[vanheart]

Yup.

[talaniman]

Leave her alone, and keep getting healthy. Mentally and physically, as well as emotionally. Glad you solved a problem, but keep working on yourself, without her.

[kaka67]

When something great happens in your life your first instinct is to call the one you feel close to.

I can totally relate to that.

But, she's not yours anymore to call. You two have moved on.

Your business is not her business anymore.

[vanheart]

Yes, well said.

Plus, why would you want to break NC?

You are doing so well.

Wouldn't want to start over now, would you?

[martinizing2]

It is a terrible situation when you love someone but can't be with them.
But it happens all the time. Love does not mean compatibility and happiness.

It can mean you are drawn to someone who , when you are together,you cannot get along with each other.
This is glaringly evident in your case.

Keep some dignity and self respect and DO NOT COMMUNICATE WITH HER IN ANY FORM!

Move on and work on healing yourself.
It's hard, it takes a long time, and you can't "switch off" love so it will be painful.

But it will get more confusing and painful if you keep trying to live the lie of, "we can make it work". Not in this case.
And you know it deep down.

Stop hoping and start healing.
It is hard , I know. But it will eventually fade as long as you stop rekindling it.

I wish you well

[Outoftime44]

Thanks everyone. I kept with it, 22 NC. Did not want to start over again, that is for sure.

Glad I am at the point where I can listen to other people objectively, as even though I almost get a huge urge to send something, I remember every single person says otherwise, and every single person can't be wrong.

I just realized how much my mood changed with an actual semi-diagnosis yesterday, and having this issue (2 years undiagnosed) really messed with my mood and created such isolation and desperation in me. Even chemically messed with my mood. Found out I have a protozoa parasitical infection in my liver and large intestine that 40,000 people die from a year, as well as a bacterial infection in my stomach lining that leads to stomach cancer. So obviously this was big news for me. Wipes out anything bad with her clear out of the window.

It just gave me a false hint of what could have been if I was healthy. And a reminder of having no one for a year when I was sick.

She is a straight up literal borderline personality chic that drove me crazy. I don't know why I care so much, but I think from seeing the borderline personality forum that people who date borderline people get sucked in BAD.

[Outoftime44]

Well it's been a month since I first posted this. I came a long, long way. I wasn't even a functioning person a month ago, and now see a lot more positives in myself and an improved sense of confidence. Everyday, I think of her less and less.

At times, I feel 'what could have been' but at times I feel good about myself and the unknown future I have. I don't need to have a GF who needs her ego fed and craves attention and flips on me. I need someone better. It is so clear that I only wanted to stay with her because I wanted a companion, and I was addicted. Not because I was happy with her.

I really want to thank all of you here who offered a lot of time and effort. You've been great, and vanheart you many times stopped me from doing something crazy.

I went to the Dr. and found out I had an ethical obligation to tell her about the bacteria thing. It can be passed through saliva. I actually think I got it from her, cause she had her own stomach problems. I did not have it last summer, but had it this summer, and she is the thing in the middle. So I texted messaged her a joke, then that I had this thing I am going to get better, and she freaked out that she is at risk, and I told her she has no symtpoms, I was just being nice, and I didn't have this until I met her. Maybe it's the cause of her stomach problems. She wished me well and said she hopes I am doing well and had a good birthday and I said, well I don't remember what I said, but something along the lines of if you don't have the symtpoms you are OK, don't worry, you're fine. Good luck. Don't be scared.

I am no longer living in continually anxiety. My body has a general sense of relief that I didn't have during the relationship and after it. It feels good.

In case anyone else is reading this, I know it is hard, and I know I couldn't follow their advice all of the time, but trust the people who are hear regularly giving advice. They are there for a reason. I know the heart can't always follow the mind, but it will eventually come around.

[vanheart]

Happy to hear you are doing better.

Let that be the last of your contact with her.

One thing I know is the busier I am with stuff, the less I thought (or think) about my ex or anything about by breakup.

See? Didn't even right then. Hehehhe.

[Outoftime44]

I realized during that contact that I didn't even like contacting her. She of course is freaking out, because that's all she did was freak out. Drive me mad freaking out so much. I used to have no anxiety. But now I have learned not to internalize other people's anxiety.

I learned that if you ever have to use the words "betrayed" or "abandoned" or "manipulated" then you have let yourself get too far into something. You need to be enough on your own, and no one should have that much sway on you. (I guess the exception is perhaps Parent/child brother/sister relationships). But in terms of a gf/friend, it is clear that I was buying into a story I wanted to believe and she wanted to sell. It's easy to sell when she mirrors me, promises me anything, worships me... but now I know, hard lesson to learn in so many ways.

Thankfully I found this place and helped people guide me in the right direction. However long it took.

[lifeistough75]

Well done out of time, you are no longer out of time, but with time :). Good for you, very glad to hear it, and you have indeed come a long way. I wish you all the best, I am definitely getting much better too. Time to live life, and enjoy it.

[Outoftime44]

Need more advice. I had a procedure today, endoscopy where they looked in my stomach and small intestine. It was severely inflamed and infected with growths. They took biopsies, so not sure the extent of the damage yet, but am starting a strong antiobiotic treatment. One of the things is easily transmittal through saliva, do I have an ethical duty to inform her of the severity of it? Yesterday I just said what it was in a lighter context.

Today was not good news. I mean good news I discovered it. But more severe than anticipated.

Uggh no matter who had it first, she is going to think I now gave her some crazy disease.

[vanheart]

Wait until you know the results & find out the details.

Your health is what's important.

If it turns out that she may have contacted something, then ask your doctor to notify her.

NC is NC.

Don't jump to conclusions, or cause yourself unnecessary stress. She may be unaffected.
Remember SHE is no longer in your life to worry about.

Just you. Remember?

Don't look for reasons to contact her.

[Outoftime44]

Thanks. What a disaster this year has been for me. I'm moving to a new place on Friday, time for a new start!

[Outoftime44]

You guys here probably spread this whole process along months, and saved me stress, and were a great outlet for my frustration. Not out of the woods yet, but a great help.

[vanheart]

Good.
There's way more than crying over an ex.

[Outoftime44]

It was more about the person I became. How far from myself I gradually devolved into during the relationship. The therapist seemed to think I am on the right track- that I put too much fault on myself - that her actions and issues would cause issues with any boyfriend. In fact, it had according to her pattern.

It just, you know, was a combination of dependence, being hurt, shock, and my own illness + my own loss of self identity. A horrible combination to say the least!

[Outoftime44]

So she is hitting me up now. She has "no hard feelings towards me." I have been curt and just acting indifferent. I feel I don't know the girl. She all of a sudden, upon arrival in foreign country where we were going to move together, tries to email and chat with me, etc, etc, comment on how far I am living from her here, etc,
Her feelings seemed pretty hard when she was sending me home on a train and refused to talk to me for 2 months!

[vanheart]

She's just trying to bait you.

Don't take the hook. Ignore her & stay NC.

[Cat1864]

So she is hitting me up now. She has "no hard feelings towards me." I have been curt and just acting indifferent. I feel I don't know the girl. She all of a sudden, upon arrival in foreign country where we were going to move together, tries to email and chat with me, etc, etc, comment on how far I am living from her here, etc,
her feelings seemed pretty hard when she was sending me home on a train and refused to talk to me for 2 months!

If you don't open them, you won't feel the need to respond in any fashion.

Treat her emails like spam, block and/or delete them.

Good luck and may you have a speedy recovery.

[Outoftime44]

What's she trying to bait me? She wants me back begging for her? She wants to use me?

She is so predictable