[janellbrandi]

Hi my name is brandi
Im 18 years old and I just recently found out that the man I've been calling father all my life isn't really my dad. I have a last name that is neither my mothers or my "fathers".

All the info that I have on the man who is said to be my father is a first and last name {personal info removed} and has a sister named Joy I don't know where he lives how old he is or even the slightest clue of what he looks like.

I don't want to be in the dark anymore
Can anyone help?

[Oddboots]

Ask your mother?

[janellbrandi]

She denies that she even knows someone by that name
My aunt was the one who gave me his because she knew my mom would deny it

[ScottGem]

i just recently found out that the man ive been calling father all my life isnt really my dad.

Excuse me, but the man who raised you all your life is most certainly and definitely your "dad". He may not be your biological father, but he is your dad and you need to understand and remember that.

What proof does your aunt have that he isn't your bio father? Why did she tell you this?

Are you saying that you have grown up with a last name different from your dad's and you never questioned that? Have you gotten a copy of your birth certificate?

[talaniman]

You and your mom need to have an adult conversation. Your aunt may be wrong, but your mom knows the truth. That's where you have to start at, the whole truth.

[janellbrandi]

I have tried getting the truth out of my mother she tells lies like my last name is my grandfathers real last name before he changed it and when I confronted my dad about it he said that my last name came from a guy my mom use to be madly in love with I am old enough to know the truth from a lie and I will not sit ant talk with my mother if she is going to continue to tell me lies. I love the man who raised me and I am more the proud to call him my dad and he will always be. But all my life I've been told otherwise. Ive been told by my aunt great grandmother and even sister that we don't have the same dad. The one thing my mom has always taught me is to be honest and she is not being fully honest with me. I just want closure not to cut anyone out of my life

[Clough]

Hi, janellbrandi!

Tough problem and situation! If I were you, I would feel like I was in the middle between people, all of whom I would like to think that I could trust. And, it would be causing me much angst and confusion!

Without getting others involved, it would seem that the logical thing to do would be to confront your mother with the information that you think is correct. I know that speaking with your mother has already been mentioned on this thread and that you say that you have spoken with her. But, how have you spoken with her? What are the words that you used? It is possible that she actually might have some good reason or reasons for not telling you... Don't know...

And, you won't know until you do sit down and speak with her. Don't have to accuse her of lying, but ask why you have the information that you have and that you believe it to be true because of the sources. If it's not true, then you could ask her to prove that it's not true because of not knowing causing you so much heartache.

Have you asked her something along the lines of what you wrote in your last post?

Originally posted by The one thing my mom has always taught me is to be honest and she is not being fully honest with me. I just want closer not to cut anyone out of my life.

What do you think, please?

Thanks!

[ScottGem]

I have to admit I'm a bit at a loss here. If you were 40 or 50 I might understand your mother's attitude. At that point in time having a child out of wedlock would be shaming. But 20 yrs ago its not that big an issue. So I don't understand why she won't tell you the truth. You are certainly old enough to deal with it.

Have you obtained a copy of your birth certificate? What does it say?

But the only way I see this resolved is confronting your mother with your feelings.

Maybe you should show her this thread. If she sees what other people think she may have second thoughts.

[talaniman]

I think she is trying to protect you, and only she knows from what, but it certainly seems like your search for the truth will be on your own, and that may be something you have to accept. Let your mom know how important this is to you, and you intend to find what you seek on your own. This may sway her position, it may NOT.

It does change the direction of your search, so start with where you were born, and when, and start there, and see where it leads.

Not only with the yellow pages, but there are many online people search sites to explore. Be caution though, and prepare for bad news as not all who fathered a child want to be found, for whatever reason. Are you ready for that possibility??

I wish you luck on your journey.

[janellbrandi]

Thank you
talaniman ScottGem and Clough,
Yes I have very much considered the fact that maybe he doesn't want to be found but there is also a possibility that he doesn't know about me. I am willing to talk to my mother again with my feelings, and if I am closed out again, I will just begin my journey wiithout there

You guys have been a big help :)