[marineman1]

Ok, this is a long post. So I already have read a bunch of stuff trying to get answers, but it ain't working. Anyway, so me and my ex had been dating for a little over a year, then one day before I went into work I call her just to tell her I love her, and ill call her later, but then she really confuses the hell out of me by saying she wants to be independent and I'm like, well if you want to be so independent why are you in a relationship (stupidest thing I could have ever said). She then realizes she doesn't want to be in a relationship, right now (idk what's up with that). She says she needs space and we can still communicate, she never mentioned anything about being friends, just "communicating." Which we only do through email once in a blue moon. I don't get it. We both are starting college in a month. Our relationship was long distance by the way. Ive done nothing wrong (I don't believe). Maybe I was a little clingy, and I know that ain't right, and not man enough to do things for myself. I always wanted her to baby me, and I know I can't do that cause she has enough on her mind. She was trying to find a job last I heard, and her family is really crazy. They love me, and their all cool, but they are just kind of messed up. Anyway, we have been broken up a little over a month. Like I said I email her occasionally. I never confess my undying love to her, and don't complain about anything. Just telling her what has been going in my life. Im a mechanic, and I love engines, so I'm always busy. It still hurts to think about her. She told me when we broke up that she never wanted to date me again, just not right now. My family says to give her time to go through college and settle into life, cause she has been home schooled her whole life. So college is a huge change for her. Anyway, what is the best route to go about this? Im not waiting around for her, I've been on "dates" with other women, but nothing serious. Im not the kind of guy to use a girl just to get over someone. I still love and care about her. Nothing went wrong in our relationship, communication, love, honesty, trust, everything. We worked on everything together. I want her back, but I'm not desperate. I don't need her, she was just really great, and that kind of person that I felt I could connect with, unlike any girl I've ever dated before.

[marineman1]

When I say that she never wanted to date me again, I don't mean she NEVER wants to date me, I mean would still date me in the future, just not right now. Im not waiting around, cause worse case scenario, she doesn't come back, and I get screwed even more.

[positiveparent]

I suggest you just keep on living your life, the relationship is over, and for now that's final, You could also try going No Contact and if you stick with this it'll help you heal.

Just continue with your living your own life, and let this relationship with this girl go, its over, and you cannot change that, so just keep on living..

[jakester]

Marineman - what's up, devil?

After reading through your post, the part that stood out to me most regarding why your relationship may have failed, was the part about being a "little clingy." You didn't dissect that part of the story a great deal but you acknowledged it as a potential issue in your relationship.

Just a thought, man, but if you really felt that you were being too dependent upon her and putting her in the predicament of babying you, then it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to admit that to her and it might carry some currency with her. Let her know that you are aware of it and are working on it. Give her a chance to come to terms with your apology and let her know that if she would like to try the relationship again, you'd be willing to work on changing the dynamics of the relationship. Nothing works better than being direct and if you were willing to put yourself out there, you could tell her what you've told all of us here: "I still love and care about her" and she was "...that kind of person that i felt i could connect with, unlike any girl I've ever dated before." What have you got to lose?

I guess the above suggestion requires two things from you: 1) you genuinely see your clinginess as something that was really harmful to the relationship; 2) you care enough at this point to wait and see if she changes her mind.

Anyway, that's how I see it.

[marineman1]

Semper Fi man. Well, when the relationship looked like nothing was going to happen, she saying I was the best boyfriend ever, and she would never leave me, you know the stuff you feel right then, but don't really think about the future. Stuff happens. But I started to settle down, and lets say become more "sissy like." Why? I have no idea. We had a great healthy relationship. I don't regret one thing in it. Other than not being a strong man that would listen to her, instead I tried to "solve" her problems. Yes, I know, I'm not supposed to do that. But I wanted to do so much for her, I let her take my masculinity away. I can see how she would want to be more independent, cause I wanted her to rely on me for everything. I didn't want her doing anything I thought she couldn't do. This break up has made me understand more of what not to do in a relationship. We talked everyday, all day. Problem was, I never let her have her girl time. I guess I was also insecure. I also suffer from OCD, and need medication for it, but seeing as how I ran out, I've been clingy. What you sayed jakester, about apologizing and telling her I love her and all that. The thing is that when she broke it off, she said it wasn't me, which I know was bs. It was mostly all me, she just didn't know it I'm guessing. Im giving her her space, I'm not constantly trying to get a hold of her somehow. I haven't done that this whole break up. Ive been busy a lot. Would you suggest I call her to say that, or email. I ain't txting. She hasn't responded to my last email in a little over a week. So I don't know if she's avoiding me or if she's busy. Ive done nothing to make her avoid me, unless she's trying to get over me. But she was the one that said we could still talk, and she has never lied to me before. I believe I'm a great guy. I believe any woman would be happy to date me. But to me, she is just the person I connect with the most. We share a long history together, and I can't see me losing that with her. So, like I said, I'm giving her space, and I'm living my life one day at a time. If she finds someone, great! I hope she is happy, I pray she's happy. That's how much I care about her. I'm not going to rush anything, its just not fair to both of us. Semper Fi to all of you who respond. Be faithful in your relationships, friends, family, all. They will return the favor.

[jakester]

Semper Fi man. Well, when the relationship looked like nothing was going to happen, she saying i was the best boyfriend ever, and she would never leave me, you know the stuff you feel right then, but don't really think about the future. Stuff happens. But i started to settle down, and lets say become more "sissy like." Why? I have no idea. We had a great healthy relationship. I don't regret one thing in it. Other than not being a strong man that would listen to her, instead i tried to "solve" her problems. Yes, i know, im not supposed to do that. But i wanted to do so much for her, i let her take my masculinity away. I can see how she would want to be more independent, cause i wanted her to rely on me for everything. I didn't want her doing anything I thought she couldn't do. This break up has made me understand more of what not to do in a relationship. We talked everyday, all day. Problem was, i never let her have her girl time. I guess i was also insecure. I also suffer from OCD, and need medication for it, but seeing as how i ran out, ive been clingy. What you sayed jakester, about apologizing and telling her i love her and all that. The thing is that when she broke it off, she said it wasn't me, which i know was bs. It was mostly all me, she just didn't know it im guessing. Im giving her her space, im not constantly trying to get a hold of her somehow. I haven't done that this whole break up. Ive been busy a lot. Would you suggest i call her to say that, or email. I ain't txting. She hasn't responded to my last email in a little over a week. So i don't know if shes avoiding me or if shes busy. Ive done nothing to make her avoid me, unless shes trying to get over me. But she was the one that said we could still talk, and she has never lied to me before. I believe im a great guy. I believe any woman would be happy to date me. But to me, she is just the person i connect with the most. We share a long history together, and i can't see me losing that with her. So, like i said, im giving her space, and im living my life one day at a time. If she finds someone, great! I hope she is happy, i pray shes happy. Thats how much i care about her. im not going to rush anything, its just not fair to both of us. Semper Fi to all of you who respond. Be faithful in your relationships, friends, family, all. They will return the favor.

Man, my heart really goes out to you, my brother. We share the Marine Corps bond but I also know a thing or two about relationship struggles too.

First off, let me just say that allowing yourself to be vulnerable to settling down is not "sissy like", even though by Marine standards it may seem that way. The fact is, to be a real man, you have to be able to go through life and experience the full gamut of emotions: being vulnerable to a woman is probably the most foreign to a warrior but it is so much a part of life, dog. God made men to be strong and capable of leading but also made us with the capacity to learn to love a woman and be loved by a woman (which forces us to be vulnerable)... to avoid that in life is to be less than a man, I think.

Secondly, you are feeling the pain of the loss of this relationship so I can sense how you are being hard on yourself. I can tell that you have already learned a lot of valuable lessons from this experience... by your own admission, you know you have.

I'm going by everything you are telling me here so hear me out. I would call her to tell her the things you are mentioning here. Speak from your heart and let her know how you feel. If she never gives you the opportunity to talk with her live, then you have no other choice but to move on. At least then, bro, you tried and you gave it your all. You can't take back what has been done but you can move on knowing that you at least tried to be honest and truthful with the person you cared for. There's honor in that.

My friend, we all have much to learn in this life. I went through a painful divorce that broke me in ways that I never imagined I could be broken. So I understand what you feel right now. The truth is, if it doesn't work out, you are better because of the experience. Your attitude towards your ex is a good one, too, I might add... you are not bitter towards her but you have even said that you pray for her. My brother, you must know that this kind of spirit is a good one to have because that is what real love is... wishing good towards someone instead of evil.

Ultimately, it's hard not to be, but you must not get down on yourself too much. I struggled with that after my divorce. Learn from this experience. Own your mistakes and try to understand how you can do better next time but realize that you are human and make mistakes... I have learned that lesson and it is an important one to remember as we go along.

I wish you all the best, man.

Semper Fidelis