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    lielielie's Avatar
    lielielie Posts: 3, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Sep 10, 2010, 10:57 AM
    When boyfriend has cancer and lies?
    My boyfriend has cancer. Waited to tell me that after we dated for close two months. Then lies about stuff. Job loss, phone calls...
    beachloverjohn's Avatar
    beachloverjohn Posts: 491, Reputation: 242
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    #2

    Sep 10, 2010, 01:06 PM

    That is a sad situation, but lying to you about that and other things is not how you build trust. Hopefully you are not so involved that it's too late for you to reavaluate this relationship.
    Steelerschick93's Avatar
    Steelerschick93 Posts: 6, Reputation: 2
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    #3

    Sep 10, 2010, 01:16 PM
    Sweetheart, maybe he loves you to the point he doesn't want to tell you something tha sad, or he may even be embarrassed. Lying is wrong but sometimes when people lie its to protect someone. I'd talk to him about it and tell hi how you feel, but easily. People with cancer don't need stress, let him know you love him and you're here for him. And pray! God always helps :) good luck.
    slapshot_oi's Avatar
    slapshot_oi Posts: 1,537, Reputation: 589
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    #4

    Sep 10, 2010, 01:24 PM

    Well lielielie, how would you feel if you had just been diagnosed with a terminal illness?

    Learn to empathize.
    eightzeros's Avatar
    eightzeros Posts: 29, Reputation: 23
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    #5

    Sep 10, 2010, 01:50 PM

    I am sad for what you & your boy friend are going through.

    Lying is the deliberate act of deviating from the truth-shouldnt do it but seldom we find ourselves practicing it.

    Lying about job, phone calls is childish but would I tell my date of as young as 2 months that I have cancer? Well, depends if the trust between us has developed this fast that I can reveal something this personal.

    Probably you may need to divide two issues here. First, this guy isn't feeling well.

    Second, he lied about some stuff.

    It would bring out confused emotions if you are going to mingle two issues... just my thought, I hope it helps.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
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    #6

    Sep 10, 2010, 09:21 PM
    How do you know if he is telling the truth that he has cancer.

    I have personally experienced working with a woman who claimed not only to have cancer, but that she only had a few months to live. We were all devastated, and everybody contributed something, and it was a huge sum of money in the end. Well, she didn't have cancer at all.

    Some people for whatever reason, need attention- any kind of attention. And some will add something dramatic i.e. illness, job loss, etc. to justify being so needy, and their partners and friends are left providing any and all emotional support.

    I'm not telling you to get a note from his Doctor, but consider all things he is doing, and see if you can't gather more information to make sure he's on the level, in all regards.
    kaka67's Avatar
    kaka67 Posts: 261, Reputation: 200
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    #7

    Sep 10, 2010, 10:37 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Jake2008 View Post
    How do you know if he is telling the truth that he has cancer.
    Exactly. It does happen.

    My brothers wife had Lukeamia... not!

    She used to go to Europe for specialist treatment... i.e. new boyfriend... :mad:
    lielielie's Avatar
    lielielie Posts: 3, Reputation: 2
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    #8

    Sep 13, 2010, 07:21 AM
    Comment on slapshot_oi's post
    That is what I want to do is empathize? Trying to understand to help. Difficult when being blindsided and have no clue how to help. To figure out what is truth and lie.
    lielielie's Avatar
    lielielie Posts: 3, Reputation: 2
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    #9

    Sep 13, 2010, 07:25 AM
    All said and done. You can't help someone if you have no clue how to help. Having cancer is horrible, it followed my family for a life time. However, trust and truth is essential in a relationship. Cancer is a mind game of it's own? Why add more mind games?
    slapshot_oi's Avatar
    slapshot_oi Posts: 1,537, Reputation: 589
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    #10

    Sep 15, 2010, 11:19 AM

    I read this today: Newly wed man to divorce wife he claims faked leukemia to score free dress and honeymoon

    It takes a certain kind of person to lie like this, and I would think--I know I would 'cause I've known a few people like this--you would have an inexplicable, gut feeling that told you that something's wrong.

    Anyway, if you think he's lying, you don't trust him, so why continue to date him? It's only been a couple months.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
    		  
    #11

    Sep 15, 2010, 11:44 AM
    Maybe this is an emerging trend. It happened to me with a co-worker claiming to have cancer, when she didn't, and this scandal is still going on:

    http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/article/844614--woman-faked-cancer-to-raise-money?bn=1

    What is the world comng to when a person would stoop so low.

    But, it is in this case, and unknown. I do hope our OP comes back, and she can tell us what's going on one way or the other.
    lamp_post's Avatar
    lamp_post Posts: 73, Reputation: 15
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    #12

    Sep 15, 2010, 06:41 PM

    Check on the ingenuity first because accusing him. If is the truth then it will hurt him so so bad. He just want to be comfortable among the people and live like normal instead of feeling weird.

    He sensed that he is in love with you that he couldn't lie anymore and tell you, especially YOU.
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