[hpshark]

HELP! I really, really need help. Here's the story... mi ex girlfriend broke up with me about 3 months ago. We were together for almost 4 years. When I met her I was coming out from a pretty bad divorce, so I started dating her right away just to run from the pain. The relationship was messy from the beginning, I lied to her... I told her I was single, just to tell her a month later that the truth was that I was legally separated and waiting for the divorce to come out. After that we were fighting most of the time for different reasons... in my mind I saw her like a whore, I really don't know why... because she hadn't done me anything bad. After 2 years of fighting she dumped me. At barely one month of dumping me she was already dating another guy, which devastated me, so I unleashed my frustration on a sexual rampage. During that time I dated 3 girls just to get over her, but I couldn't. After 3 or 4 months apart, she reapeared in my life... she told she wasn't sure if we should get back together... she told me she had a new relationship and she respected that... she asked me for some time, and I was so stupid that submitted myself to the humuliation of letting her choose between me and the other guy. In the end, we got back together, but things got bad really soon. The thing is that she found out that while we were broken up, I dated a chic that worked with me who she hated because she though I was cheating on her with that chic... I WASN'T... I don't have to lie to you. I dated that chic because I was lonelly, heartbroken and because the girl was easy. I didn't even like her... I just needed to distract my thoughs from my ex. Well the thing is that when she found out she felt betrayed, because according to her, she told me never to date that girl. At the moment I was dumped, she was happy having sex and fun with some other guy, so obviosly I was in my absolute right to go out with whoever I decided to.

She never got over it, so on most of our fights she would bring that up. I obviosly got pretty tired of her *****ing over the same thing over and over, so we broke up and came back together over and over. We spent almost a year in this situation, until things got pretty bitter. I was really sick of her complaints and *****ing so I started to mistreat her. On our last fight she dumped me, which she had done for the last month over and over, but this last time I said "ok, you want this to be over, so be it".

This happened 3 months ago. Afterwards, she has called me about some work stuff (she is a vendor for a company I own) and I told her to speak to one of my partners because speaking to her was painful for me because I still loved her. Then she wrote me just to tell me again why she dumped me, and why we couldn't be together, and that she couldn't forgive me, that she was going out a lot and she felt much better alone. Since I really loved her, I talked to her about getting back, but she didn't want to. After that, she ran with a friend of mine on a club and told her about all our problems and why she dumped me. Then she called me on my birthday and treated me like a friend, I didn't like that so I told her so.. I said "please dont treat me like a friend, because you know that i love you.... and i dont want your friendship, i want us ti get back together". She answered that she didn't saw me as a friend either. After that, I friend of mine told me he saw her in a club, in which she was with a guy who liked her... I went nutts and wrote her that I knew about her new "boy" and basically told her to drop dead. Obviously she got really angry, and told me to never to call her again, that I was an *******, that I always believed anyone but her, etc. The very next day I called her to apoligize and she behaved really hostile... she told me not to call her again, that she did not have to give me any explanations anymore, that I could think as I pleased, that she didn't care, etc. Afterwards, I deleted her from my blackberry. 3 or 4 days later, she added me to the her blackberry... we chatted for a while... she asked me if I was dating someone, because according to her someone who knows me told her I was dating someone in my office... I told her that was not true... cause I am dating no one. Once again I told her that I loved her, that I couldn't date anyone until I was over her, that the thing is that I didn't want to get over her, I wanted her back. We kept on chatting for a while until she told me that our relationship was too passionate and impulsive and that she needed something stable and mature... that we should let time do its work, and that whatever the future brought was best for both... that she wasn't ready to get back together... that maybe she needed to live a bit more... which in my mind means that she wants to have sex with other guys before making up her mind. In my mind I put the pieces together, all the things she wrote or said, and I can't help thinking that she is alredy dating someone, and just does not want to tell me, maybe because she wants revenge.

Since she broke with me she wrote me on a weekly basis... but since her last message she hasn't. Im going crazy, because I can't help thinking she hasn't done so because she has found someone new. I am tired if being obssesed thinking of her dating someone else... and since our sex life was really good, I can't help going nutts thinking of her having sex with some other jerk. To make things even more complicated, last Sunday I went out with some friends, and in the group there was a friend of her's which I had never met before. She asked me if I was the "ex" and I said "Yes". Well we started to talk... I told her that my ex was "THE ONE"... you know?. the girl I wanted to marry. So she told me, "if it is so, why are you letting her slip away?!?... there is still chance with her"... "if you were the one who screwed up, you have to have to stand it"... "now, if you want to get over her set her free"... ***? Set her free? She was the one who dumped me!! Then she asked me to go to a standup comedy last Monday. She told me they (my ex, her and some friends) were going. I decided not to go because I have told her plenty of times that I wanted her back... so, she already knows my feelings and knows where to find me. But then again, why did her friend told me there was still "chance with her"... does she still love me? Is she having second thoughs? Or is it just that she wants to feel stronger by knowing that I am still there? I am a bit disturbed because I really don't know if I made the right choice... I am not sure if I am doing the best thing. Currently I am working really hard in not contacting her, but in the other hand I don't want to be in the future thinking "what if i had called her one last time and told her i wanted to get back togethter"... "what if that "last chance" would lead to getting back together if only I called her or saw her again"... I am relly going crazy over this... I can't focus on work... I don't enjoy anything... I think about her with someone else, even though I am not certain of it.

I have read in some web pages that in order to move on, one should get closure. I don't know if I should call her and ask her if she is dating someone... I really don't know, beacause the last time we chatted she told me she wasn't.

I am 35, she will be 29 this year... I am scared that she meets someone with which she may marry in the future... I don't want to lose her, but in the other hand I don't want to get rejected over and over. I don't know what to do... get over her or fight for her... I don't know whether I should pay attention to what her friend told me, or just let it pass and continue with my life. Please help me... your advise will be deeply appreciated... I really need some guiadance at this moment... it has been 3 months since we broke up, and I am still feeling this way... I want to get over this.

Thanks.

[fireguy40]

Walk away man, far too much drama!
I know its hard and a killer but give her space stay away.
You have said all that needs to be said, she knows you want her back. At the moment she doesn't want to know so become the grey man and stay away and take some time to reflect on what's going on.
If you push anymore I reckon you'll annoy her and distroy any chance you may have

[pandead]

Run! You should have done that after the first breakup... Why are you still sitting there, waiting for her to come back - and probably dump you again? Why does it matter if she's dating anyone? She IS your ex and it's none of your business. Stop asking for trouble. It's insane.

It will never end. She won't change her character and you will have to handle everything. If she really "loved" you she wouldn't do any of this in the first place.

I really don't understand why you are afraid she will find someone to marry... I feel sorry for that guy.

[talaniman]

Leave her alone, and get your own act together, as you are NOT in love, but a slave to your own lust.
This is so misplaced, as you think that bedding a female is a good way to distract yourself from the reality your in. So far, it has made things much worse, and gotten you hooked into a female who is as unhealthy as you are.

To have a healthy, adult relationship, you first must be healthy, and happy with yourself, and your life.

For all the money and means you seem to have, you are not happy with yourself, or life, and you better get right with who you are, and deal with the issues that make you unhappy, and a lousy partner.

Solve your personal problems friend, so you can make better choices, and decisions for yourself, or keep drowning in the sh1t of your own making.

Do you need additional help? Hell yes, you do! Don't fight for her, fight for yourself, and leave her, and all the females alone, until your head is in a much better place.

[chy_chy_2008]

I would get over her

[Monica4]

You gave her a chance that she rejected. Would you really waste your time on someone who doesn't care? She's trying to make you weak. Stay away from her, she wants to keep bothering you. Let her know that you're over it and I guarantee you'll get under her skin. And next time, in the future, be as bonest as can be. Hope this helped. Good luck

[Jake2008]

I could barely read your post without want to smack you a good one with a pool noodle.

You are 35, but you sound like a spoiled, self centered, six-foot, puffed up and bullet proof high school quarterback with an entourage of drooling cheerleaders, anxiously awaiting with bated breath, a look... a glance... a chance to be with you.

Pardon my sarcasm, but, what is it about you, that you can treat a woman so poorly, leave a gaggle of other women in your wake when you don't get what you want, and then have the nerve to feel slighted when your ex has a boyfriend.

The relationship was over- actually over and over and over and over. But, you are not yet in the end zone, realizing the game has moved to another venue, with different players, in different leagues.

Dealing with relationship issues requires dedication, goals, mutual expectations, and respect. I don't see that either of you tried to solve differences in a mature manner. Instead you both kept at eachothers throats, demands and counter demands, sneaky play after sneaky play, yet nobody scored a touchdown or a win as far as mending the relationship went.

Consider that in the next game... er relationship, you have, that you recognize from past errors, places you do not wish to re-visit, especially when you are fairly certain of the results. Example, 'treating her poorly' will not a loving couple make.

If you can focus on yourself, figure out where you went wrong, why, to some extent, and what you want in a future relationship, you will free yourself from thinking that a)all relationships are a ballgame and b) all women are not the same, and c) you can get what you want and need by recognizing and working on a relationship in a mature way.

Part of a beginning for you, in my opinion, is to call it a draw, go hit the shower, and start looking for quality relationships.

[Homegirl 50]

Leave her alone, and get your own act together, as you are NOT in love, but a slave to your own lust.
This is so misplaced, as you think that bedding a female is a good way to distract yourself from the reality your in. So far, it has made things much worse, and gotten you hooked into a female who is as unhealthy as you are.

To have a healthy, adult relationship, you first must be healthy, and happy with yourself, and your life.

For all the money and means you seem to have, you are not happy with yourself, or life, and you better get right with who you are, and deal with the issues that make you unhappy, and a lousy partner.

Solve your personal problems friend, so you can make better choices, and decisions for yourself, or keep drowning in the sh1t of your own making.

Do you need additional help? Hell yes, you do! Don't fight for her, fight for yourself, and leave her, and all the females alone, until your head is in a much better place.

Spot on! talaniman
Jake 2008, Spot on as well.

You don't need to be with any woman at this point. You have too many issues and very little respect for them anyway.
This relationship was doomed from the beginning because of the lie you told her, because she was a rebound and you felt she was a whore (what was that about?) This is way to dysfunctional to survive another go round.
Work on yourself and leave her and other woman alone for awhile.

[Isafjordur]

If it hurts you enough, then the best thing to do is too forget about her. Remember, there are plenty of other fish in the sea.

[Homegirl 50]

He needs to stay out of the sea for a while, walk on land for awhile, get himself straight.
He hopes from one fish to the next, that's his biggest problem