[confusedlady]

I don't know what to do. My live-in boyfriend seems like he is going to leave me... We fight only occasionally, but when we do it's a huge blow out. We have both in the past maybe once or twice said something about leaving the other. I am only so concerned this time because in the past 4-5 arguments we have had, he has said this every time... well more along the lines of me to get the hell out. Only to complicate things more.. we have a four month old together, we were supposed to be planning a wedding, and now he says things like " i'm not gonna marry you because you aren't ready" or " i'm not gonna be with someone like you anymore" and all I keep thinking is am I really this horrible to be with? I love him so much, I love our little family, and thought it was just the beginning, but now... I am not sure of anything... I mean our arguments are BAD and unhealthy I'm sure, but I don't want to break up our family at all and wish we could afford some kind of 3rd party counceling. Lol I think this is the closest we can get is I guess vent on here lol.

[positiveparent]

I think you need to chill out count to ten and try to relax, not just so you can get your head clear but for your little baby, because babies pick up on it when their mummy isn't too happy, especially if you're still nursing him/her.

Another reason you need to chill is whilst you're in this state of anxiety/panic/fear then your partner will find you to be hostile or offhand with him, and that could be what's making him want to leave, if indeed he does want to leave.

Once you've calmed yourself down go over the arguments you've had and see if there's one particular aspects that's apparent in every or most of them.

When you find that then you then need to try to talk not shout, not argue not yell at your b/f and tell him you've realised what it is, and then between you you calmly and adult like talk it over, allow him to say his piece, you wait 1 minute then respond not before not whilst he's trying to talk, and then he does the same and lets you get your views on it all out in the open, and he's also to keep quiet whilst you talk.

You should hopefully be able to resolve your differences in this way. You have though got to talk, and listen, both of you.

You really have got to stop having disputes or arguments with a small baby in the home, it will cause problems for the child, the child will become cranky fretful scared. And frightened every time he/she hears you 2 raise your voices.

I hope this helps please come back and keep us updated.

[Wondergirl]

wish we could afford some kind of 3rd party counceling.

You CAN afford counseling. If you're in the U.S. call your county human services department or call a counseling agency. Ask about a sliding scale in keeping with your income. And, of course, we are always happy to advise you for free here.

[talaniman]

I don't know how long you have been together but you obviously have not learned to disagree as adults. Take a cooling off period instead of getting carried away by hyped up feelings, as this new baby may have you both on extreme edge.

No need to be cruel when your mad, as that solves nothing, and its hard to forget, or forgive hurtful words.