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Sienna123 · Jul 27, 2010, 03:01 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

That could be true. He's not getting any dates and is fishing to see if you're still available

Totally. He is lonely. "Oh well" I'm not just the filler-in for lonely times, licking his wounds, then going back out again. I've got more respect for myself. :)

Homegirl 50 · Jul 27, 2010, 04:01 PM

Good for you!

Sienna123 · Aug 2, 2010, 09:47 PM

Now I have his sister emailing me to find out if I am OK and that she hasn't seen me around (I'm not active on Facebook anymore) and neither did I return her email from 2 weeks ago. She added "Listen...my brother stopped by yesterday and we talked a little bit about you. Write me back and I will tell you about it." Ummm, my feelings (and I may be wrong) is that now she is on a fishing expedition for him or playing both sides of the coin. If she wanted to tell me something, why didn't she just email me with it in the first place. Why do I have to email her to ask what it is?? Now I have never met the sister as we live long distance. I am of the mindset to not even respond to her. If anyone wants to know anything, they can pick up the phone and call me. After all, they knew how to use the phone pre-breakup! Anyone thinking like I am?

Homegirl 50 · Aug 2, 2010, 09:49 PM

I'm think you are right, and if you're not, it's your life, and you can do as you please.

talaniman · Aug 3, 2010, 07:54 AM

I feel the No Contact should extend to his family too, and I would politely tell her "NO, Thanks!" in an email, just to end her interfering on his behalf!

You open up a can of worms by even talking on the phone with any of them, if your focused on your own healing.

Shadowburn · Aug 3, 2010, 08:05 AM

Originally Posted by Sienna123

Now I have his sister emailing me to find out if I am ok and that she hasn't seen me around (I'm not active on Facebook anymore) and neither did I return her email from 2 weeks ago. She added "Listen...my brother stopped by yesterday and we talked a little bit about you. Write me back and I will tell you about it." Ummm, my feelings (and I may be wrong) is that now she is on a fishing expedition for him or playing both sides of the coin. If she wanted to tell me something, why didn't she just email me with it in the first place. Why do I have to email her to ask what it is??? Now I have never met the sister as we live long distance. I am of the mindset to not even respond to her. If anyone wants to know anything, they can pick up the phone and call me. After all, they knew how to use the phone pre-breakup! Anyone thinking like I am?

You should just ignore her, because this coward of your ex is now too afraid he lost you for good and is trying to fish and see if you're still interested.
Leave them both be, with their childish manipulations and head games. Geez, and this is grown man, not some kid.

Sienna123 · Aug 3, 2010, 11:39 AM

Yes, he is a grown man but who knew. I'm not acknowledging anything at this point. I may forgive him at a future time when I am healed because forgiving is actually for my benefit, not his.

Sienna123 · Aug 12, 2010, 03:32 PM

The one sided contact continues. His sister has been desperately trying to reach me for the past 2 weeks. Received 3 phone messages yesterday to return her call and one today. Finally today she left a more detailed message followed by a request to call her back. She said she is having a small dinner for my ex's 50th birthday this Saturday and if it isn't too expense, for me to fly in. (We live apart). She said that she mentioned to my ex that she will invite me and I can sleep on her couch. His reply was that he could pick me up at the airport and stay at his place as he didn't want me on the couch.

Well at any other time this would be nice BUT, we are broken up, he never had the decency to talk it out with me at the end, I keep seeing traces of him around like he wants me to notice him at places online and now this. Oh and he re-sent an invite for me to add him as a connection which I've ignored.

I haven't returned any calls to his sister nor do I feel I want to. While I don't want to hurt her, she's part of the ex-package. It's too so for me to just be friends with her.

So I am not sure if I should return her call, keep it brief without talk of my ex and just let her know that I need time to heal and will be back in touch with her later.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 12, 2010, 04:15 PM

You could just say "thanks for the invite but I just don't think it is a good thing for me to do"
That will be the end of it. If she wants to talk about you two just say you'd rather not.

talaniman · Aug 12, 2010, 04:42 PM

"Thank you but I must decline at this time" send it email. Short, sweet, and polite! No room for conversation, or debate. Pretty much some of his own medicine.

Shadowburn · Aug 12, 2010, 05:50 PM

That's a really awkward one. If you respond, no matter what your response would be, it will trigger more of the contact. Are you sure you can't just ignore it? This way she'll "get" it much sooner. I don't even understand why she even tries to invite you - to fly over to sleep on her couch? His birthdays are no longer your concern as you two are not together.

Sienna123 · Aug 13, 2010, 02:51 PM

Since her last message was of desperation and she stated that the 4 messages she left must have cost her $50, I called and got HER voicemail and simply said that I was returning her call and said thanks but no thanks.

Tomorrow is his birthday and I had been contemplating for some time now about what I should do. It's not like me to HATE or hold grudges. The more I thought of how HE ignored me and I was the last to know about our breakup, and the "tone" in which he replied to me on email about us, that has surely cemented my decision. I know he is fully expecting me to send him wishes, this will stroke his ego and he will continue on his merry way on all his dating sites but that behavior does unrewarded.

Special events in his life are indeed not my concern and that was by his choice. I still think I may hear from his sister from time to time but once I get her on the phone, I'll find the right words to tell her that I'm either not ready to continue on a friendship with her. That is HIS sister after all and we have never met.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 13, 2010, 03:27 PM

Well he is probably putting her up to this in which case you don't need to talk to her.
You done good girl!

Sienna123 · Aug 14, 2010, 10:46 PM

Today I got a call from the ex. It's his birthday after all and I guess he realized he hadn't heard from me and wanted some attention. I spoke with him briefly but told him I was on my way out and ended the call. I am sure he will be calling me and contacting me more. I have a lot to say and he won't be let off easy and I will certainly be keeping myself busy and not readily available.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 15, 2010, 07:13 AM

You handled that well.
He knows you're not sitting around waiting for and missing him

Sienna123 · Aug 17, 2010, 12:36 AM

Oh and how much attention I am getting when HE is the one doing the chasing. I have lots of questions that I will put out there so he is going to have to work hard to find his way back in and that is if I think he deserves coming back.

Shadowburn · Aug 17, 2010, 07:54 AM

Originally Posted by Sienna123

Oh and how much attention I am getting when HE is the one doing the chasing. I have lots of questions that I will put out there so he is going to have to work hard to find his way back in and that is if I think he deserves coming back.

I remember I promised you'll hear from him again:)

Sienna, from my personal experience and for what it's worth - I'm sure it feels good to see him humbled and groveling to you, but you really should move on from it, because he'll do it again. He will pull you back in, and once he'll have you where he wants you, he'll start his old games again. You'll see for yourself.

Good luck in whatever you decide, but I really don't think he's worthy of another chance. Just my opinion.

talaniman · Aug 17, 2010, 08:28 AM

You are playing a dangerous game with him, as Kat has pointed out you will waste a lot of healing time being distracted by his words, and promises, until he gets what he wants, and has you back where you were before, and he goes back to his favorite game, and thus the cycle continues. Meanwhile, your healing is put on hold.

I think you make better progress for yourself after you have a better perspective through the healing process. All you have now is is attention, and false hope that this time he will be different. That's a very long shot.

Sienna123 · Aug 17, 2010, 12:31 PM

Oh I certainly agree. We had a long talk and there are things that have undoubtedly changed for me. Yes, the attention is nice now and his groveling but while he was gone, he did a loan assumption with another lady "because she was in dire straits". I knew he was thinking of doing this back in March. I talked him out of it and he's now done it. This alone sealed his fate as far as I am concerned. How can I ever be with a man who is responsible for another woman's mortgage for however many years! This jeopardizes our future to built something, get credit, etc. While I personally won't be responsible for her loan, it's the combined picture loan companies will look at if we apply for credit. He said his actions put him second in his own life. Yes, it did and it put me third. Right now I am putting together the words to tell him that I believe our dreams won't be realized due to his track record with me and now this loan assumption. I just see too many obstacles and issues.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 17, 2010, 12:37 PM

Originally Posted by Sienna123

Right now I am putting together the words to tell him that I believe our dreams won't be realized due to his track record with me and now this loan assumption. I just see too many obstacles and issues.

I thought that was already a given and by not communicating with him he knew that.
I'm not understanding why there is a need for further communication unless it's to rub his nose in it, in which case is a bit much.
Leave it all alone.
But it's your life