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sara3 · Aug 16, 2010, 10:45 AM

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half.. and I want to have sex more often than he does and when we do have sex he makes it all about himself he doesn't do anything to try to please me or have any foreplay. I can't tell if he's worried he won't do things right or he's just completely selfish. And when I try to talk about it he says he's turned off by girls who want sex too much. Every time we have sex he just wants oral which I always do because I don't mind doing it and then he just wants to have sex from behind,. I know he loves me and I don't get it I have a nice body and am good looking, does anyone know why he would be like this?

adam_89 · Aug 16, 2010, 10:57 AM

How old are the two you?

talaniman · Aug 16, 2010, 11:18 AM

Yes, how old are you and do you live together?

sara3 · Aug 16, 2010, 11:20 AM

We are both 21 and no we don't live together

hidden123 · Aug 16, 2010, 11:38 AM

He might be intimidated by the fact that he doesn't totally satisfy you.. Guys - especially young - are touchy about that... I believe discussing things that you like and don't like is the key... Also - may be ask him about things that he might like outside of BJ so you both explore new things...

adam_89 · Aug 16, 2010, 11:50 AM

Definitely have a talk to him about how you feel. Communication is a great thing to have when it comes to sex.

talaniman · Aug 16, 2010, 12:25 PM

Show him how you want to get yours before he gets his. It's a learning process that leads to you knowing what the other one likes. Just as he has shown you what he likes, show him what you like.

I feel sorry for couples that can't talk about sex, because that's what it takes for you both to be able to have a good quality sex life.

Enigma1999 · Aug 16, 2010, 12:55 PM

Hello Sara,

Have you asked him why he doesn't like to have sex with you as much or why he doesn't preform oral on you? You mentioned that he is turned off by girls who wants sex all of the time.

Communication and trust is the key to a good relationship.

I would sit him down and have a heart to heart with him and really try to get to the root of what is making him feel this way.

Also, you need to communicate to him on how you really would like him to please you too.

I personally would have this calm talk with him first before any more sexual activity. That way you two can clear the air.

Good Luck.

sara3 · Aug 16, 2010, 01:36 PM

Thanks for the answers everyone good advice

Enigma1999 · Aug 16, 2010, 01:44 PM

No problem Sara! I wish you luck.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 16, 2010, 02:13 PM

He does that because you let him.
If he can tell you what he wants and you comply, you ought to be able to tell him what you want and he ought to be willing to comply.
My feeling is if you can't talk about sex to each other, you probably should not be having sex with each other.
I would not be with a person who only wanted to have sex with me from behind. That is so impersonal. We'd have to have a serious conversation and the sex would stop until then.

smoothy · Aug 17, 2010, 05:53 AM

He's a jerk... first off because he doesn't want to listen... assuming that is he knows you don't like doggy style. Personally, that's my least favorite position.

I assume you meant to say FROM behind, rather than IN the behind.

Honestly... I'd consider looking for a new boyfriend. Not all guys are so stuck on themselves that everything is "all about them".

Cat1864 · Aug 17, 2010, 06:57 AM

I am going to be blunt: Stop being his sex toy.

I think you need to have a serious discussion with him not only about sex, but about the relationship. I am concerned that he may not have the same feelings for you that you have for him.

He may 'love you', but I don't think he is 'in love with you'. His actions and desires speak more toward control and denial of who he is having sex with. Oral sex and doggie-style are not conducive to connecting with the person you are having sex with (you aren't his 'partner') especially if there isn't any other real form of contact/foreplay.

I don't see this as a 'he's young, he'll learn' senario. I see this as someone who is using someone else because she is letting him. I don't think he is involved beyond doing what is needed to keep her willing to give in to what he wants. I have a feeling that if she is more assertive about getting her needs met he will be out the door saying, "You know I don't get turned on by girls who want sex too much."

I hope I am wrong. Talk with him. Maybe he will try to do better. Maybe it will be a lasting change.

jmjoseph · Aug 17, 2010, 07:33 AM

Some people are sexual, sensual, creatures, who ENJOY sex. Exploring each others bodies for hours, ending in mutual bliss. You sound like one.

And some people are so selfish they can't even be bothered to even kiss their mate during sex, and couldn't care less about THEIR needs. He sounds like one.

Who would you like to spend your life with?

talaniman · Aug 17, 2010, 08:40 AM

Unless you are talking and listening to each other, as you teach each other, and learn from each other, what's the point? Its not about sex, but how you relate, and interact together.

"You know I don't get turned on by girls who want sex too much."
That's a crock of crap, when its just you and him, and not just other girls. So its okay when he is horny, and get what he wants to be satisfied, but NOT okay for you to expect the same? That's selfish and controlling, and completely unacceptable bad behavior, not to be tolerated. If he is unwilling to compromise, it will reflect into other areas of the relationship, if it hasn't already.

Speak up, or forever hold your peace!

jmjoseph · Aug 17, 2010, 10:03 AM

Not that it's the most important thing in a relationship, but just for clarification, if there were a "tally of orgasms" shared by you both, what would the numbers be like? Obviously not 50-50. Is it more like 5 to 100?

Another thing, you said that "you know that he loves me". What does he do to show that love? Are you respected, cherished, and wholeheartedly accepted for who you are?

If you're like me and sex is an important part of your life, then maybe you should find someone who would rather see YOU reach the "pleasure pinnacle", than to be selfish and uncaring about receiving more than they give.

He's overdrawn at the "love bank".

The world is full of unselfish men, go find one.

It's a matter of respect.

Enigma1999 · Aug 17, 2010, 10:30 AM

Sara,

I have to ask, but do you two ever kiss while having sex? JM brings up a good point about people who don't even kiss during that.

Also, has he been with ayone else before you?

You also mentioned that you two have been together a while now, so has he always been this way? Even the first few times of having sex?

I'm just trying to figure out why he would be tuned off by you wanting to enjoy his body as well as your own. Other then the fact the he might be selfish.