[redrumx3]

We have been together for almost a year now, and he is currently living with me. He's a great person and I love him, but as the cliché goes I'm just not in love with him.

I've tried for a month now to feel the way I used to but I'm finding more and more each day that I can't force those feelings to come back. He's done nothing wrong and I really don't want to hurt him. I think this was inevitable to begin with, he was a "rebound" I guess you could say, that was my fault and I feel horrible for being in this position.

He lives with me now because his mom is not the sanest person I know, we are 21 & 20. He could afford to get roomates but he's not well off and is trying to go to school in the fall. I'm not sure what to do or what to say.. I want to be able to have this be peaceful and really would like to remain friends.. not to mention I'm also scared of having regrets.

[kctiger]

It is a hard position to be in for sure, but he deserves to know the truth just as you deserve to be out of a situation you aren't happy in. You just have to sit him down and explain yourself honestly. Yes it will hurt but you can't delay the inevitable. It will be hard and there will be some uncomfortable moments, but that is with any break up. Good luck!

[fireguy40]

As Kctiger said be honest, it may hurt a lot but tell him the way it is.
Don't fall into the trap of "i need space" or "just don't want to be in a relationship" there is a whole board of fall out because of that here to read ;-)

As someone recently dumped as much as it would have hurt I wish id been told, I don't love you anymore then I could have processed that, honesty is definitely the best policy especially if you want to have contact in the future.

There is a good sticky about how to break up with someone id definitely read that.

Also please be patient in the days weeks months following, be kind and be prepared to have the talk many times.
Good luck

[redrumx3]

I talked to him last night, I told him how I was feeling. We didn't technically break up yet, he wrote me a love letter to wake up to. I'm so angry I can't feel the way I want to about him. He's everything I could ever ask for and I can't even give him an explanation as to why I'm feeling the way I do. I can't stay with him, I realized this when I found out he was flirting with other girls and it made me happy that he was finding happiness in other places.

Do you think this is reasonable? If I were to say to him that we need to both do our own thing. We are both young and need to explore ourselves before we build a life with/for someone else. (He's been planning on going back to school and working overtime and he claimed yesterday it was for me. I got upset because I want him to be able to say he's going to school for him, not for someone else.)

I may be an idealist but I truly believe that things that are meant to be will happen. If after we get our lives settled apart, we still find each other, then maybe it's supposed to be that way.

[redhed35]

A clean break will help him move on,no contact is the way forward.

Don't say maybe one day,or we can still be friends,don't give him anything to hang on to,disappear from his life,and although that may sound cruel and hard to do,sometimes to have to be cruel to be kind.

Make a plan for who is going to move out set the date and follow that action.

The nice guy is not always the right guy,either your feeling it or your not.

Don't feel bad about breaking up, do it quickly don't drag it out.

[fireguy40]

I say go with the advice already given, if you start along the lines of maybe we will meet again in the future and get back together, that will just create false hope for him.

As a man the only thing he will hear from that sentence is "in the future we will get back together" .

Break it clean with I don't love u I don't want to be with you like this anymore.

It hurts but it's better for him to deal with.

A quote I read today from the film cocktail may apply here.
"everything ends badly, otherwise it wouldn't end"
If your sure u want it to end and you are really sure then, just tell the truth.

Good luck

[redrumx3]

Sorry my phone has gone mental and its posted many times, im really sorry

Not a problem, it's all been very great advice, I didn't mind hearing it a couple times haha

[Shadowburn]

I agree with others, don't drag it on, it's unfair to him either - he deserves to be with someone who'd love him for him. And don't be afraid having any regrets - there is nothing to regret here. Yes, he is nice, yes, relationship was comfortable, but long-term, it's simply not enough to make it work.

So get out quickly and amicably. He tried to guilt you into staying with his love letters... don't fall for it, it's just an act of desperation, and I think that's why you're angry.

Good luck.

[redrumx3]

I have 3 best guy friends, 2 cause my boyfriend to be jealous.

1. There are two things that bother my boyfriend about him. He says he loves me, as far as I know in a platonic manner. Also, he sleeps over my house sometimes when it gets too late, never in the same room.

2. The other guy I don't get to see as much, but I know he is head over heels for me. I value our friendship and try to push that aside because I don't see him in that way, but he brings it up occasionally.

How should I handle these situations?

[88sunflower]

That's a terrible name you came up with I must say. redrumx3? Creepy to me.

You sound a lot like me. I had only guy friends and one best girlfriend that I hung out with daily. It all depends on the relationship and trust levels you have with your boyfriend. My husband at that time we were dating worked only midnights. I was always out with my guy friends and usually not sober. But we always stopped in his job and he knew I was loyal to him. I always had my friends hanging as part of our click so my husband didn't have to wonder why they weren't around when he was. In the end we all hung out together and there was no jealousy or wondering. With me I put it out there. I have friends of both sexes and that's that. He could take it or leave it. I also had a guy friend who loved me to pieces. But it wasn't going to happen. He respected that. You need to just set boundries and never exclude your boyfriend if you can.

[redrumx3]

x3 is supposed to be a heart haha, sorry I'm not creepy :)

but yea I see what you mean, it's just hard because my boyfriend is jealous by nature. He's gotten so much better with everything but with these things he tells me they bother him.

[88sunflower]

Try your best to settle his worries. Include him at all times. Or maybe talk with your friends and explain your not comfortable and want them to cut back with making it known they like you.

I do trust my husband. But if he had a female friend that stayed all night I wouldn't care for that myself. I would have that "what if" feeling. There are so many "what ifs" in the world and it can be unsettling at times.

How would it make you feel if the shoes were on the other foot? Are you with all his female friends?

[I wish]

How old are you?

You should know that there are limits. Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes. If it were your boyfriend interacting with other girls the same way, would you be uncomfortable?

[Homegirl 50]

How long have you two been dating?
One guy you know loves you, even brings it up occasionally, the other you think is platonic as far as you know.
How would you feel if your boyfriend had such a relationship with two girls friends and they spent the night sometimes?
You need to make some compromises here and set some boundaries.

[redrumx3]

I'm 20, he's 21.

The first guy is 19, the second 23.

My boyfriend and I were together for two years, broke up for a year, and are now trying to work things out (not to mention he is deployed to Kuwait, which complicates things a lot).

The other thing that complicates things is that he used to be extremely jealous, and part of me wants to make no compromises when it comes to this because of how he was before. What we've come to is he said he won't mind me talking to the one who has feelings for me, but would rather we didn't hang out, esp since he's not here. For the other he said just to tell him to stop telling me he loves me and for him to not sleep over without my female friend that we usually hang out with. Are these reasonable?


I apologize if I sound clueless, but my boyfriends have either been too jealous, and my last let me do anything I wanted without cheating basically, so I'm not sure what "healthy" is.

[Homegirl 50]

If you two were having problems before and are now together trying to work things out, you need to put your efforts to that, and having two guys sniffing around all the time is not the way to do it and to not even be willing to compromise does not show a willingness on your part to make things work.

I think he is being really reasonable, more than most would be. With your boyfriend away, you certainly don't need these other guys around you expressing feelings. That is inappropriate and honestly playing with fire.

If you two are exclusively dating, having the same guy spend the night at your house occasionally just is not cool.
Having a guy come around you that you know loves you but you see him any way is just not cool.

[talaniman]

Tell lover boy to go home, or go stay the night with his own girlfriend. That just doesn't look right to me. Friend or not, he has feelings, and you are way over the lines of good behavior. Tell me how you keep someone who is trying to get with you as a friend, and not expect your own boyfriend NOT to be pizzed.

[vanheart]

Be honest with everyone.

Its good to have guy friends, but friends. Remember.
That's what's important.

Tell him you are are broken up. Technically.

Hes no longer "with you", crashing at your house, living with you or anything else at this point.

No more "rebounding" get your priorities straight.

Sounds like you are a guy magnet. With implications.

It take two remember. Be aware. Your motives first.

[I wish]

Sounds like you've been dating a lot of controlling boyfriends. You should really look for someone who can respect your life and those around you.

On the other hand, do you believe that you've been doing things that merit some controversy? Again, if you reversed the situation, would you be upset if your boyfriend was interacting with other girls the same way you interact with these two guy?