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Steelerschick93 · Sep 10, 2010, 01:13 PM

I had an argument with my boyfriend and as stupid as it sounds, I made a list of that I love and hate about him. I love him will all I am, and he was my first sexual relationship, and after nine months things are beginning to fall. But when I made this list there were 31 hatse and 33 loves. I shouldn't have that big of a number right? Plus Im going to take a pregnancy test in 3 days if I don't have my period. I can'tleave someone that I have his baby, IF I'm pregnant, and I love him so much it hurts sometimes. What should I do??

kiewiebeauty · Sep 10, 2010, 02:10 PM

well at least there are more loves than hates, although I must say that is a lot of hate x
what sort of things is it that you hate is it just little things he does ? Becauseif you wer to have a baby with him I think for the sake of your child and your relationship you should try and over come them :s... what sort of stuff do you hate ?x

I wish · Sep 10, 2010, 02:54 PM

33 good vs. 31 bad

What happens when you meet a guy who has 40 good and 20 bad?

If you're going to play the ratios game, then you're better off not being a in a relationship. There's always going to be pros and cons. The question is, can you accept the cons and appreciate the pros?

Otherwise, you're just in love with some fantasy guy who isn't the one in front of you.

Jake2008 · Sep 10, 2010, 05:45 PM

So, what was the purpose of the list- to determine whether he 'added up'?

Actually, a list of this type can be very revealing, depending upon what you consider a plus, and what you consider a minus. It can help to pinpoint certain behaviours, in order to help within a relationship. If both parties have a list, that is even better. You can compare notes, and perhaps become aware of things about you that bug your partner.

But saying there is a list, and explaining what is on the list, are, of course, only open to us guessing because you do not share what's on it. If things like beats me up every Friday night after darts, or he put bamboo shoots in my cornflakes, that is quite different than, he doesn't put the cap back on the toothpaste, or he doesn't line up his socks right in his sock drawer.

I would consider the fact that you have to write a list at all, a fault of both. That should be on both your lists. Also the fact that you haven't been together long, and are maybe facing a pregnancy together, should be on the list. Unless it was on purpose (plus), and not by accident (minus).

The only way to figure out your relationship is start with the basics. And that is communication. If there are too many things on your list that you cannot discuss with your partner, or his list is entirely different than your list, or you find you need a scientific calculator to keep track of whether you are in the red or the black, then perhaps it is time to take a breather.

Agree to disagree until you can find a way to effectively communicate. But, should you be pregnant, I hope that you figure it out sooner, rather than later. What the next list will be is the reasons not to have a baby, and the reasons to have a baby, that is, if you aren't pregnant. It doesn't sound like either of you are prepared for a life-long relationship from what you've said so far.

Kitkat22 · Sep 10, 2010, 06:35 PM

Did he make a list

DoulaLC · Sep 11, 2010, 06:52 AM

Keep in mind that you have just had an argument. This often will cause you to take more notice of the things that bother you or that you aren't particularly fond of. At other times they be no big deal when you really think about them, but when you are not happy with him, they can seem magnified.

Weighing pros and cons can be helpful in some situations, and for a relationship it can help you see what you want and don't want in someone you are dating and help you to decide what really matters to you in a relationship. Better to do so when you are not angry, hurt, or upset however.

JoeCanada76 · Sep 11, 2010, 07:19 AM

If your truly in love you would not be keeping track of all the things you hate or love about this person. Sounds really childish and immature too me.

I hope your not pregnant for your own sake and for your ex boyfriends sake.
If it is happening like this and your already talking about leaving it does not sound like a sound lasting relationship to me.

That is why I am calling him your ex because that is what will happen eventually.