[Phoneus]

This could be really long so I will make it short and detailed as possible.

The other night my girlfriend (or ex... idk right now) who I live with mind you, told me on the phone after I asked her what was going on, told me "Im done. Its over" multiple times. Her emotions were running high as well as mine. I started to panic and cried. Mass texts and calls to her as ones reaction would be. Shortly after her best friend who knows her better than me, that tells her everything involving me, etc... called me and we talked. Explained to me that my girlfriend has always dealt with things her whole life by bottling up her issues and running away from them. Lack of pure communication if you will.

Anyway the next day my girlfriend called me (from her boss melissa's house who's she now staying with for until I don't know how long) in a more calm collected tone. She said she is deeply sorry and doesn't mean to hurt me but this is something she needs to do. She needs to be alone and was sorry for not communicating better. After her telling me that I panicked again and told her I was sorry and I will fix everything and I want her to stay after the 2+ years we have lived together, etc. I even let her know via text (because I honestly was going to in a couple months) that I wanted to get engaged to her. All the problems minus her lack of communication skills have been my fault. No one to blame but me and mistakes that are fixable.

It's lately I have been irratating to the point where she admitted she has a hard time being in the same room with me and doesn't have that same love she once had. I feel this is all my fault for the ongoing things that slowly developed into contributing to this. She said also lately she has been with me to make me happy. As her friend told me the other day she feels like I love her just to love her and nothing else. Entirely wrong because I love her with my heart and soul.

Anyway she has been upset with me about all sorts of decision making that hasn't involved her. Such as me quitting my job and not discussing ahead of time with her.
I also have made rude remarks in a joking matter I thought nothing of because you get so comfortable with someone you don't realize what your saying hurts.
I have argued about stupid **** that was unessicary and pointless, but did it cause I thought it was funny at the time.

Ive had issues with playing a lot of poker at the casino and winning a lot but losing a lot sometimes. When I've lost I've had to sell a few high end things to recooperate my funds but not enough to go 100% broke. This has bothered her obviously but she never directly said to me this needs to stop or we can't exist together anymore, etc.
Also I've hosted weekly poker games for the past year 1 time a week or everyother week. She has said a few times she was sick of people over all the time but never again said to me directly that the game has to end or we would.

Should she have been more specific and clear with her communication to me? Or has it been my fault in not listening closely as maybe I should have to what was potentially bothering her?

I am at loss and right now I don't know if her initial call when she said she was done with me is standing or later conversation claimed she just needs space right now?

The last conversation I had with her three days ago where we talked for 11 minutes and I expressed my deepest apologies and my utter willingness to make things work by correcting my mistakes that had led to this. She said she understands and will take everything into consideration while she gets her needed space from me. She told me not to text or call for the time being unless emergency.
This has been really hard because all of her stuff is in our house including her cat. She hasn't been back in 4 days since coming by with the girl she's staying with to grab a bag of some clothes, etc.

I know to not communicate from here until she talks to me is what everyone saying is the only thing to do at this point or I will push her farther away from what space she wants.

Can anyone assess this and tell me if you think a breakup is surely what she means or just space away for a while to clear her head ? (we have been with each other every day for 2+ years, except separate vacations last year for a week)

[Enigma1999]

I think it is what it is. I believe her actions spoke louder than her words.

Communication would have helped I am sure. It is clear she does bottle things up inside.

You had to know or at least sense something from her though. A sign that she was getting upset about the fact that you quit your job without discussing it with her. The fact that you host parties and have been doing it for a year now, once a week.

Did YOU ever once think to ask her if she was OK with all of that?

So now she she wants space. She seems like she is keeping her ground on this one. Let her.

Give her space. She sounds mature, and mature people take the time to think things over.

Let her be for now.

If it is meant to be between you and she, then it will be.

[beachloverjohn]

Well, I have been through exactly the same thing a few years ago. Difference is, I did contact my ex and it did push her further away. And we never got back together. Honestly, because she said her feelings have changed, I hate to say this but I think it's over. But you are doing the right thing by no contact as she requested. At least this will give her a chance to miss you. Don't beat yourself up for the groveling and begging. We all have done that. But if you do get back together, you are going to have to make some changes, primarily the gambling. I'm sure this is a much bigger issue than you think. And more importantly, this behavior will continue in future relationships and could be an issue again. So even if you two don't get back together, at least learn from this for your next girlfriend. Gambling does affect your personality, mostly in a negative way, and any addiction needs to be curbed before you lose more than just money. But hang in there, she just might decide to try to work things out if she really believes you will change. But again, be prepared to make the changes I mentioned. But most importantly, you have to make these changes for yourself, not her, because if she doesn't come back, you will fall right back into that habit.

[Phoneus]

Thank you for your replies. All the support online with forums and through my friends helps with this situation. I am praying for the best and if she comes back to me then she's willing to trust my mistakes in fixing them. If not, I was told I will find someone even better. Time will tell either way

[beachloverjohn]

You have the right attitude , but I do believe you could have a gambling problem which, like drinking or drugs, becomes a problem for significant others and can always be an issue in your relationships. So continue to work on yourself,but only you can decide if "poker" has become a compulsion to you, and if it is, seek help in stopping. Otherwise you will spend your life having to make decisions between the casino and the girlfriend/wife. And that will result in a lot of resentment,hurt, and "I"ve had enough, I;m leaving"

[Phoneus]

Its more than the gambling though I know for a fact. She needs to find it in herself to want to forgive me and trust I will fix these issues. Everything even including the gambling. I will wait and see what happens. In the mean time I need to focus on me until we again communicate.

[beachloverjohn]

You sound like you are working on fixing yourself, and you deserve a lot of credit for facing your issues rather than to blame someone else for your problems. You have a much better attitude then I had when I was going through the same thing. I wish I had given it time, as you say you are, because if I had maybe I wouldn't have lost the love of my life. Let's hope love DOES CONQUER ALL.

[talaniman]

I really don't think she will change her mind any time soon, as it took a lot of time, and really bad behavior on your part to run her away from you, and it will take longer than a week, or too to regain her confidence back, if at all.

Regardless of whether she comes back or not, you have a lot of personal issues to deal with, and I hope you deal with them.

[lickemlolly]

From a woman's point of view... a woman doesn't always need to say I want you to stop whatever it is that you are doing that is getting on her nerves... she told you that it bothered her.. that was your hint to give it a rest.. maybe once a month or so you could pick poker or gambling... a woman may tell you she is unhappy but may not ask you to give something up because she knows that you love doing it... so in essence she doesn't want to be that jerk that rules her boyfriends life but she wants YOU to make that decision to say hey this is making my girl unhappy maybe I should tone it down a notch... she has clearly communicated to you and you clearly ignored her and in doing so ignored her heart... cherish the woman you love or be prepared to lose her... and it sounds like my friend that you have lost her.. when a woman gets fed up there isn't much you can do about it to change her mind... I hope this works out to your advantage.. but it doesn't sound like she is coming back.. sounds more like she's trying to figure out if she can get over you and how easily she can do it..

[vanheart]

Regardless of your gambling habit or what drove her.

She's communicated how she feels. Sounds like a bunch of times.

If you really love her, then let her be.

Don't try & force any further issues.

Respect her wishes. No need for begging after the fact.

"She told me not to text or call for the time being unless emergency. "

The next emergency may be telling her to come get her stuff. If she doesn't first.

[vanheart]

We all make mistakes. Ive made lots.
That's how we define success later. And learn.

Lessons.

Sounds like you are realizing that. But waiting when you already know in your heart.

I love these quotes:

“Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.”
Oscar Wilde

“Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression. Do not repeat them in the future.”
Swami Sivananda

“There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go.”
Richard Bach

Some say waiting is the hardest part.