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dwk31670 · Sep 21, 2010, 10:11 AM

My wife found her first love from 20 years ago on Facebook and contacted him. I knew she had and would talk to him on occasion. Then she asked if she could meet him for lunch sometime, I was not thrilled with the idea but said I did not care. She then asked if she could be with him on a more intimate level, despite the pain in my heart I told it was fine. I feared she would do it sometime anyway. She wasted no time in moving forward with this course of action. The physical relationship only lasted a week, but caused me more pain than I can describe. He ended the physical relationship because he wanted to have my wife for himself, but she told him she was in love with me and would not leave me. I found out later that he had been telling her to run away with him from the beginning. My wife aid she loves me but she also love him. What should I do?

wowwy · Sep 21, 2010, 10:22 AM

I guess you have to ask yourself if you want to live with this knowledge and your sad feelings. I know I couldn't. You must still be in love with her, but what about trust? What about you deserving true love? Can you feel happiness again with her? Are you afraid to be by yourself?

Good luck my dear!

Homegirl 50 · Sep 21, 2010, 10:27 AM

I would tell your wife she needs to make up her mind who she wants to be with. If she wants to stay married to you, you two do some counseling to get past this but she must cut all ties with this guy.
If she can't do that, I'd have her leave. There is no reason you should be caused anymore pain because she cannot behave like a mature married adult.
I wish you well

talaniman · Sep 21, 2010, 10:46 AM

Sorry guy, I don't think I would be comfortable with my wife meeting with anyone I don't know.

But you ask for your pain, and the consequences of what you have allowed without enough protest, or fore thought. What should you do now?

Lay out your feelings, and make sure you define, and re-establish the boundaries of good behavior to move forward.

She then asked if she could be with him on a more intimate level, despite the pain in my heart I told it was fine. I feared she would do it sometime anyway. She wasted no time in moving forward with this course of action.

You gave permission for her to cheat, you should have said "hell NO", and dumped her if she did it. In short you asked for the pain you are in, even though a loyal wife would never ask for such a thing, nor acted on it, no matter if you gave her permission, or not.

That just my opinion.

JudyKayTee · Sep 22, 2010, 07:10 AM

Originally Posted by dwk31670

My wife found her first love from 20 years ago on Facebook and contacted him. I knew she had and would talk to him on occassion. Then she asked if she could meet him for lunch sometime, I was not thrilled with the idea but said I did not care. She then asked if she could be with him on a more intimate level, despite the pain in my heart I told it was fine. I feared she would do it sometime anyways. She wasted no time in moving foward with this course of action. The physical relationship only lasted a week, but caused me more pain than I can describe. He ended the physical relationship because he wanted to have my wife for himself, but she told him she was in love with me and would not leave me. I found out later that he had been telling her to run away with him from the beginning. My wife aid she loves me but she also love him. What should I do?

You gave her permission to have a sexual relationship with someone else because you were afraid if you said no she would have the relationship anyway?

You both need counselling.