[supportingwife]

We both love his son. My husband has been his primary care taker since he was two and his mother left. During the marriage she had a second son who my husband assumed was his as well. One day when he got the mail he found a paternity test for the secong son who was at the time 10 months old. Her boyfriend demanded a paternity test and my husbands ex wife had it sent to her home address that she still shared with my husband. My husband had no ides she had a boyfriend and he found out the little boy who was 10 months old was not his when he opened the mail that day. Fast forward 14 yrs. Several people have contacted us from her family tellling my husband he is not the father of the 14 yr old either. Due to all the rumors we had a paternity test done and it came back that my husband is not the father. The results came Tuesday and he is out of town since Monday and will be home Friday night. I am trying to find out as much imformation as possible so when I tell his this heartbreaking news I can answer as many questions as he may have. Is there anyone out there with any informations or advice for me?? Please help.

[this8384]

We both love his son. My husband has been his primary care taker since he was two and his mother left. During the marriage she had a second son who my husband assumed was his as well. One day when he got the mail he found a paternity test for the secong son who was at the time 10 mths old. Her boyfriend demanded a paternity test and my husbands ex wife had it sent to her home address that she still shared with my husband. My husband had no ides she had a boyfriend and he found out the little boy who was 10 mths old was not his when he opened the mail that day. Fast forward 14 yrs. Several people have contacted us from her family tellling my husband he is not the father of the 14 yr old either. Due to all the rumors we had a paternity test done and it came back that my husband is not the father. The results came tuesday and he is out of town since monday and will be home friday night. I am trying to find out as much imformation as possible so when I tell his this heartbreaking news I can answer as many questions as he may have. Is there anyone out there with any informations or advice for me???????????? Please help.

What advice are you looking for exactly? Does he not want to be a part of his child's life anymore? Are you looking for legal advice or emotional support?

[ScottGem]

First, why is this heartbreaking? There is more to being a father than blood. Your husband has raised this child as his father for all his life. So your husband IS his father.

Generally, with a child born to married couples, the father is considered the legal father unless a challenge is issued. And there is often a window during when a challenge can be issued. This varies by your locale (btw since this is basically a legal question its been moved from the Children forum) so we would need to know the area.

[supportingwife]

Its heartbreaking because I have to tell the man I love a horrible thing. I know it will not change the relationship or love. I just worry that knowing such a terrible thing after 14 yrs would really rock my world but maybe I am just to emotional...

[supportingwife]

I guess both. Im worried about how my husband will take the news... I know he will worry that she would be able to just show up and take the boy... Am I just being too emotional about this?? Is it not a big deal??

[ScottGem]

First, please do not use the Comments feature for posting follow-up. Use the Answer This Question options.

Why is this so terrible? He was obviously aware that she cheated on him. So why do you think this will come as some huge shock? I think you need to take a different approach here. You should be minimizing the fact that he's not his son's bio father. That fact has NOTHING to do with his relationship to his son or vice versa. The only thing that this does is confirm that his ex is a liar and a cheat. But that's something he already knew.

[supportingwife]

Thank you and Im sorry. This is my first time using this site. I appreciate your look on this and maybe your right. I know this changes nothing. His ex has caused us so many problems and is so emotionally abusive to the son, I guess I am just in panic mode when it may not be needed. I do think consulting our attorney for legal advice would be a smart move. This would be so much better if my husband were home when we received the results. Im betting he will want to put results in safe and wait for our son to grow and mature and find the right time to tell him. (If there is ever a right time)

[ScottGem]

Yes consulting an attorney is a very good idea. An attorney can tell you the chances of someone else getting custody.