[sadsteve]

Hi everyone. I will try and keep this short to save you reading and me typing!

My girlfriend of 6 years told me the other day she doesn't love me anymore. After a small bit of digging she said she doesn't find me attractive anymore, is fed up with life and feels stuck in a rut.

Bit of background.
Met her at uni. I had my own place. We were both 22ish. When we finished uni I suggested we got a house after 3 years together. Not that its important, but I will mention it to complete the picture, she had debt so I bought the house. It is also worth mentioning that she mentions regularly that I pay for everything. I do (cars, bills, mortgage, meals, holdays etc. It is not important to me, it never has been and never will be as I have grown up with money. It's the way it is. (I have never and will never brag about it, ever!) but it bother her that she went to uni and can't get a (in her word) good job.
We struggled a bit after moving to the new place, sleepy village, her best friend moved to thailand for good and she was bored I think. Feeling like she was missing out. I realise now that she did this for me and that maybe she as always resented me a bit for it, not going travelling and stuff...
This xmas we went to thailand for a month. Brilliant! Everything was awesome, it really was. We had sex every night and tried 'new things' (with each other of course)
Got back. Her mum had cancer and stayed at ours for 8 months. Sex stopped as it was stressful time and would be a bit wrong with her mum in the house. She got a temp job which she didn't like much and went back to work too.
Move on 8 months, her mum moves out and we carry on. The house is a dump but I work hard to try and make it habitable. We had no kitchen, horrible bathroom, no heating or much really. But it's a lovely place with lots of 'potential!' it now has a fantastic new kitchen, new bathroom, central heating, stove etc and are puuting planning application in soon to extend. (I'm an architect, but do all the work myself)
Skip forward a bit more, Sunday, she says she doesn't love me anymore(n sex since February remember)and I suggest she stays at a friends so we can think about stuff (a very similar thing happened almost exactly a year ago).

Its odd. She is very much a glass half empty kind of person, I'm more of a glass half full. The odd thing is we get along so well and can spend ages together, have a laugh etc. do loads of fun stuff together, I taught her to surf, we have a boat that I taught her to drive and learn to wakeboard, we go out for meals a fair bit and go to the beach. I send her flower or pick them for her. That sort of thing.

I do spend a lot of time playing with cars and boats, but I see that as time apart which is healthy, but she thinks she does all the housework etc. I do a bit, but she does more if I'm honest. But I'm building a house and maintaining 3 cars at the same time!

I think I know the answer. She doesn't love you, there is no coming back from that. But is that really the case? She said I could do better and she didn't deserve me and that we have drifted becoming companions, not lovers and that were too young to be in that situation (I'm 27, she's 26).

I have become a bit lazy in my upkeep, I shave maybe once a week and am getting a bit of a beer bell but have been working hard to get rid.

A bit of me thinks that if we were apart she would be happier as she can do what she likes, like travelling. I am very happy with my life. But she is obviously not as happy with hers and maybe associates some of it with being with me.

Anyway, I'm all a bit confused about what to do. She is staying at a friends for now until Thursday and want a good idea what to do when she is back. I would love to throw myself at her and apologise for not being better but I am not that stupid. I will be cool, calm and collected and will look at it with my head and not my heart as that seems to be were everyone else goes wrong.

That's my waffle! Any opinions or advice appreciated. Oh, and she has suffered from depression in that past but won't see anyone about it, could it be that?

Obviously there is more, a lot more, but I was trying to keep it short. Whoops!

Steve

[BMI]

Yes short. No offence but the one sentence of 'she does not love you anymore' renders the rest of the story useless. I know you question whether that is the case, that is normal after breking up with someone after such a long period. However, no amount of background, analytical thought, apologies, etc is going to change the reality of the situation. Instead of looking for ways to 'improve' and become the perfect man (not possible, especially because that is not why she left you) take it as her saying she does not want you. Use that as motivation to find someone who is interested in being with you forever. It's not an insult, happens to all of us at one time or another.

It sucks, it hurts, it will stay for some time yet. Worst thing is to mull it over, devise plans, try to change for someone who does not want you, etc. When you do get over her, having acted out any of these crazy ideas will make you feel like a fool.

Good luck buddy.

[magggie]

I think give her space, but still talk to her don't stop talking, sounds a bit like it's her depression talking. Give her what she wants, but let her also know that you are here for her. And sometimes you need to follow your heart not your head that doesn't make you stupid, it just shows what a wonderful caring, loving person you are. Mention to her to get help for her depression and let her know if she's afraid to go alone let her know that you will go with her for support. Good Luck !