[tymaperry]

So I am 14 yrs. Old , I will be 15 in 5 months . Me && my boyfriend has been going out for a long time now && we just found out I was pregnant . My mom is not to happy about it && she said she's going to kick me out && make me move with my boyfriend && his parents . But now she's telling me that we're going to give it up for adoption when me && my boyfriend clearly said we're not doing that because I don't believing giving up my child or killing it . Can she make me give it up for adoption ? Is that a law ?

[Synnen]

Nope, she absolutely can NOT make you choose adoption.

You and your boyfriend have final say over what happens with your child.

HOWEVER--you need to get some counseling. You need to know what ALL of your options are, what the pros and cons of them are, and what the best choice for both you AND the baby is. If that's parenting, then great! Your counselor can help you get the help you need to be a good parent.

But make sure you don't close off all of your options before you even KNOW what all of your options are.

[Fr_Chuck]

She can not force you to give the child up, or force you to have an abortion.
Also in most areas she can not kick you out either.

Since the age of consent is almost always more than 14, depending on the area, she could have your boyfriend arrested and most likely put in jail.

Assuming you still go to school, start with the school couselor and see if they can help you in other help available

[Jake2008]

What a sad situation to be in, at age 14.

Synnen said it all. You have options, and consideration for all of them is in the best interest of the baby.

From a mother's point of view, you are still a minor. She is responsible for you, and now she will likely be forced to be in the unenviable position of raising two children, you, and the baby. That is a tremendous investment both financially and otherwise. You are unable to support a child independently because of your age. You cannot afford to have a baby, simply put.

While there are some success stories of a 14 year old raising a child, it is not without a copious amount of support, and again, that is the cost that has to be picked up somewhere, either from your mother directly, or from some form of welfare. Your mother is likely the one who is worried sick about all aspects of you having a baby, from you health, to the baby's health, and all that is associated with bringing a new life into the world. Because of your age, and your maturity level, she will likely be the one with the burden of taking care of both of you.

Try to understand the position that you have put her in here, and ask yourself how you would survive without her. Your boyfriend and consequently his parents, will also have to help support this child, and the parents of your boyfriend would probably have preferred to put what it is going to cost them (if any of them step up), into an education fund, instead of purchasing baby formula and diapers.

While you are indignant about 'killing it' and 'giving it up', and can make the decision as to the future of this child, for all those affected by your decision, I urge you also to consider, again, what is in the best interest of the baby, but also what is in the best interest of those who will be raising the baby, and your mother, who will be raising both you, and the baby.

This isn't just about you.

If you Google 'cost of raising a baby for the first year', there are over one million hits. Research a little bit, and you will see that, although your financial contribution is zero, the financial contribution of your mom, and probably welfare, is tremendous. This is not something to take lightly; to expect others to assume the cost. They, have no choice.

Please take a few moments to consider counselling. Maybe visit a home for single teenage mothers and talk to them, or their counsellors. Ask the 14 year old mothers to be, where their boyfriends are, and ask them how their lives have changed being on their own with a baby.

Before you make a final decision, at least get all the cold hard facts from as many perspectives as you can.

Good luck to you.

[Synnen]

I would like to say that you apparently have NO concept of adoption culture, either. That's a big part of why I suggest counseling.

No birthmother refers to her adoption plan as "giving it up" anymore. You "place" your child with an adoptive family--one you generally choose. You can also negotiate with that family for information on your child as he or she grows. I got pictures and letters of my child every 6 months for 18 years. For the first 2 years, it was every 3 months. I also got to meet my child when she was 8.

I was a stand-offish birthmother, by my choice. I know other women that visit their children a few times a year and are invited to milestone events.

PLEASE do some research. I really don't think that you quite understand ANY of your options at this point--including what it will take to parent.

See a counselor--social services and Planned Parenthood will have free counseling services to help you understand your choices. They won't make your choice for you--but they'll help you know what's best for you and your baby.

[JudyKayTee]

Has anyone thought of the legal implications here? She's under age. That is not the question so I'm backing off but it is something that might have to be addressed at some point in time.

I also notice her period may (or may not) be three days late! Is she pregnant, is she not? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/pregna...ml#post2524000

Perhaps the legal warning (if she's not pregnant) does belong here after all. Now that her mother knows there is sexual activity I would not be surprised if this takes a whole new direction.

[Synnen]

Good question, Judy--is she pregnant or isn't she?

Either way, her parent LEGALLY cannot make her choose adoption, even if she is a minor. A woman is emancipated (even at 12!) for decisions regarding her own child. This is specifically to keep parents for making that choice for their children--to force adoption, abortion, or parenting when the minor parent has their own ideas on what they would like to do.

Either way--I'd like to know why the OP thought she was pregnant and THEN asked if she might be pregnant because her period was late.

I have a feeling it was just a late period, and she probably won't be allowed to see her boyfriend anymore--something her mother CAN decide for her.