[footbalfan2]

I need some advice on what's going on and what I can do!! I have gotten all kinds of advice but they all seem to be different so just want to see what other people say!!

I met this girl some months ago she's my friends sister. We knew each other from before but she had always been in a relationship so nothing ever happened. Also she lived out of state. She came back some months back and we all hung out together and we immediately connected and the fact that she was now single obviously made it much better. The next night we saw each other and once again had an awesome time. The next day she went back home but she had plans on moving back when she was done with school which was only like a month away so we keep in touch. We literally texted each other everyday and finally she moves back. We started hanging out more and more and I started liking her a lot and she felt the same way. So after hanging out for a good 3 weeks I had a trip planned to leave the country for like 2 months so I left but the whole time we kept in touch hoping we could keep the spark going. I have to say I think it was a success when I came back I was sooo happy to see her and the fact that I felt like this even after the 2 months made me really think like wow I really like this girl. So we start dating exclusively but nothing oficial yet. Over the years I have had problems when I drink I tend to be stupidly jelous and start fights. So after acting like this several times towards her she tells me that she hates the fighting and it reminded her of her past relationship too much and she just wanted to be friends. I didn't take it well because I was or am falling for the girl but I give her space. Last week we saw each other and we had a blast we talked a little about us and everything and we even ended up kissing and just having a good night. She told me she really really liked me but couldn't stand the fighting and she was also upset because she thought I really didn't like her as much I said ( I guess because I didn't contact her for almost a month) I really just wanted to give her some space I mean I thought about her everyday. So the following night I text her something very deep that was even hard for me to text to her but I meant it with all my heart. She doesn't respond not really sure why? And I texted her the other day but she seemed very short with me. She hasn't texted me at all or contacted me even after the good night we had Saturday. I really don't want to loose this girl I told myself I would try to change my bad habits when I drink and I told her that to and I think I demonstrated that a little last Saturday when we went out. Im very confused because I'm getting mixed signals I want to know if she does want something with me or just a friendship?? And also what I can do to try to win her back!!

[mattyp]

She didn't leave you alone in the beginning because these recent emotions wernt involved, you were having fun and she started to really like u. u then erased all that with stupid fighting, put yourself in her shoes and think how ud feel. Ask her on a date (not at a pub or club) be the person you were and relax, don't look as though you are trying too hard. You are asking us how do I get her back, but you should be asking yourself, why do I get like this when I've had a drink?
Evryone gets jelious but we got to just stop ourselves and think calm. I go around clubbing with my girlfriend and guys are looking at her all the time, they even wolf whistle her while I'm there but I just laugh at them because I just think, yeah say all you want its my arm that she's on, I'm going home with her tonight so hard lines guys. Just smile and move on.

[Jake2008]

Thank you for being honest.

I don't think you are seeing this problem with the relationship properly.

When you drink, you become jealous and start fights. The drinking is the problem, not the potential girlfriend, or the relationship, or her behaviour.

Any relationship you have, will end up the same way because your behaviour when you drink doesn't differentiate between who you happen to be dating. When you drink, you are jealous and start fights, which indicates to me that your drinking is not 'social drinking', but drinking to a point where your behaviour is out of control, destructive, and potentially dangerous (the fighting).

While you allow yourself to get to this point, and I think it is familiar territorry to you, you can expect the same results.

On her part, It is good to know that she has been strong enough with you, to decide that you have a problem with alcohol, and the resulting behaviour, which she cannot accept. She has decided that she does not want to live with the unpredictable consequences, because of the alcohol. That should be a wakeup call to you.

Going out with someone, realizing the night could turn into unwarranted accusations (the jealousy), or the violence (fighting), is nothing she can control, and while she may have started with great expectations, your repeated behaviour has shown her that you are not in control of yourself. Dating you is just too much drama, because of your drinking.

I don't know if you have ever considered a 12-step program, or therapy such as Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, but my advice to you is to check them out. At least do some research on alcoholism, and/or how drinking behaviour affects relationships, when it is out of control.

Her behaviour toward you, and her reasons for not wanting a relationship, all point to the alcohol related problems. If you can address this, you will have much better success in any relationship you have. Another way to look at this is, if you didn't drink, or you had your drinking under control, she would probably still be in the picture.

[beachloverjohn]

I think Jake hit the nail right on the head. If this relationship had evolved into something really serious, then I would say you had a chance. Unfortumately for you, she is nipping this in the bud because she does not want to spend her life with an alcoholic. You should go to an AA meeting because as Jake said, this could effect your future relationships. Of course if you can convince this girl that you recognize the real problem, will do something about it, and convince her to attend an al-anon meeting, then you might have a chance. But really, I think this one is history.

[talaniman]

Unless you realize how scary a drunk that wants to fight is, and solve that problem forever, forget anyone being with you no matter how they feel.

Give yourself a chance, and just stop drinking for yourself, whether she takes a chance with you, or NOT!

Imagine how those that know you feel when you even tip a beer! "Oh no, there he goes AGAIN", and they would be right!