[XavierB]

I have been getting really close to one of my co-workers. It started with play fighting at work, texting after work, getting the train together, flirty texts and now very sensual hugs. I'm in a relationship and desperately love my girlfriend who I hope to marry next year. I'm a faithful guy but I have cheated before in a previous relationship. It was a mistake I deeply regretted and swore never to walk down that path.

Problem is I can slowly see this friendship with my co-worker becoming something more. She knows I'm in a relationship, heck, I know I'm in a relationship but I seem to be on a slippery slope, I don't want to cheat or lose my girlfriend but I am seriously attracted to my co-worker. I'm 26. Anyone know how to stop this becoming a disaster?

[Lucky098]

Yes.

Its called stop talking to the other girls

Its called self control and respect for your girlfriend and yourself.

If you cannot walk away from this gracefully, then you don't deserve your hopeful wife...

Erase this other girls number.. Work a different shift/dpt/days.. and move on.

Or.. become a cheater and hurt everyone involved and end up being lonely.

This choice is yours.. make a good one.

[SamBuzz]

From a Christian point of view, apparently sexual sins are your weakness. You might consider getting pastoral counseling on the issue of sexual purity. Ask about how to find transformation, what Paul speaks of as "having the mind of Christ". Christ was able to rub shoulders with sinners of all types, and yet no fall into their sins himself.

There is a book that might be very helpful for you: "Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It" Amazon.com: Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It (9781581346640): Jerry B. Jenkins, Tim LaHaye, John Perrodin: Books
- Hedges will specifically tell you how to plant hedges against temptations- temptations that can ruin a marriage and bring devastation to a family in the blink of an eye.

The review by Tim Challies is especially good.

[Enigma1999]

Hello,

Yes, Don't DO IT!! Plain and simple!

[Just Looking]

If you see it coming and don't want to hurt your girlfriend, back off the other girl. The more time you spend with her, the more tempted you will become. You have control of your actions. Turn it back into co-workers only. No flirting, no texting, no personal conversations. Turn your energy elsewhere - like romancing your girlfriend! You might even strike up a better friendship with one of the guys at work so you have someone else to talk to there.

[TruthSayer0122]

Don't have any female friends that your girlfriend can't hang out with also. You are emotionally cheating already. My rule is no new friends are allowed. Meaning once the relationship has started no long converstations, or friendly dinners or text messages that you wouldn't want the other person to see. For your current situation just stop. Change your number and just stop talking to the girl. That's you must deal in prevention. It's hard to stop once you get started.

[DoulaLC]

Never allow yourself to be in that situation. Tell the other girl directly that it ends now... no more playing around... no more texting... get on a different train. Keep any contact strictly business.

If you can't do it... either you aren't ready to be in a serious relationship with your girlfriend or you need to change jobs.

[I wish]

Turn away whenever you see her.

Minimize your contact with her to only work related matters.

Don't have any unnecessary conversations with her until your feelings for her have gone away.

Focus on your current relationship and building a stronger bond with your current girlfriend.

I must ask though, are there aspects about your girlfriend that aren't fullfilling you, which is making you turn to other women? If there is, then fix the problems if possible, if there aren't, then turn your head back to your girlfriend and focus on how to propose to her.

[J_9]

Is there a way to stop yourself from cheating?

Yup... easy peasy...


Stop thinking with your little head and start thinking with your big head!

I'm a faithful guy but I have cheated before in a previous relationship

The above is contradictory. If you are a faithful guy you would never have cheated in the previous relationship.

Faithful=NO CHEATING.

Arghhh.

[JudyKayTee]

I have been getting really close to one of my co-workers. It started with play fighting at work, texting after work, getting the train together, flirty texts and now very sensual hugs. I'm in a relationship and desperately love my girlfriend who I hope to marry next year. I'm a faithful guy but I have cheated before in a previous relationship. It was a mistake I deeply regretted and swore never to walk down that path.

Problem is I can slowly see this friendship with my co-worker becoming something more. She knows I'm in a relationship, heck, I know I'm in a relationship but I seem to be on a slippery slope, I don't want to cheat or lose my girlfriend but I am seriously attracted to my co-worker. I'm 26. Anyone know how to stop this becoming a disaster?

Yes. Do your girlfriend a very big favor and move on. If you don't know how to get off this "slippery slope," cannot control yourself and your feelings don't bring this drama into her life.

Leave her.

[XavierB]

You can be faithful but have cheated in the past. I cheated once a very long time ago and I haven't done so again since. I have been faithful to my girlfriend and was in previous relationships. One mistake cannot define who you are.

Thank you all for the advice. I do love my girl and I'm not thinking about the other girl sexually. It's just really difficult. I love my girl and am happy completely with our relationships. I just don't know what's going on with me.

[Kitkat22]

You can be faithful but have cheated in the past. I cheated once a very long time ago and I haven't done so again since. I have been faithful to my girlfriend and was in previous relationships. One mistake cannot define who you are.

Thank you all for the advice. I do love my girl and I'm not thinking about the other girl sexually. It's just really difficult. I love my girl and am happy completely with our relationships. I just don't know what's going on with me.

Leave the other girl alone. You must have have been thinking about her sexually or you wouldn't feel so guilty. Hugging another co worker in the work place is inappropriate.

If you love your girlfriend, stay away from the co worker. Just an opinion.

[Alty]

This

I cheated once a very long time ago and I haven't done so again since

And this

flirty texts and now very sensual hugs.

Don't go together. I have news for you, you're already cheating.

There's more to cheating than just sex. You're doing things with this girl that are not appropriate. Would you be okay with your girlfriend doing these things with a co-worker? If not, than you're cheating. If she doesn't know about it and you know she wouldn't be okay with it. You're cheating.

How do you stop yourself? Easy. Get a backbone, keep your hands to yourself, and your pants zipped. It's really not that hard. You make it sound like this is out of your control when in fact, this is all in your control, you're the only one that has the control over your own body.

If you really love her, this should be a no brainer.

[Kitkat22]

This



and this



Don't go together. I have news for you, you're already cheating.

There's more to cheating than just sex. You're doing things with this girl that are not appropriate. Would you be okay with your girlfriend doing these things with a co-worker? If not, than you're cheating. If she doesn't know about it and you know she wouldn't be okay with it. You're cheating.

How do you stop yourself? Easy. Get a backbone, keep your hands to yourself, and your pants zipped. It's really not that hard. You make it sound like this is out of your control when in fact, this is all in your control, you're the only one that has the control over your own body.

If you really love her, this should be a no brainer.

Yes absolutely.. gotta spread the rep Alty. I think you summed it up and I won't add anything else. Great Advice.:)

[J_9]

It started with play fighting at work, texting after work, getting the train together, flirty texts and now very sensual hugs.

I do love my girl and I'm not thinking about the other girl sexually.

I can slowly see this friendship with my co-worker becoming something more.

I'm a faithful guy

Dude, do you actually understand what the word contradiction means?

[JBeaucaire]

I think all of the advice given so far is relevant (even the stuff that got "disagrees" from people who should know better)... so I will just add this:

I think you're already doing the right "new" thing that you will help you not be a cheater. You're seeking help. That's the first step in any self-improvement, admitting the problem to others.

The problem here is that we aren't in much of a position to help you enforce the "help" you seek. So I suggest you take this "get help" theme to the next level. Confide in another coworker/friend and explain the situation fully. Give them authority and permission to intervene whenever they can to help you resist.

This is the key tenet of many recovery processes, the need to have a non-condescending-understanding-shoulder to lean on, someone who will firmly help you resist without the extra stuff that doesn't help.

Go, man, go. This IS how you become an ex-cheater.

[slapshot_oi]

You need to stop talking to her before you put both your relationship and job in jeopardy.

Cheating is a bad idea.

Sex with a co-worker is bad idea.

Cheating with a co-worker is the worst idea ever.

[JudyKayTee]

Have to agree with Slapshot - but I still think that if OP is this conflicted he should stop seeing the "girlfriend." Better to hurt her now than let that relationship go on and hurt her later.

I get paid to watch cheaters; some are serial cheaters; some people cheat once.

This person has alread crossed the line. I don't know which category is applicable.

Give the girlfriend a break - on behalf of everyone who has ever been cheated on, let her go, tell her to go, throw her out. Don't hurt another person in this fashion.

[JudyKayTee]

I think all of the advice given so far is relevant (even the stuff that got "disagrees" from people who should know better)... so I will just add this:.

That's why "agree" and "disagree" are there. Not everyone is Christian. Not everyone particularly cares that Jesus Christ rubbed elbows with sinners. On a religious board, yes, helpful; on this board, not so much.

Please don't set yourself up to judge who should know better and what anyone should post.

If you have a problem with a "disagree," please notify a mod and I'm sure the mod will spread the word.

[JBeaucaire]

It's been a few years since the debate raged, but I was "taught" by the powers that be around here that the reddies should be reserved for when someone posts a factually incorrect post, or posts information/suggestions that are clearly (?) dangerous in some way.

When people share well-thought suggestions and support them with experience and well-meaning, giving that post a reddie is inappropriate. Disagree with them in your own post, if you must, or simply state your own suggestions as an addition.

The use of reddies in any of the "advice" forums is therefore... constrained.

I'm sure there are websites that don't exercise care nor concern and urge people to vote on everything! But when I was constrained here years ago in this manner, I realized they were right.

So, the reddies I reserve for improper posts, dangerous or factually incorrect... and even then I tread with care. My next post can be used to offer differing (additional) ideas without specifically pointing at someone else's post and saying, "No, don't do that."

Make sense?

You're correct that not everyone is Christian, but that in no way invalidates well-meaning Christian suggestions, does it? I'm not a Buddhist, but if a buddhist suggests something's and offers supportive helpful info, I don't believe saying "That's wrong, we're not all Buddhists" is helpful input from me. I can do better than that.