[RussianKiss]

So I've been with my current boyfriend for two years. He's much older than me, about thirteen years or so. He's the first man I've ever lived with and I love him deeply. Its something different but much like an obsession because when I love, I love so hard and its so intense and I'm just CONSUMED with it. I mean, from the first day we met we spent the first year, every ****ing day together. I don't like to be away from him, I constantly crave and need attention, all the time. I work and go to school full time, still keep our house spotless and cook dinner every night on top of taking care of his two year old son that lives with us. I demand a lot in a relationship but I think I give so much at the same time but, I cheat on him.. alot.


I just turned twenty and I live in southern Texas. I go to school full time and also work full time @ Hooters. I consider myself to be very attractive and I think I have a pretty good personality, I'm very friendly and open with people I meet. I get approached and asked on dates and flirted with constantly at work and at school.

At first I was fine with turning down advances because I do very much love him and I trusted him and wanted to be a good girl. I've always been the type of female to be in relationships and not jumping from one to the next, I prefer it this way. We were together everyday and I never doubted him, but then I found out that he had cheated on me with his son's mother. And that's when everything changed.


I moved out and moved in to my own apartment and she moved in to his house where I had been living. We still kept in contact throughout the three months and then we decided to get back together, I had missed him terribly but I knew the resentment I felt at the same time had irreperably changed how I felt for him, it was like he ****ing took everything from me that I trusted. So while we were broken up I had begun talking to this man I met at the bank he was a manager at, he sinmply adored me and fell in love with me and he was doing and saying and showing me everything I wanted but I still left to be back with my ex.


Ever since we've moved back in together, I'm suspicious and I have these gut feelings that he's cheating on me. If he's a little late coming home from work, I think he's ****ing one of the girls at his job and I'm so insecure I go through his emails and find out he's talkiing to girls from his job but I can't prove he's having sex with them. In my head, he's cheating on me so I justify the fact I'm cheating on him. I've slept with the guy I was talking to while we were separated and a met another guy @ my job that I have slept with. Not just slept with, had an emotional relationship with as well. They want me to come live and be with them and I consider it, because although he's never caught me and doesn't know I'vecheated on him... he constantly puts me down and verbally abuses me. It's horrible the things he says and how he makes me feel, then apologizes and expects everything to be fine. He doesn't sexually please me, we don't have sex enough to pacify me. I don't know if this is the age difference but I love him, I swear to god I do.

I don't know how to stop cheating, I know its wrong and I know trying to justify my cheating with his and his behaviors is not right but... I feel like I need the attention and physical touch all the time and if he would just try harder to give it to me I wouldn't cheat.

[positiveparent]

I think you have some deep rooted insecurities, and also a overwhelming desire for attention.

Cheating by either partner, is wrong, it destroys trust and once thats gone then basically youre just going through the motions, your relationship has become toxic, and unless you and he sit yourselves down and discuss whats happening with the relationship truthfully, and openly, then you might as well kiss the relationship goodbye.

Youre having extra relationship sex, or whatever you want to call it, youre also cheating on all other men in your life, your ex went back to his ex, then came back to you, and regardless of the age differences I would say youre both acting immature and thoughtlessly, have you considered either one of you could infect the other with an STD? or worse AIDS, you cannot conduct your lives in this way indefinatly. You could also be infecting all others you have sex with.

So what do you do, you talk to each other tell each other the truth, stop playing tit for tat games. Stop sleeping around, and you just might, with help save something resembling a relationship. Until you do though youre both just wasting each others time. It might just be best you both say enough is enough and end this now, because its going no where, hes not giving you what you want and youre not giving him what he wants.

You both need counselling, you for your attention and insecurity and him to get over his ex wife. Youre both toxic and youll never find happiness in this relationship unless you introduce honesty into the mix.

You also appear to have no respect for yourself or your b/f, or others you have sex with, this is obvious in how you can sleep with others so easily.

I dont hold out much hope for either of you.. Two wrongs never make a right and there is never any justification for sleeping around in or out of a relationship...

Good Luck I think you'll need more than luck though...

[martinizing2]

Excellent advice and insight into the problem. Great post

[talaniman]

He ain't the one for you, and YOU aren't the one for him. You bring out the worst in each other, with the lying, cheating deceit game.

[Kitkat22]

WOW.. You two DO NOT need to be together. Jealousy, cheating, snooping do not make for a good relationship.

You all are like oil and water. You just don't mix.

[lickemlolly]

This relationship... this THING that you are doing is toxic... separate... move on... for your own sake.. a good relationship is built on a solid foundation of trust and communication.. you have none of this... therefore you need to move on

[positiveparent]

Cheating in order to get back at someone only serves to demean yourself and will also or could then become a habit you find extremely hard to break, it puts you into the ranks of unworthy partner, not for long term use. or relationships.

Sorry if this doesnt sit well, but did you expect to be considered snow white!!?

[vanheart]

"i give so much at the same time but, i cheat on him..alot."

C'mon. Get a grip.

Sounds like you are into whatever guy floats your boat at the time.

Hes no angel either.

I say you both should stay single until you figure out what a relationship means.

Separately.

[Kitkat22]

I think you need to knock the "poor little me " act off.

I really think you should stay together, That would be enough punishment.

[vanheart]

Hypocrite is right.

[talaniman]

I think you need to knock the "poor little me " act off.

I really think you should stay together, That would be enough punishment.

Right, why mess up two more people's lives.

[Shadowburn]

I'd kill for your time management skills. You work, you go to school full time, you keep the house spotless and cook dinner every night and take care of his 2 yo son, and still have time to cheat. What can I say except for "wow". No advice here, sorry, just a sympathetic ear.

[vanheart]

Ha! That's already happening as we speak.

Sad. Buyer beware.

[Kitkat22]

I agree with you both!