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biguy101 · Sep 5, 2010, 07:37 PM

Hello,

I am a 24 year bi guy and I am seeing another bi guy that is currently in an open relationship with his girlfriend of 6 years, they also have a 3 year old child together. He says he loves me and wants to be with me for the rest of our lives and he said that he has changed because of me. I do not agree with these open relationships and really want him to be faithful to me. We have been together "officially" for about a month but he has yet to break up with his girlfriend. Do you all feel he is playing mind games with me and if he is going to actually "leave" his girlfriend for me?

Also, I think he is getting ready to ask me to marry him.

Please help if you can!

Kitkat22 · Sep 5, 2010, 07:44 PM

He will always be tied to this woman because they have a child together.

Even if he leaves her and comes to you the bond with the mother of his child will be there.

You need to think about this. I don't know whether he's lying to you or not, but the child should be the priority.

asking · Sep 5, 2010, 07:47 PM

Unless his girlfriend knows about you and has told you that they have an open relationship, I would not take his word for it. How long have you been seeing him?

Ask to meet his girlfriend and see what he says. I think it's more likely that he's conflicted and not as ready to make the jump as he would like you to think. He sounds infatuated.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 5, 2010, 08:11 PM

Yes do you know that his girl friend knows about you.

And sorry but his "story" sounds just like the same story a married man tells his mistress. I am going to leave but >>> I will leave as soon as >>>

If he was going to leave he would be gone.

talaniman · Sep 6, 2010, 05:08 AM

Not only do you expect a hell of a lot after ONE freakin' month, but he has a life that he enjoys without you. Not very smart or realistic of you in my opinion.

Cat1864 · Sep 6, 2010, 06:05 AM

You say that you have been a couple 'officially' for about a month. How long were you 'together' 'unofficially'?

As the others have said, only if his girlfriend knows about you and is okay with the arrangement is it an open relationship. If you know but she doesn't, it isn't an open relationship. It is you being the other man and helping this person cheat.

Because I don't know how long he hid you in the shadows (allowing that she now knows about you and that is why you use the term 'officially' to describe your relationship), I won't say anything about how fast this seems to be progressing. I will say that you need to look at what you are doing and the people involved. At the very best, you help destroy two other people's lives because of your own wants.

You should never have gotten involved with him in the first place if you knew that you can't handle being part of a triangle.

Jumping from one relationship to the next is not a healthy way to leave one and begin the next. You would be living your life wondering who he might be wanting to play with next. When would he decide he needs a woman to satisfy that part of his needs (I am not saying that bi-sexual people can't stay with one partner; only that this male has shown that he wants both male and female partners as evidenced by his 'open' relationship with his current girlfriend). You will be wondering if or why you aren't enough. You will be wondering what he is doing with his baby's mama when he goes to visit him/her.

IF they have had an 'open' relationship for the six years they have been together, a question to ask yourself is: How many other people has he said these same things to, but he has stayed with her?

biguy101 · Sep 6, 2010, 08:15 AM

Thanks for the advice everyone. We have been seeing each other off and on since the middle of June but made it official in August. His girlfriend knows about me and all but she doesn't know that it is come this far. I am a bit skeptical that he is playing mind games with me. Everyone tells me if he loves me the way he says he does than he should've already left her. He keeps telling me he has a secret about our future.

DoulaLC · Sep 6, 2010, 08:45 AM

He may very well care for you, but he is not likely to make it an exclusive relationship.

If you want someone for yourself, best to cut your losses now, even thought it may hurt, and free yourself to be able to meet someone who is not involved elsewhere. Do not be held on by this supposed secret he has. No doubt he will find all kinds of things to say to try and entice you to stick around, but if ultimately it is not what you want from a relationship it won't work... no matter how much you may wish it would.

If his girlfriend doesn't really know the extent of your relationship with him, because he obviously hasn't shared that with her, he is cheating on her plain and simple. Would you really want to be with someone who would cheat on someone they supposedly loved and cared for?

Cat1864 · Sep 6, 2010, 08:45 AM

Maybe I am just cynical, but I don't trust anyone who proclaims their undying love in less than three months of on-and-off dating especially when that person is involved with another person who has probably heard the same words.

As I said before, even if he leaves her for you, there will be major problems ahead.

Quite frankly, if he is willing to leave her after six years and a child together for someone he has 'dated' for less than three months, he probably will make the next jump even faster. Either the grass will be greener or it will be a different type that m
He just can't live without.

You want a committed monogamus relationship. Does he? In the future, sooner or later, would he be asking you for an 'open' relationship?

talaniman · Sep 6, 2010, 08:51 AM

His girlfriend knows about me and all but she doesn't know that it is come this far. I am a bit skeptical that he is playing mind games with me

Cheaters always have games to play so they can have what they want. So sad you are falling for those games even though you know that's exactly what they are.

biguy101 · Sep 6, 2010, 10:10 AM

Also, him, his girlfriend, son, and a few other family members are scheduled to go on a 7 day cruise in October. Well, he has told me I am going instead of his girlfriend. He said he told his girlfriend and she got a little upset... this is a bit strange to me as well that she got just a little upset??

Kitkat22 · Sep 6, 2010, 10:14 AM

Originally Posted by biguy101

Also, him, his girlfriend, son, and a few other family members are scheduled to go on a 7 day cruise in October. Well, he has told me I am going instead of his girlfriend. He said he told his girlfriend and she got a little upset...this is a bit strange to me as well that she got just a little upset???

Time will tell. Something will probably come up between now and October. A sick girlfriend, a sick mom, he doesn't feel right leaving her alone. Don't count on the cruise.

talaniman · Sep 6, 2010, 10:23 AM

When things seem strange and don't add up, maybe you are not asking a few questions that you need to. Like "why was she upset", and "whats going on", and "what the freak are you talking about?"

Kitkat22 · Sep 6, 2010, 10:24 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

When things seem strange and don't add up, maybe you are not asking a few questions that you need to. Like "why was she upset", and "whats going on", and "what the freak are you talking about?"

What can I add? You said it all.:cool:

asking · Sep 6, 2010, 11:41 AM

a) If she's upset, then she is not fine with being displaced by you (no surprise). I think you need a very clear definition of what "open" means or meant to both your boyfriend and his partner. I would ask to speak to both of them in the same room about these things.

b) Why is your boyfriend telling you she's upset? Is he merely confiding in you, or is he enjoying the drama that's building with himself at the center of it? You have to at least ask these questions...

biguy101 · Sep 6, 2010, 12:21 PM

He said she was upset but would have to get over it. In a way, I don't really think he has told her anything about the cruise.

By the way, when I am around him and his girlfriend, he says I love you to her in front of me and he says I love you to me in front of her. He said he loves her but is not in love with her.

asking · Sep 6, 2010, 12:23 PM

Originally Posted by biguy101

By the way, when I am around him and his girlfriend, he says I love you to her infront of me and he says I love you to me infront of her. He said he loves her but is not in love with her.

Okay, that helps! This was not clear to me before.

biguy101 · Sep 6, 2010, 12:29 PM

So does that make any difference with my situation?

Kitkat22 · Sep 6, 2010, 12:57 PM

It tells me he's using you both.

talaniman · Sep 6, 2010, 01:12 PM

Originally Posted by biguy101
By the way, when I am around him and his girlfriend, he says I love you to her in front of me and he says I love you to me in front of her. He said he loves her but is not in love with her.

That's probably what he says to her when you are not around, or why the heck would she still be there.

Kit is right, she, and you, are both allowing yourselves to be played for fools.