[courtney515]

I am 19 and recently had a miscarriage at 7 weeks. My boyfriend and I were planning our wedding until I had my miscarriage. Our parents, now don't want us to get married so we are with to wait until April (when he gets back from basic training). I know we are young, but after the miscarriage I would like to try again. I really want to be married first. His parents would be very disappointed if I got pregnant again right now. We have had unprotected sex twice since the miscarriage and it has been a month. I'm not really asking a specific question. I just need some advice on what to do in this situation.

[Alty]

I think you have to ask yourself why you want to try again? Is it to hold on to him, or is it because of the loss you experienced, hoping that a new pregnancy may ease the pain?

I've also been through a miscarriage, and the urge to try again right away was great, but once I was honest with myself, I realized that I was trying to replace what I had lost, even though that pregnancy wasn't planned, and it was not an ideal time to have a child (I already had 2, and a 3rd wasn't something we wanted).

I decided to wait for a while, grieve the baby I lost and than decide when I wasn't so emotional about it all.

It turned out to be the right thing to do. My husband and I decided that we were very happy with just the 2 kids, and a 3rd wasn't something we could handle. Had I gone with my grief, I would have done something that I didn't really want at that time in my life.

You're really young, you have a lot of years ahead of you to be married, and to have kids. Why not wait? If you two love each other now, you'll love each other just as much 3 or 4 years from now.

I'm sorry for your loss. Think it over before you make any big decisions. A baby is forever.

Good luck.

[DoulaLC]

Great advice... had to spread the rep... :)

Courtney... I agree with Alty... take some time. Focus on your own personal goals... are you in school, working?

You'll be better off when you do marry to have some money put away and some time for just the two of you together before a baby arrives.

Marry when the timing is right, not because you find yourself pregnant. A new marriage takes adjustments, and your's will even more so since he is away a good deal of the time. A baby, while a wonderful thing, would add to those adjustments and will cause added stress.

[lickemlolly]

Agreed with doula.. you are so young and I know the urge is pretty high right now to try again... but put some money away and use this time to spend with your hubby just you and him because trust me everything changes when you have baby in your life.. try to get some college work out of the way because time will be short after you have a little one.. you have the rest of your life together... plenty of time for baby... you will thank yourself later when you realize that you have accomplished a lot and you are truly ready for a baby.. and I'm sorry for your loss.. I have miscarried twice and I know what it feels like

[courtney515]

Thanks for your advice! It does make sense to wait on everything. Everyone kept telling us " dont get married just for the baby ", so we planned on doing it for us. Im starting school next week to be a cosmetologist. It should take a little over a year. I think maybe after I get my license, we could try to get married. He will also be getting money for being in the air force by then. I'm also a make up sales representative. I live with my grandmother because both my parents passed away. I don't exactly have someone to talk to about things. Your advice is very helpful. Do you think I have a good chance of being pregnant again after the 2 times we've had unprotected sex? It took over a year to get pregnant so I thought before that I wasn't ovulating until I got a positive. I also think the reason I want the baby is to replace what I was going to have. Its just disappointing to not get married when I had already set a date and got our marriage license. I feel terrible for having sex outside of marriage. I am willing to wait on the baby, but I would love to be married soon. We've been together for 2 and a half years and I hate knowing I almost had a baby when I'm not married. We talked about marriage a lot before I found out I was pregnant.

[Alty]

You two seem to have everything well planned, so there's plenty of time to get married, get some money put aside, maybe enough to buy a house, or a condo, start your lives out ahead, instead of behind.

I met my husband when we were both 19, most people didn't think it would last, because we were so young, but it's been 20 years (OMG! It's been 20 years!:eek:) now, and we're happier than we've ever been. A house, 2 great kids, a small zoo.

We got married at 24, and it wasn't easy. We both had careers, money put aside for a down payment on a house, but it was a struggle. Still, we made it, and three years later we had our son. It was perfect timing.

You are making a wise choice by waiting. It will happen for you, a little bit of time won't change anything. Finish school, start working, than plan a nice wedding, not something you have to rush, and not because there's a baby on the way, but just because you two love each other and want to be together.

In a few years you'll look back and be thankful that you waited a while. Mark my words. :)

Keep us posted on how things go. So many times people come here, post, and than they leave. I know I'm not the only one that wonders what happened to them after they got advice. We give a little of ourselves to everyone we give advice to, and we worry, wonder, and it's always nice to know that somehow our advice helped, and to know what happens after. :)

[courtney515]

I'll keep everyone posted. Thanks everyone for the good advice :)