[kaner]

For years I have had what doctors have called depression but have so far failed to give me any real answers or effective help (tried many anti depressents, counceling etc)... I'l write whatever comes into my head in no perticular order, here goes... I genuinely believe I am here for a reason of importance, I feel like I've got some sort of power inside me that I can't explain. I am well aware that this would sound mental to most people. I've had dreams that feel so real its scary! Dreams like moving things with my mind, being able to fly, and having some sort of incredible strength that's not physical... I had a dream once that I was aware of some bad things happening in a room that a wasn't in, bodies being ripped apart by some unseen force, I went into the room and was thrown back into a wall by this force and felt extreme fear, my chest felt like it was full of terror, then for some reason I got a sudden hush of courage and strength and ran at the force grabbing it and pushing it back... thats when I woke up, I was sat completely upright with my arms outstretched, my teeth clenched and every muscle in my body tensed up, I know it sounds silly but I'm pretty sure my eyes were already wide open as well. I read up on what this could be but what I found was that most of our dreams occure in the stage of sleep called r.e.m. but it also says that or brain produces a chemical which effectively paralyses us during this time so how was I so mobile? This is just one of many strange events that I have experienced both awake and asleep. All this time I have also had the usual symptoms of depression, can't get to sleep, keep waking in the night, losing my temper over the smallest things, feeling bored, feeling like there's got to be more to life etc... I believe evrything happens for a reason (its helped me get through some crap times), I believe that to think that what we see with our eyes is all there is to life is just plain ignorant. I've got questions that could never be answered by any living person, what are we? What's the point of it all? Why is this thing we call life so full of hate, hurt and sick evil people? What are the things I've experienced? What and who else is out there, if there even is an out there? What's really going on?

... I did ouija boards quite a bit when I was younger with some interesting outcomes but there was one time that really stood out, me and some friends were in my mates bedroom. We had got up a "ghost" named peter newman after a while talking to him I started thinking random letters which the glass then started sliding to, while everyone else was confused trying to work out what was being spelled out I had to be sure that this was actually happening, I put my fingers so lightly on the glass so it would not have been physically possible to move it myself yet the glass was still going to the letters that I was thinking of... we went down stairs a little confused and in disbelief but to top it off my friends dog was cowering in the corner of the room shaking like a leaf...

I'm not saying I believe in ghosts but what happened that day was real. It doesn't matter to me what people think of this because if I'm honest if I heard this from someone else id be interested but there would always be a bit of doubt in my head but the fact that it happened and I have no explanation makes my head spin!! Are we really capable of moving things with our mind? Or was there a connection with me and a friends mind and so they were moving it? What happened? It fascinates me that even with all our intelligence, science and technology we still have no clue what dreams are or what the human mind is really capable of...

Thanks for reading

[redhed35]

Im not quite sure what your question is or even for that matter if its in the right section.

Have you ever been evalulated by a physiatrist?

Physiatrists are most concerned with overall quality of life,they treat the whole patient, not just one part of the body.

Perhaps your looking in the wrong direction for the answers you need.