[pardawg45]

Ok, I met a girl with a boyfriend and we clicked instantly. I would never make a move on her or even tell her how I feel, because I feel that both are DB moves and I pride myself in not being one. However, I would like to date her, and getting to know her has helped me learn things about her and really develop a strong bond. I read this advice (below) and I was wondering if I am stuck in the friend zone or if I still have a chance, as I have not asked her out because not only does she have a boyfriend, but up until recently we worked in the same office (we don't now).:

"This all has to do with a woman's sense of attraction and security. First, if a woman is attracted to a guy she'll want to get to know him better. If he's a potential mate, she'll want to know he's worth the time. If he has any balls he'll actually make an attempt to approach, make a connection and continue to build that attraction between the two of them. If he fails it's over, we all know this.

Now, if there is attraction between a man and a woman and the guy doesn't do anything about it, there is a shelf life, and this is where security comes in to play. A woman needs to know she can rely on a potential mate, as a provider, protector,(the proverbial hunter that will leap into action and slay the wild bear when he comes a growling). Anyway, if the guy doesn't have enough balls to say hello, how is he gonna be a strong presence in a woman's life? He's not, and that's why he's put in the friends zone, because he's unworthy. It's as simple as that."

I kind of wish that we are like "The Office", but I know that is fantasy. I am pretty ready to move on, but if there is even a chance with her, I would gladly try and take it with her. I know the typical response to this is "Leave her alone" or "Get a life", I understand that. It is a two way street with her and me, so, I am simply asking if you think that there is a chance of something more.

[lovinu88]

How is her relationship with her boyfriend? As in could it lead to marriage? Do they have children together?

You should really think about this before you tell her how you feel.

If you two have a really really strong relationship (and she doesn't feel the same way) then it shouldn't affect your relationship by telling her how you feel.

You just have to know the line between friends and bf/gf.

[pardawg45]

I have a direct quote from a friend of her about her relationship with her bf:

"I talked to her the other day about her boyfriend. I asked if he was “the one”. She said, no. I asked her how long she would date him if that was the case, and she said, she wonders the same thing."

[HistorianChick]

I only have one rule when it comes to relationships, and I'll share it with you.

If a man/woman is in a relationship/dating/married/or otherwise "attached" to someone, they are not available. Period.

If you were to live by that rule, you'd save yourself a whole lot of heartache.

Sometimes it hurts to hold a candle for someone who is in a relationship, but you have to let her be in her relationship. If she didn't want to be in it, she wouldn't be in it.

If she's unhappy, which upon reading your friend's quote it seems she may be, it is her prerogative to either fix the relationship or get out of the relationship. But it is her choice. You should in no way influence her decision.

If you want to wait for her, that's your choice. But really, she's in a relationship, let her be in her relationship.

[pardawg45]

I know, I totally agree with you, she is not available and it is her choice. I am just wondering if it is worth holding a candle for her, if "the juice is worth the squeeze". I know it is stupid to wait for "a sign" but I really don't know. I am guessing that nothing will ever happen and I will meet someone else, but I will always wonder about her. There have been so many times that I almost said something to her, and held back. The logical part of me understands that and held me back, but logic doesn't usually work when it comes to relationships. It is usually that illogical thing you do that endears you to that special girl. Does anyone have that word of advice that will help me understand what to look for, or how to know?

[Cat1864]

Even if she left her boyfriend today, she will need a long time to heal from the relationship and break up.

You don't want her to leave him for you. Jumping from one relationship to another without taking time to heal is not good for the people involved or the relationship itself. For her there will always be the question of 'did I make the right move'. Especially once she realizes that the grass needs just as much upkeep on your side of the fence as the one she came from. For you, it will be the insecurity of wondering when she will leave you for the next guy. You will also be wondering about every other male friend she has and if they are threats to your relationship.

You would want her to have plenty of space and time to heal and get rid of the baggage. There is absolutely no sense in making yourself a rebound relationship.

I suggest you stop looking for signs from this girl that you are next on her list and start paying attention to the available women who might be even better suited to be in a relationship with you than you think this one is.

[DARKFUTURE6]

Ask this site about boundaries between girlfriend and friend then evaluate your current situation then tell her your feelings. Like your advice- If the guys got balls he'll be there for her but if he doesn't is he going to be a sufficient match. I understand the whole "The Office" fantasy and I've been in the same situation except a different fantasy.

Hope this helps.