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ahhhitswells · Sep 8, 2010, 07:30 AM

I don't like to make things elaborate... Basically, I've been with the same girl for 4 years. We've had our off and ons but never showed interest in other people except when we just met. She was interested in another guy. 4 years later, we are both 21. She loses her virginity to me only 3-4 weeks ago. Everything is going well, she kept on begging me to visit her (she went home for the summer, college). And right before she gets back, she hands out with that guy from 4 years and makes out with him. The next day, she comes and we have sex and still have been. My question is, what does she want? When we talked about it. She said that she can't see herself with anyone else, but wants to find out for sure because "everyone else dates around".

Should I wait for her?
What is she actually thinking? (is this just a friendly way to say she's over me?)
Have I just been used this whole time while she finds a better guy?

Kitkat22 · Sep 8, 2010, 07:37 AM

Sounds like you started dating at a young age. I think maybe she's not wanting to hurt you so she's
Making it sound like she's needing space.

I think maybe she has a connection with the guy from back home. Let her go and go NC.

adam_89 · Sep 8, 2010, 08:12 AM

Well, I was once where you are. In a way. Me and this girl dated for awhile and we took each others virginity. We were together for a lot longer after that and I thought we were perfect together and would be together forever. Dumb, young love I guess. Anyway, She thought it would be unhealthy if we stayed together and never got to see what it was like to be with someone else. So, she dumped me and said that mayeb someday we could get back together if it was meant to be and we just needed to see what else was out there. I am thankful for that now, but I didn't see it then. Now the bad news, she never came back. That could have been for more reasons than one. I hope you get the point of this story and it helps you in some way.

Shadowburn · Sep 8, 2010, 08:26 AM

Originally Posted by adam_89

I am thankful for that now, but I didn't see it then. Now the bad news, she never came back. That could have been for more reasons than one. I hope you get the point of this story and it helps you in some way.

Maybe it's the good news after all. Why would you want to be with someone in what you perceive to be the perfect relationship, and then they just up and leave to look what else is out there.

Let them look. And don't let them think you're sitting and waiting patiently while they're exploring their options. Go NC, and explore yours.

Good luck.

slapshot_oi · Sep 8, 2010, 08:34 AM

You should not wait for her.

She is thinking exactly what she told you. You really have to take her word for it.

You have not been used by her.

She just wants experience. To some people (like myself and your girlfriend) dating is a numbers game and you can only be certain who you want if you dated people that, as it turned out, you didn't want because of physical attraction, chemistry, whatever the case may be.

Related video (seriously): What we can learn from spaghetti sauce. The premise here is people don't know what they want unless they try a bunch of stuff and realize what they don't want, then the picture becomes much clearer.

talaniman · Sep 8, 2010, 08:59 AM

She likes you, but likes exploring her world, and that's so normal for a young person. No you don't wait for her to find out what she wants, that could take years, just do your own thing, while she is doing hers, and don't try to tie her to you forever, because she isn't going to let that happen anyway, no matter how she feels about you.

She wants to do her thing, that's pretty clear.

BMI · Sep 8, 2010, 09:28 AM

As everyone touched on above, she wants everything. The disturbing thing she mentioned was that she cannot see herself with anyone else but wants to make sure. Oh OK. Perhaps you could remind her that relationships are not really like shoe shopping (though in many ways they are).

I think, at her age, this is the best way she knows going about trying to explore other interests while not wanting to hurt you by being up front about why she is having these feelings. From experience, and from the stories on this site, once you reach this stage it is very rare that you will be able to recover what you had with her. If you do, it usually does not last. You are both growing up, it is natural for things like this to happen as it does to everyone. Best thing is to avoid chasing something that has ended, regardless of what she says. She says these lovely things (your my true love, etc.) as a way of letting you down easy. If you go chasing after these words you will uncover answers you had no intention of seeking.