle so that's not the case at all. We do have an open relationship and after asking her it was cleared up but still caused for me to get some out side opinion.

[Jake2008]

This is what you said:

My girlfriends three year old to me today that and her emt partner sleep in "mommies" bed, I asked who else sleeps in mommies bed a d he named other friends I know have t ever

Then you said,

we try to see each other at least a few times a week and talk at least half a dozen times a day

And then you said,

also said mommy and "his name" kiss then I said well does "his name" and "her moms name" kiss and he again said yes

This is quite different to what you now say, which is:

it's something we've alway's done, almost like a game.....he'd ask me to draw a bed and Mommy, (him) and (myself) in the bed and would go through it saying different people that were in the bed (his grandmother, aunts and others he's napped with ect.)

And,

Oh and I spent every day with her and her child the first year of our relationship


So, the information you stated, in your question, was what I answered to. You putting a different spin on it now, would have resulted in a somewhat different answer.

It seems the conflicting detail still has the same result.

You are still banking on information that a three year old gave you, and even though you have talked to your girlfriend, you still have no answers.

Bottom line, there was either one, or several, people 'in her bed', and her emt partner, and/or others, also kiss, and you don't recognize some of the names the toddler mentioned, according to a three year old. I'm no lawyer, but I don't think the toddlers testimony would stand up in court.

You should be speaking with the mother, again, either alone with just her, or the two of you should be in counselling, or you should hire a PI if you have such grave concerns about her fidelity- not a 3 year old.

What you do with the information gleaned from a 3 year old is up to you, but, in my opinion, regardless of how you obtained the bed roster, nothing will be solved, or resolved, until you learn whether your girlfriend is sleeping around.

[talaniman]

I don't think this can be about what a 3 year old says, because you never know what they really mean just because the perspective they view the world is not clear, or defined enough to take it as literal gospel.

That you are letting it bring questions into your mind though, and seek answers, maybe something it's that you yourself have had in the back of your mind. I seriously doubt you would make such a big issue of a one time event, from a 3 year old, that it would cast doubts on your partners loyalty, if the fear, or doubt was not there already.

If its cleared up, as you say, then I would drop it, and leave it alone. I think her working schedule is your bigger issue, and not the words of a 3 year old. I find it odd that your girlfriends explanation was not part of your post, a big oversight, but regardless you have not given us any other information to have a clear picture of the dynamics of the relationship, other than the hectic work schedule she keeps, and I for one am not about to condemn, or condone any ones behavior on what a 3 year old says in a game. Neither should you. You have presented very few facts as why you should even doubt the loyalty of your partner, and should carry this line of thinking any further without something more to go on.

[answerme_tender]

Question is are you going to believe your girlfriend. Only you can answer that, and once answered, I would put it in that past and not dwell on it. Life is to short get to living it.