[jupiter27]

Hello,I am married since 2 years. I am very emotional and attched to my husband.I am expressive. I like to hug him, kiss him sometimes.Also I like him to hug me when we sleep.But he doesn't like this at all.He doesn't hug or kiss me on his own. He doesn't like to hug while sleeping also.He says I shouldn't be so attched to him.When I express sometime that I am hurt, he says my feelings are bull ****. It hurts me even more. I don't get the reason for this.I feel he doesn't like me though he is a good person.What do I do to get rid of this insecure feeling.

[Enigma1999]

Hello Jupiter,

Did he act like this before you two got married?

How long were you dating before you guys got married?

[Fr_Chuck]

So he was all hugs and touching before you were married ?
And when did this huge change happen in his behavior.

It can almost always go back to communication, many men do not express feelings ( some hardly at all) and almost never the way women do. For some men, they say, well I mow the grass, work hard to bring home a paycheck, why does she not understand this is all signs of my love.

I would suggest counseling to help with communication, and reading a book ( both of you) called Love Languages

[talaniman]

You can't expect him to think , or do as you do, nor even express himself the same way. I think you should take a second to think a minute before you act, or speak, and don't get so carried away by your own feelings. You have to cope with them in a positive way so he understands you, and not fears you.

[Kitkat22]

Stop all the affectionate actions and see if he notices? He may feel a little smothered. Many men and women aren't kissy. Kissy, huggy, huggy. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. You may act a little too needy. Good Luck

[jupiter27]

Hello All,
Thank you all for the suggestions and advice.He was never expressive.As u all said,I will somehow adjust to this. But he expects me also to stop expressing.He says what I do is all acting, but its not.I love him. Should I stop my way of showing love towerds him ? But its difficult for me to change ;(
And one more impotant thing to share for which I was hesitating before.He says he is not attracted to me now much because of my small breasts.Earlier he was fine with it.I have tried almost evrything but its not helping.He has lost interest in sex.He reminds me , that I am not physically suited to him everyday.I am losing confidence and get depressed very soon.I cry every day.I just feel girls with small breasts are not suppose to get married.If I knew body matters so much even I wouldn't have.But now its so late. I cannot live without him, love him so much.Neither I can bear this torture of being neglected staying with him.Neither I can change my body :( What can I do ?

[talaniman]

Just as you adjust to him being not so expressive, then he must adjust to you being more expressive. That's what marriage is about. You both must change somewhat. What is probably the bigger problem is what his cruelty does to your confidence and self esteem. That's something you can control by doing things without him, that bring you joy and happiness. I don't know if you have children or not, and that would make a big difference in what you are free to do with your time, but you must have a life without him, not just to give him space, but to have your own life, so maybe you are not emotionally overwhelming to him.

I think that's important going forward so you can not only love yourself, but NOT take any bad behavior from him that hurt your feelings and makes you feel rejected.

Your breast size should never dictate your ability to love, and be loved and be happy, nor dictate yourself esteem. His cruelty, or bad behavior should bring you anger, not rejection, so you can take the appropriate course of actions, and protect yourself, not feel bad for yourself.

How old are you both? Do you have children? Do you work, or are you dependent on him? How long have you known each other?

[jupiter27]

I am 27 and my husband is 30. I am working and support him in all financial matters.We don't have kids.One more thing you won't believe is I am still a vergin.After marriage we use to have sex but no intercourse.He never showed that interest also. Ours was arranged marriage and we are married since 2 years.Before marriage I had told him about my body and asked whether he had any problem. But then he said its fine and many have small breasts and its natural.How can people change ? If he was specific he should have made a proper choice and then married.I wanted someone who would love me for what I am.

[Kitkat22]

Tell him he has a small penis. See how he likes that.

[talaniman]

We have what God gave us, and you have every right to expect love for who you are.

I will be honest that you have not consummated the marriage is beyond shocking as most men cannot help but be sexually drawn to any female the are in contact with, let alone married to.

I feel it goes beyond his attractions, and maybe he project feelings of being inadequate in many ways on to you.

Control your emotions for once, and get to the bottom of all this, by asking some simple questions, and listen when he answers, without assaulting him with your expressiveness, or opinions. That you have not done this before is totally unbelievable. That you have no clue as to how to get him to consummate this marriage is unbelievable. That you cannot get the facts behind it is unbelievable. That you are still together is also unbelievable.

Wow you got me with that last revelation, and maybe you need the advice of a trusted female to figure out what's going on.

[beachloverjohn]

After reading all your posts Jupiter, I fail to see any indication of love here. Arrainged marriage, no intercourse, he complains about your "looks' breasts too small, no affection, doesn't want affection, the list goes on and on. What is about him that you love ? You said you do and can't live without him. I'm sorry, but you two sound like you would make much better roommates. In fact, it seems that is what you are, but For me, no kids involved, I can't think of one reason why you two stay married.

[simoneaugie]

I am so sorry for your troubles. I would be both sad and angry in your situation.

But, please don't say to yourself, "I can't live without him." That is not true. The truth is that you do not want to. Or, that you will not choose to live without him.

Does he have a job?

[answerme_tender]

You finacially support, you show him affection,you probably cook,clean and do laundry too!! Geez I hope you don't bow down and kiss his feet. You are obviously a woman who can support herself, so why are you allowing someone especially your own husband to treat you worse then a family pet. You have nothing to be ashamed of just because you want to express affection for your own husband. You need to get some counciling for yourself. Life is to short and precious to waste on someone who will never appreciate what we can give as an indivdual. You are really married, at least in most cultures till the marriage is consummated!! Find help for yourself and go from there. I really with you the best.

[Cat1864]

After two years, I think it is time for you to return to your family and seek advice of those who can guide you in properly dissolving the marriage.

I am wondering what he or his family got out of marrying you. It doesn't sound like he went willingly into it or intended to be a true husband in more than name. Though, he may have tried to pretend. I would be concerned that not only does he not care about your feelings, but that he has someone he does care about somewhere else.