[disco88]

Hey I am a newbie to this site and I really need some help!
Here is my story:
I have been going out with this girl for 6 months I am 21 she is 18. All was well, we both said to each other how we had never felt like this, you are the one, I could never leave you I can't live without you and then she dropped the "I Love you".
How we found we were fighting over stupid things but quickly resolved them.
Her parents are really old fashioned, meaning now she had a boyfriend they didn't expect her to go out with friends anymore etc and that she had to be with me now, but she didn't take them seriously and still did her own thing, it eventually got to her and told me that it is too much pressure for her to handle, her parents were always wanting her to be with me etc.
She has had a few deaths in the family since we had been going out so she has had to deal with a lot on her plate right now.
A few nights a go we sat down and she told me that she will resent me because she can't stand the pressure and the little fights we have, so we need to "start things over", and "work things out", I asked her how, and she said not be together, let me sort this stuff out, and when I have it all settld I will come back to you.. she kept saying how much she loved me.
Eventually I asked her if she was happy in our relationship and she told me no... crushed me big time, so we agreeded to do this start over thing.
We spoke again last night and she said that, "she loves me but can't be with me right now", so I'm like if you love me like you say you do, u would stay with me and we can work through your problems TOGETHER. She didn't agree, she ket telling me she will have a fear of resenting me. So I left it, she can't stop messaging and calling me, just to see what's up etc, let her know sh still loves me and is worried that I will hate her.
Again, last night she said she needs me more as a friend right now, so what we had can re-spark and she could feel the way she did when we first met. She has told me to wait for her, but if it takes to long she will let me no and told me to move on.

I really don't know what to do, how do I react, do I stay holding on? Is she lying? Do I be there for her as a friend?

Answers will be much apprecitated!

Thanks


I can't describe the pain I feel...
I don't get it
I am that if you love someone you would want to be with them, to help them through the hard times... and if you love that person you want to be with them and you don't feel unhappy about the relationship, that's not love if you ask me

[roxypox]

I don't know where the two of you live, but if her family thinks that she has to spend all her time with you and NONE with her friends... that's a pretty big expectation of an 18 year old girl.

You also say that she has had some deaths in her family during the 6 months you've been together. Which to me = stress, sadness etc (alot of emotions)

Even though she loves you, she is 18. The two of you are still young and her family seem to expect a lot from her. When you put that in with the deaths in her family... as sad and painful as it is, maybe there isn't enough room for you in her life right now. But it is still possible for her to love you.

As for the two of you, well maybe it was a bit too much at once.

I know your in pain, but some times we need to respect the choices of the once close to us. She feels she can't be with you right now... that doesn't imply that you have to sit around and wait for her to come around though.

I hope this was of some help!

[liz28]

Exactly how old are her parents?

Her parents are teaching her wrong by telling her her life stops because she has a boyfriend. I can't image what they would tell if she gets married. :-O

Of course this made her feel pressured and in the end resent you and cause things to end. However, I wonder what did you tell him when she told you what her parents said? Your response is very important.

A healty relationship involves you have a life outside of you not making your relationship your own life. You need balance and balance is hobbies, friends, and independence. So once her parents told her this she choose freedom and can you really blame her? I would've to if I was in her shoes. Love went out the door thanks to her parents.

The only thing you can do is move on and let go. She was honest with you all the way until the end and afterwards. You can't force someone nor beg them to be with you. But the great thing about this is life goes on and there are other girls.

Btw, what country do you live in? I just can't get over what are parents said. It is mind blowing!

[talaniman]

that's not love if u ask me

Me either, so be unavailable, and simply disappear from her life, and get one that makes you happy.

[ajGambino]

She loves you and cares for you, unfortunately not enough to be in a relationship with you. Whatever's in her life right now seems overloaded, so I would back off and give her time.

Try really hard with the NC, but not for her. For you. If you stick to it, you'll eventually start to feel better. Then you can make a clear choice of whether to be a part of her life... if she's still around.

Maybe she's lying, maybe she's too stressed, maybe she just wants out... but the only thing you should be worrying about is yourself now. Take care of yourself before you try to take care of what can't be fixed with just one person.

[doubelieve]

It seems that she needs to feel herself between friends again!
Her family is pushing on her so don't don't do the same!
Give her some space it's obvious she needs it.

I know it's hard to do that especially if you love her but you just can't oblige her to love you! I'm not saying she does or she doesn't! Time can do miracles just give her some time if you complete her she will feel that and sort out to get you back but if your not the reason of her heart's beat acceleration than you should continue your life and I'm sure u'll find someone who will know how to love u!