[mrsprissyj]

I've been married for 4 years to my husband but have been together on and off for 12. In one of our breakups(because I found out that he had 2 kids that I didn't know about) I met a guy that was a dream come true he,was everything I needed at the time. We talked for awhile,he met my mother and friends(everybody loved him) we had sex,which was quite lovely but the only thing I didn't like was that he never really opened up to me so I went back to my now husband. Years later my ex had got married and had a daughter. My ex and I always stayed in contact during the years so one day we got together and had sex. He told me that he and his wife were having problems and he wanted a divorce but I never believed that he would leave her for me and I didn't want him too,I just wanted the sex. So 5 years has gone by and my ex and I still talk. He is now going through a divorce with his wife,I'm married with 2 stepkids. He told me that he wanted to be 'friends w/benefits' . I went to my ex's house one night to have sex but I couldn't do it, I got really scared to actually cheat on my husband. My problem is that even before I started talking to my ex again,I'm unsure if I really want to be married anymore. I do think about my ex a lot and think about being with him but deep down I know that he doesn't want that( I think). I just really want some advice. Thanks

[JudyKayTee]

All I see popping up in this thread is sex - good sex, side sex, friends with benefits sex. I see nothing that indicates that your "ex" wants anything from you but... sex.

If you are unhappy in your marriage and that is totally unrelated to the "ex," then either see a professional or simply go to an Attorney and end the marriage. Then decide what to do about the "ex."

In these situations - including going to the house to have sex but backing out - I always wonder how you would feel if your husband did this to you? Apparently he did and you forgave him once so maybe that's not an issue.

I have too much respect for myself to get dragged into a situation like this but all of that aside - if you are unhappy in your marriage, either change it or leave it and then put your relationship with the "ex" in the proper prospective. I will also cut contact with him - it seems the contact is simply confusing you, you may end up cheating, he'll find someone else to be his friend with benefits.

Is this some sort of revenge on your husband for his past behavior?

[Kitkat22]

A whole lot of sex. You do realize there are more things in a relationship than sex?

[mrsprissyj]

I do realize that there is more to a realationship than sex and no its not revenge. I should go and seek help,thanks.

[Kitkat22]

Good for you. I wish you well!

[JudyKayTee]

Do you know in your heart if you want in or out of your marriage? I was divorced. I realized one day that I just didn't care one way or the other. Shocking moment but it was a moment of pure clarity.

No other man, by the way.

[mrsprissyj]

I think I still want to be in my marriage but I'm just a little unhappy and maybe looking for an escape.

[Kitkat22]

i think i still want to be in my marriage but im just a little unhappy and maybe looking for an escape.

Were you unhappy before?

[mrsprissyj]

Yea

[Kitkat22]

Well , I would give my marriage a good try. Bring back the romance and see if there is anything left to save.

There may not be anything left of the marriage, but if you decide to leave don't jump right into another relationship.

Spend some time getting to know who you are and what you really want. Good Luck

[QLP]

i think i still want to be in my marriage but im just a little unhappy and maybe looking for an escape.

Then I would strongly suggest you stop contacting the 'ex'. How can you work on fixing your marriage while you are seeing someone else and thinking about sex or anything else with that other person? As this other man only seems to want friends with benefits you aren't throwing away a great deal there.

Kick the extra man into touch, start talking to your husband, and consider some counselling to sort out the problems in your marriage. Whilst you have ths man on the side-lines I don't see you putting the commitment into getting things sorted.

[jmjoseph]

Good for you on NOT cheating on your husband. I agree with the advice on pushing the sex- seeking ex out of the picture. He doesn't want YOU, he just wants that BOOTY, right?

You are a married woman, act like it. I would be angry, disappointed, and hurt with my wife if I found out that she was still in contact with an ex. That's cheating in itself. You did go there to have sex with him. It'll happen if you keep it up.

I wonder what happened with HIS marriage? Did he cheat? I'd bet on it.

Go to couples counseling. Spice up your love life. But first, talk to your husband. Let him know how you feel.

Good luck.

[mrsprissyj]

Thank you everyone for the advice. I feel a lot better about my situation.thanks again.

[jmjoseph]

thank you everyone for the advice. i feel alot better about my situation.thanks again.

Just do the right thing.

Good luck to you.

[Homegirl 50]

I suggest you decide whether you want your marriage to work. If you do, talk to him, do do some couple counseling, but stay away from the ex. That is a giant heartbreak and disaster waiting to happen.

Work on your marriage or get out of it.

[Kitkat22]

No Sex with ex. Try to get your marriage back together and you may be surprised at how much happiness you will find.

All the ex wants is sex with no commitment.

[mrsprissyj]

Well I have an update. I haven't talked to that loser in awhile since I broke it off. I am quite happy in my marriage and not sure why I even wanted to do that to my husband. Thank you all for your advice. Xoxo

[Homegirl 50]

Good for you. Are you and your husband communicating? Working on the marriage?

[mrsprissyj]

The communication is great! Were talking more about what we want together in our marriage and not being so selfish to each other. It has made me realize how happy I really am.