[stone563]

My ex-wife and I were married in 1997 after being together for 2 years. We have a son who was born in 1996. I found out in 1999 that she had cheated on me with my best friend in 1996... 9 months before our son was born. I was devastated and called my father to come over and help me through it. He and his wife came over but instead of comforting me she went right to her and gave her a big hug and told her everything was going to be all right... I felt our marriage was over especially since this friend who she slept with was my best-man in our wedding... I left and went to live with my sister for a while. My dad and his wife called my ex and even offered to let her and our son move in with them. When all this happened I felt I had no one to talk to and I got into drugs and alcohol pretty bad. I reconciled with her and went on with the marriage for another 10 years. While I was doing drugs and drinking she was right along side of me doing the same thing... we would get high together... the point is when we divorced she would tell my family all these horrible things I did to her but of course leave out the fact that she did the same things. I have never said anything bad about her because I don't want our son to have any negative feelings toward his mother. But when I started dating again she started limiting my visits and when I moved in with my current girlfriend she stopped the visits alltogether(he is 13 so courts won't help) I saw them at my grandfathers funeral a couple weeks ago and my son looked at me with such hatred that it broke my heart. I knew right then that she had told him bad things about me and I'm sure exaggerated a bit. I have always admitted my wrong doing but I have been clean and sober for 3 years now but she has kept my son from me for almost 2 yrs. I told her at the funeral that I want my son in my life and she said she wouldn't stop it but rather than drop him off at MY families house for the funeral and let me try to reconnect with him she made sure to stay for the duration and even sit with my family. I feel that she not only took everything in the divorce but she took my son and my family from me as well. I wrote my son a long letter expressing sorrow for the mistakes I made and telling him I missed and loved him but I don't think she gave it to him.

[JudyKayTee]

I don't really know what you asking but I am not familiar with ANY State that no longer has jurisdiction over someone who is 13. You also say AFTER she left you got into drugs and alcohol. Were you drinking and drugging BEFORE she left, before the revelation that she had had an affair? It seems odd to me that your family would take her side - but I do know that that happens.

Go back to Court and get visitation squared away. If there are problems with what your son has been told, ask that he go for counselling. Ask the Court if ALL parties can speak to a social worker or other professional in order to determine what is in the best interest of the child.

As far as you moving in with your girlfriend - maybe your "ex" feels this is inappropriate. You need to go to Court and address her concerns, prove to the Court that your living situation is not a danger (emotionally or physically) to the child.

And, again - what State?

[stone563]

I live in Ohio. And yes I got into the drinking and drugs while we were still married after I found out about the cheating. I was worse than her on that but she still did it with me on more than a couple of occasions.


My big problem is that EVERYTHING she says that makes me out to be this horrible person she has done the same thing but she is immediately forgiven while I'm still being villianized. And now to my son from her...


And now being villianized to my son by her I should say

[JudyKayTee]

So go to Court - I find nothing to indicate that the Court does not have an interest in custody and/or visitation involving a 13 year old.

And get everyone into counselling - which I believe I said earlier.

[talaniman]

Hold it dude, you don't get to blame your problems and the way you handled it, on any one but yourself. Own it, and deal with it. You blame your parents for helping her, and not supporting you, her for doing drugs with you, and her for poisoning your son against you. Hmm, everyone but you, after you called the parents for help, you got into alcohol and drugs and she followed you, and you did nothing to get your child in your life. And your right, I don't believe you tried.

You can start now by straightening out your life, sober, and straight I hope, and handling your business in a more effective way and stop blaming everyone else for your problems because this started with a cheating wife and what you did about it was horrible, and God only knows why your parents chose to help your wife and NOT you, but I suspect they made that choice for a very good reason, and whether you admit it or NOT, that's no excuse to not deal with what you have in a better manner than you have, without blame and excuses.

That's what people still suffering from their own actions would be doing, making excuses for the inability to make good decisions.