[Mrcrossroads]

We split up because she said it "didn't feel right" she asked for space to sort herself out and I respected that. However apart from the first couple of days following our split she regularly texts and calls me to say she misses me and loves me, asking how I am, that she is thinking about me. Last wee she asked to meet up so I went to see her she seemed very pleased to see me, I ended up staying the night and she told me she truly does love me. After leaving the next day I heard nothing from her until this weekend when she text and then called me. We spoke for an hour and she asked about meeting up again. She said she misses me and wants to see me but doesn't want to give me or us false hope. What is she doing and what does she want? I am deliberatley not asking too many questions because I don't want her to get scared or feel under pressure. Any ideas how do I go forward from here.. Thanks.

[Cat1864]

Her words and actions aren't matching up and that is a huge warning sign. If I had to guess on what is going through her mind right now based on what you have written, I would think that she was playing you and keeping you on the hook while she casts a few more lines.

IF you want to rebuild the relationship or see if there is anything left to rebuild, sit down and talk with her about what is going on. If she uses any more excuses like not wanting to give you false hope as she says why she wants to be playmates instead of a couple, get up and walk out. If she isn't willing to discuss the relationship, the issues, the problems, etc. and work with you on moving forward, then walk away. You don't need to be her safety net while she sees what else is out there.

I think you should look into No Contact. It means deleting phone numbers, email, etc.; not accepting texts or reading them or emails; getting rid of social networking site pages (FaceBook, Myspace, etc.); not allowing friends to give updates; etc.

Bottom line: She can't give you false hope if you don't keep in contact with her. She can't use you if you aren't available to her.

[Mrcrossroads]

Agree words and actions don't match. She seems to be trying to stop herself having feelings for me rather than just going with it. If she loves me, misses me as much as she says she does and wants to see me then surely, whatever else she may be unsure about, that must tell her something.

[Cat1864]

Agree words and actions don't match. She seems to be trying to stop herself having feelings for me rather than just going with it. If she loves me, misses me as much as she says she does and wants to see me then surely, whatever else she may be unsure about, that must tell her something.

Talk with her. Listen to what she is saying and not what you want to hear. Try not to project your own feelings onto her. Look at her emotions and actions for what they are NOT what you want them to be.

Does she love you as much as you want her to or believe that she does? Has she found the right bait to keep you happily on her hook while she fishes for someone else?

A word of caution, any shiny surface can be used as a mirror. Be certain that what you think you see in her isn't a reflection of your own desires and needs.

[Mrcrossroads]

She told me when we broke up that if she has made a mistake she will come and find me. She is making all the contact now so is this what she is doing now ?

[Cat1864]

She told me when we broke up that if she has made a mistake she will come and find me. She is making all the contact now so is this what she is doing now ?

I think she may have planned to hold on to you as long as she can. So far all of what you have said about how she acts and what she says is (I dislike saying it) stereotypical 'keep them on the hook' behavior.

What happens if you try to contact her? Each time she goes off on her own does she say something along the lines of, 'I'll call you, don't call me.' What happens if she calls/texts and you don't take it or return it immediately? What happens if you say that you can't meet up with her when she wants?

[Mrcrossroads]

I have not made any of the contact or suggested meeting up this has all come from her. When she texts and I don't reply or take time to reply she she will chase me.. for example you didn't answer how you are..

[kctiger]

You seem like a convenient comfort zone to have until she can find a new one. A serious talk is a must, to sort out whatever it is she thinks is going on here. You can't break up with someone and have the luxury of stringing them along until your feelings of loneliness and emptiness pass.

[talaniman]

Fact is you are still to available to her, and forget the fear, get it out in the open, and ask the tough questions. Personally, I would have ignored her contacts.

This is a classic keeping you close, to be her option to boredom.

[Kitkat22]

She wants to keep you as a spare.
She's using you and you're letting her. Sorry... NC

[lickemlolly]

I have to agree here with the majority... ummm she said she wanted to break up so stop being so available to her... like she said if SHE made a mistake then she will come find you right? So stop talking to her... let her realize she's made the mistake.. right now all she's doing is having fun without the consequences of being in a relationship while she still has you in her clutches.. she has no fear of you leaving her or going anywhere... STOP talking to her.. dont respond to her text messages... dont call her and if she calls you let it go to the voicemail... she is playing games and you are letting her do it...

[Kitkat22]

Leave her alone. NC