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charge1 · Aug 18, 2010, 09:43 PM

Hi, I have been with my husband for 15 years and married 11. We were 19 when we got married and have a 5 year old son... This last year he turned 30 and since then everything has been rough. His company he was working for closed their doors and then his grades dropped in college and he has been depressed since. We opened our own company and it has been slow but also picking up. I work fulltime and it has been hard financially. He just told me the other day that he doesn't know if he wants to be married anymore. He said he is in a rut and it all started when he turned 30... He just tells me that he doesn't know why... It drives me insane. I have been trying to lose weight because I have gained about 60 pounds since having my son, but he is saying that is not an issue... he is upset about where he is at in his life and he is tired of the struggle and not being where he thought he would be at 30. I love him so much and he says he loves me to. I get mad and tell him to just leave so I don't get hurt, but I already am. He is saying he feels like we got married to young and he has NEVER said that before. We both feel like he is pushing me away, but we don't know what to do. I won't do the time apart thing because I don't believe in letting him forget about his responsibilities while he figures himself out, because that is not fair to me or my son... I am just not sure what to say or do anymore...

Devorameira · Aug 19, 2010, 08:52 AM

He may be suffering from some depression. Would he be willing to undergo some counseling to get to the route of the problem?

charge1 · Aug 19, 2010, 09:03 AM

He says he would and I even called my work insurance because they will cover the first 8 sessions, so I got him a list of counselors, he just hasn't called them yet. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him.

Devorameira · Aug 19, 2010, 01:42 PM

Would he get upset if you made the appointment for him? Sometimes depressed people have to be pushed a little bit.

squish19 · Aug 19, 2010, 01:56 PM

I think counseling would be a great first step. Maybe the two of you can sit and talk with someone neutral the mediate. I'm sure he will realise that he's just going through a "mid-life crisis". If he loves you like he says he does then he will not want to lose you. I'd call and make an appointment for the both of you to start, if he decided later to go on his own to discuss his issues then even better! Sounds like you both love each other very much, I hope it works out in the end!

charge1 · Aug 19, 2010, 04:13 PM

I just get worried because if this is happening at 30, what am I going to do when he hits 40 or 50?? That is scary for me also.

talaniman · Aug 22, 2010, 02:26 PM

You are right, how you handle this situation together will define how you deal with more problems that life throws at you so make the appointment for you both. Because you both need it, NOT just him. You are as stressed as he is.

charge1 · Aug 23, 2010, 04:13 PM

Thank you very much for your opinion, I will schedule one for both of us. We talked last Friday and he did assure me that he is not leaving and he felt really bad for even saying what he said, but did tell me he doesn't know why he is in such a rut and he wishes he wasn't. We actually had a wonderful weekend!