[tjamison67]

My daughters rabbit, still young, died this afternoon. My daughter is out of state visiting relatives, she's 11, and I don't know how soon and how to tell her.

[Emily94]

When I was 11 my cat passed away, I was away as well. Don't tell her while she is away she won't be able to
Enjoy herself or have her mom/dad to
Comfort her. When she gets home sit her down and tell her "the Angels came and took your bunny with them, he/she is in a wonderful place where he/she can eat all the vegetables they want and has many many bunny friends" I know it sounds weird but when my
Mom told me this it made me happy that the angels wanted
My cat, not anyone else's, they chose mine. It depends of this is the route you want to go but personally I found it not harsh. Be prepared she is going to cry and she needs you!

[tjamison67]

Thank you for your answer. I don't know whether to tellher now or when she gets back .I hear both ways and I agree w/ both ways.

[Wondergirl]

If I were 11, I'd wonder why you waited and kept it from me.

When does she come home again?

[tjamison67]

I feel that way too, and don't want her to feel that way in addition to feeling sad. She returns in two weeks. I... just don't know...

[Just_Another_Lemming]

Since Emily has actually gone through it at the same age, I would be inclined to listen to that.

What about telling her a couple of days before she comes home so at least she can have a good time for most of her vacation? I normally don't condone lying but would it be a terrible thing to change the date of death by a few days?

[Wondergirl]

But you don't want her to decide her being away had anything to do with the bunny's death -- like, "he missed you so much that he died." Be careful how you tell her and what you say. Little kids read between the lines (my adult son tells me all kinds of stuff he remembers being told).

Are you going to bury the bunny and have a marker for the grave? You might want to consider having a memorial service for the bunny when your daughter gets home. Then plant a little bush or some perennials or do something permanent in the bunny's memory. It will give her closure.

[Emily94]

If you feel you should tell her now, tell her, go with YOUR gut. Or as just another lemming said, change the date a little bit.. Give her a little while to have fun before telling her.

[tjamison67]

Thank you all so much! I think I'm leaning towards telling her a few days b/4 she comes home. I won't go w/ the angels thing since she won't buy that anyway. I did bury Alice yesterday, so hard, so hard, next to our older cat. I think we have a pet cemetery going on there. I also agree w/ the memorial. That would be good for both of us.

[Just_Another_Lemming]

Tj, I know this isn't easy. I commend you on attempting to find the best way you can break this news without upsetting your daughter more than necessary. I understand fully about "the angels" explanation. If your daughter won't buy that, unless someone here can come up with a better idea, the truth is usually the best way to go. If you don't know why the rabbit died, tell her that. Explain that this is part of life. We don't always know why some people & animals live longer than others. It just appears that it was her rabbit's time. I don't know if you want to get into too much detail unless you feel she can handle it.
I wish you the best of luck. This is one of those life lessons that is never easy and I really do feel for you.

[Emily94]

Try saying "Alice passed away last night (Or whenever), we burried her in the backyard, when you get back we can plant a flower on her grave", try and keep it short and simple if your going to be blunt, and tell the relatives she is with so they know what's going on. I don't know if you want to but.. after a few days maybe going to pick up a new bunny will help (I don't know how you feel about this, if you want another one etc) but it will give her something to love again.

[redhed35]

For me,I think children are very accepting of death,much more so then adults,they tend to bounce back quicker.

She will be sad,and she will cry all,she will ask questions, perfectly normal.

Be as honest as you can,you know her better then anyone.

As she was not there to bury the rabbit a memorial 'service' when she gets back is a great idea as another poster mentioned.

Letting a ballon fly off is also a nice touch.

Plan something for her to do soon after the event,a nice activity,lunch in town,something she enjoys.

Don't dwell on it,follow her lead.

A picture in a frame might be nice too have also.

A pet dying, although sad is a good life lesson for a child in understanding loss,life and death.