[Bela08]

Would be gratful for any advice on a 13year relasionship, which has left me on antideppesnts and my hair falling out, my problem is my partner has no compassion or empaithy, We do not disscuss anything about our relashionship and have not slept together for two years, the trouble is he pays all the bills and I cook all his meals etc etc, I think at 67years old he is worried that he will be on his own and I at 56years am worried I have no job or money.

[Homegirl 50]

Do you get any time to yourself?
If so start looking for a job. Do you have family you could stay with?
You must tell him you are unhappy in this situation. Take steps to standing on your own two feet or get an understanding with him. You are not in a relationship but an employer/employee situation. Set up rules and boundaries.

[DoulaLC]

Agree wholeheartedly with Homegirl...
Start by making sure that you do discuss the relationship and how you are feeling. Far too easy to fall into a rut, take each other for granted, and no one speaks up! If you don't change some things, nothing will change.

As Homegirl said, start looking for work... could be a department store, supermarket, etc.. Maybe consider going back to school. There are grants that you don't have to pay back for women returning school who have not worked in many years. Give a local community college a call if that is something you might want to pursue.

What do the two of you do for fun? What sort of activities did you do before? What are some things you might like to try? Do you have friends that you spend time with? Make reservations at a restaurant and take him out for dinner and a movie. Plan a weekend away to a hotel.

Are there health issues that may be a cause of not sleeping together for the last two years? When was the last time either of you had a complete physical, including blood work?

The point is, you have to take the first steps if he isn't.

[talaniman]

Don't pull your hair out. Find something to do like volunteering at church, or the hospital, while you look for a job, even a part time one to distract you from the drudgery, and insecurities at home. 56 (my age) is far from old, and no reason to feel useless, when you can explore making yourself happy, and find things you enjoy to keep yourself busy. Then you don't have to worry about discussing anything with the old coot.

Any schools nearby? They always need volunteers. Never know where that may lead.

[Devorameira]

Don't stay in a relationship that's destroying your health and well-being. It's just not worth it.

I would guess that he's been controlling and totally unsympathetic during the whole marriage. After 13 years, if things haven't changed, they just plain aren't going to.

Take your life and health into your own hands and make yourself happy. You don't want to still be his live-in housekeeper when he's 90 years olf.

Get out in the world and find a job and an apartment and move out. You have your whole life ahead of you, so don't put it off any longer!