[laxinator1014]

So, I just got dumped on Friday, and I'm doing better then I thought. I've been seeing friends and all that, but I still miss her. We dated for sixteen months, and everything was fine the first seven months. Then things started going downhill, she started changing. She started wanting to leave me alone if I got upset, and she didn't want to talk or see me as much. At first I believed it to be the relationship maturing, but it got worse. At the start of the summer we stopped talking, unless it was to say goodnight or good morning. We only saw each other once a week, and eventually the times we would spend together would end up with her getting upset because she was thinking of a break. Whenever we'd text at night to say goodnight she'd say she's unsure if she loves me, or cares about me like she used too, so I said that we would talk it out in person, but her mind changed in person. The cycle repeated for a while until last week. She said she wanted a break, because she needed to figure out her feelings. I told her to go to a therapist because she is one who tends to over think a situation, and it'd be best to get an 'outsiders' perspective. She agreed to this, however, on Friday she called me and was upset. I asked why and she said she wants out. She said she couldn't take her mind changing anymore, and that it's gotten to the point where even saying goodnight frustrates her. She said she didn't care about us anymore, or to see me, or to talk to me. So I agreed to the break up. Then she said she would like to remain friends, and would tell me if she's upset and needs someone to talk too. I knew it wasn't going to happen, but I agreed. She then told me she wants her stuff back that she gave me as soon as possible(A stuffed animal that meant a lot to her was my birthday gift, but now she wants it back. As well as Christmas gifts and other things she has given to me overtime.) I'm confused as to how to give her the things back when she doesn't want to see or talk to me. I haven't talked to her since she hung up the phone, and I'm able to breathe easier than I expected. Please, if you read this far, don't judge the relationship just because we're in our final years of high school, I want it to be looked at for a relationship problem, not as a childish thing. I just need clarification on if what I'm doing is right, and how to get her stuff back to her. Or if I should even wish her Happy Birthday since her birthday's coming up. If you read this far, thank you for reading and caring.

[Homegirl 50]

From your post I see that things had been going down hill for a longer period that they were good, so a break was probably the best thing.
Take her things to her house when she is not there (I assume she lives at home) and be done with it.

[Just Looking]

You sound like you are doing pretty well for just the second day of this breakup. Sixteen months of dating in high school is a long time, and I'm sure this is difficult for you. As for how to get her things back to her, do you have a mutual friend who could make the exchange? It would be easier for both of you to do it through a third party. Another option is to arrange a time to drop it off at her house, and she can be sure to not come to the door.

As far as her birthday, you would do best not to say anything to her. She asked for a breakup. For both of your sakes, give it to her. It's not a good idea for either of you to be friends at this time. It will just confuse you and cause the hurt to linger longer. She has her own friends and family for support, just as you have. There are a lot of good stickies in this forum that you should read about No Contact and how to proceed after a breakup. I know the idea of staying friends sounds good, but it really isn't. You both need to heal and get on with your lives. Spend some time reading some of the other posts in this forum. There are plenty of young guys in here who have been through breakups, and I think you will find they all did better once they went No Contact.

Missing her is normal, but from everything you said it sounds like the breakup was necessary. You are doing the right thing to spend time with friends and family. With school starting soon, you will be busy which will help keep your mind off her. Do you go to the same high school? If so, think about how you will handle that so you don't have issues when you see her. If you can concentrate on school and what you want to do when you graduate, it will help you in the long run. Are you planning on college? If so, you have a lot of work ahead of you to choose a college, a major, take whatever exams are needed, make applications. It's an exciting time.

[Devorameira]

Sounds like she's been comtemplating a break up for a long time.

You could box up the things she wants and have a mutual friend deliver it to her, OR you could mail it if you don't want to get anyone else involved.

Good luck!

[laxinator1014]

Thanks guys, I plan on continuing the no contact thing. As for her stuff, I'll probably just put it all in a bag, ring the doorbell, and leave. All our mutual friends live pretty far. High school was never a problem when with her, but I guess now it'll be better seeing as I don't have the relationship drama to add onto the school work and activities. There's a lot of posts I read, and I think they helped me be able to handle the situation the way I have been doing so. I think I'm already at the stage of not wanting her back, though I wish I would've had my final thoughts said to her, as opposed to being hung up on. Thank you all for the advice!