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Picaso1o · Sep 14, 2010, 12:49 PM

Hmmm, I have been dating this man for 1 1/2 years. Its been great in my eyes. I am 35 and it is the best relationship I have been in. No lies, no cheating, no ex-wife, He is a full time Dad of a 12 year old girl. We get a long great as well.

However since July... We spoke about marriage. First he said he wasn't ready, then he slipped one night and said I was not the marrying type. This started a huge conversation in where I quoted something from he's just not that into you. He agreed. He said he never really thought of me as his wife. After days of talking and sorting out he said "you just need to wait till I am reay to ask and give my heart away"

Now just two months later he has beoke up with me twice over not having enough time to get things done at his house and he needs to have more time with the guys and more time to work on his house. WE SEE EACH OTHER ONLY TWICE a week anyway and that is normally Fri and Sat. Sometimes once in the week. Now today he said he feels smothered. I have not seen him but once in since Labor Day.

I have so much to do in my on life I stay busy, I have friends. I have never found myself to be nagging of taking up too much of his time. But now I have no idea what or how to respond to him. I am smothering him. We really don't see each other or talk all that much on the phone. We text a lot and talk when we see each other. I have never told him we have to do this or I have to come over or he has to come see me. We see each other when we can. Last summer we saw each other a lot more than this summer.

Kitkat22 · Sep 14, 2010, 12:52 PM

He's using you as a maid, a babysitter and a booty call. Frankly I would have been gone after he made the "wife" comment.

Devorameira · Sep 14, 2010, 02:04 PM

Why are you staying around? If someone told me I wasn't the marrying type, I might slap them upside the head. The way I interpret his statement is that he thinks you're good enough to sleep with him, good enough to keep him company when there's nothing else to do, but not good enough for him to marry.

He's just a jerk!

Homegirl 50 · Sep 14, 2010, 04:16 PM

Leave this clown alone.
He is probably seeing someone else and does not have the balls to call it quits. Do it for him.

Kitkat22 · Sep 14, 2010, 04:30 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Leave this clown alone.
He is probably seeing someone else and does not have the balls to call it quits. Do it for him.

Got to spread the rep homegirl... You're right

Jake2008 · Sep 14, 2010, 05:51 PM

I have to spread the rep all 'round, but, I agree.

He, is not the marrying kind. He is not emotionally stable. He is selfishly doing his own thing and wants nothing to do with marriage- you or anybody else. He treates you very poorly.

It is a shame really, especially for his daughter. She has no doubt grown fond of you, and if he is the way he sounds, she will be diappointed with other good women that will pass in and out of her life.

Stringer · Sep 14, 2010, 07:13 PM

May I ask how old this man is?

Is he in his forties and never been married before? Has he told you about any other meaningful relationships that he has been in, in his past?

stuckin2nd · Sep 14, 2010, 09:29 PM

Unfortunately, I have to mostly agree with the rest. I think you will be filled with more resentment later if you think you stuck around way too long when he checked out before and was to cowardly to tell you. You may be more angry with him and more angry with yourself for not seeing it.
The "not the marrying type" comment should have done him in.
My advice is to check out now and keep your head up; it doesn't sound like he's good enough to appreciate you.

Picaso1o · Sep 15, 2010, 07:56 AM

Well thank you everyone. I guess I stayed too long. He broke up with me last night said he did not love me and there was someone better out there for hil. LOL... Keep my head high, I will try but that is a slap in the face...

Picaso1o · Sep 15, 2010, 07:58 AM

He is 34 and has been married once but when the mother of his child left him she also left the girl. So the little girl has not had a mother in 7 years...

Picaso1o · Sep 15, 2010, 07:59 AM

I agree for his daughter. We ride horses go shopping get our nails done. But it is over now. He said he never loved me last night and there was someone better out there...

Picaso1o · Sep 15, 2010, 08:00 AM

He says no he is not but I kind of believe that too

Homegirl 50 · Sep 15, 2010, 09:34 AM

I'm so sorry this has happened.
I hope you realize that he and his daughter are the ones who will miss out, not you.
I wish you well.

Picaso1o · Sep 16, 2010, 03:22 PM

I have had a few relationships in my 35 years but I was always the one that left. They still hurt but I think it's easier if you leave.

My boyfriend just broke up with me after 1 1/2 years, said he did not love me and there was someone better out there for him.

Now I can get this entire thing out of my mind. Is it because he dumped me?

Enigma1999 · Sep 16, 2010, 03:30 PM

Originally Posted by Picaso1o

I have had a few relationships in my 35 years but I was always the one that left. They still hurt but I think it's easier if you leave.

My boyfriend just broke up with me after 1 1/2 years, said he did not love me and there was someone better out there for him.

Now I can get this entire thing out of my mind. Is it because he dumped me?

Sure, I believe so.

It was a blow to your ego, the fact that you invested 1 1/2 of your time and energy in this relationship, all for him to move on to another woman.

I am sorry that happened to you. Unfortuately it happens a lot.

It happened to me too, lol while I was pregnant with his child...

Devorameira · Sep 16, 2010, 03:33 PM

Rejection is hard to accept, but you'll make it through just fine.

It's obvious that he wasn't your Mr. Right, so now he's set you free to go out and find him.

Good luck!

beachloverjohn · Sep 16, 2010, 04:47 PM

You were lucky. Your ex boyfriend was honest with you when he could have strung you along and used you. It doesn't make it any easier for you, but at least you know exactly where you stand which aids you in getting over this disappointment.

talaniman · Sep 16, 2010, 06:11 PM

After merging your posts it seems you should have left before he dumped you.

answerme_tender · Sep 17, 2010, 07:43 AM

Yep, the shoe always hurts more when you have to wear it on the other foot!! I wouldn't waste anymore time on this guy. Its time to cut the booty call strings. I won't call him, but I might send him a pillow, you know to help build up his endurance to being smothered!! Good luck

stuckin2nd · Sep 19, 2010, 06:31 PM

I think it's harder this time partially because it doesn't sound like he was honest with you. You thought you had one life with him and he was acting like the person you wanted him to be, but that wasn't who he was. If he was honest with you you would have seen all of this coming more, or known you guys weren't compatible long before. Plus, it sounds overly harsh and closed off to tell someone you don't love them on top of breaking up with them. It sounds like he said that to protect himself. Maybe he has some intimacy issues, and/or like someone else said doesn't want to get married at all. He sounds a little immature to do everything the way he did.
Try to keep your head up, and know it's not your fault he is the way he is. You sound like you were very kind in the relationship and willing to try, so he is definitely the one who is missing out. Some people don't know what is in front of them or how to appreciate what is in front of them. Good luck and try to focus on the fact that this is just helping you get closer to the one person who is right for you and who will truly appreciate you.

It's probably a blessing in disguise.