[PRINCESS83]

My boyfriend and I are together since 8 yrs... now we both are 27. In 2007 we had a huge break up due his best friend who comes in town every now and then, but we patch up and was going great until 2 weeks ago.

His friend came to visit again and made huge impact on my life, my boyfriend start hanging out with him everyday and barely any time with him and every time I confronted him, he end up saying oh he only here for little bit and once he is gone am all yours.

I try to settle with that but last night when he got home from work I asked him if he be home today with me and this is where it all started, he goes am not happy, I want to explore or should have done it before he meet me and how I am the reason his life sucks, am negative influence on him, his friends makes him happy. Almost anything a girlfriend doesn't want to hear he said it and felt like he was stabbing my heart,

I left my family and friends just to be with him and now he is acting like this. So finally last night I had enough! I told him I cannot deal with this anymore, sick of hearing about how he never been with no one else but me, he should have had sexual relationship etc... I finally said you are free from my side and can leave anytime but just stop hurting me...

I told him that I will not call him or bother him and if he want to leave he can and I walked out of the door.. came back after few hours and he was not home.. so I thought he choose to leave and I went to bed. Hour later he walks in pretending nothing has happened and slept right next to me. I am really hurt but will not put up with his bull**** or his friends how they ruin my relationship. I hope I did the right thing by asking him to leave for the first time.

[Psyle]

Face it, it's over. He treats you like dirt and wants to explore new things. If you guys are sharing a place it's time to move out or get him to leave and go from there. Props for standing up for yourself.

[PRINCESS83]

It's my place and I did ask him to leave if he wants to go. I am sick of this and don't think can live like this. But today he called and said
"oh I thought this is one of those fights where we fight and in day or two its fine. He is not taking it seriously. But I really have had it! I rather cry for month or year and get over with it rather then going through all my life. That Psyle.

[PRINCESS83]

Thanks psyle

[Jake2008]

I really think you should put your foot down, and tell him he can no longer go out and play with his friend.

The nerve! Spending time with a friend, having fun, enjoying a little bit of freedom. He should be ashamed of himself!

And this same friend was responsible for your relationship breaking up, and here he is again, butting in on your territory, and you aren't getting enough attention. That is just plain shameful on your boyfriends part.

Even though the friend is only in town for a short while, you have every right to be jealous, controlling, insecure, needy, and demaning of your boyfriends time. You should come first, all the time, and I don't blame you one bit for 'confronting' him on the issue, and making such demands upon him, that he must choose- you, or his friend.

It is just terrible that when he does get out on his own, without your consent, that he begins to see what life is like on the other side of the door. You really have to buy a leash or something. Maybe tie him to a chair, and monitor and screen all his calls. Maybe phone the friend and speak to his parents and straighten this 'friend' thing out!

Sarcasm aside, what is the problem here. You do not own him. He's doing nothing wrong. You making a big deal out of wanting to control him and his friend getting together while the friend is briefly in town, and are so miserable about it, you force a non-issue to the point of splitting up?

Did you not think that he has a reasonable right, as an adult, to go out and enjoy himself once in a while, without your approval?

He doesn't owe you his freedom because you chose to leave your friends and family as you said. This has nothing to do with his friend at all in my opinion. You call the shots, and he's rebelling because you aren't getting your own way.

What about a compromise? How about you having the friend over for dinner, or going out with your boyfriend and having some fun too? Why is it all or nothing with you and this friend of his.

My opinion is also that, there are already existing problems in your relationship, and that his friend has just inadvertently shone a spot light on them.

If you want to keep your boyfriend, without owning him, you might want to consider counselling to address the relationship problems. It seems to be obvious, at least to me, that you and he, need to learn some healthy boundaries, and you need to learn how to trust him without feeling slighted that you can't stop him from having a friend that you don't happen to like, that you blame your relationship problems on.

I would say you are putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on him, over nothing, and more so pressure on him to conform to your unreasonable expectations, because you fear the influence his friend has over him, will somehow cause the demise- again- of your relationship.

[talaniman]

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Jake2008 again.
You made some excellent points I missed Jake, thanks!!


You have no friends, or a life that you enjoy without him, so he has to be the same as you? Why don't you have things that you can do when his friend visits?

His friend is not the cause of your problems, you are.