[Adapa]

Don't throw that away, as you will surely regret it.

Listen to these wise words...

Because in the end...

Dignity is all we have left to show our self-worth.

[AdamWest1]

I have resolved not to contact her at all. At least until her surgery .I will be calling her right before to wish her luck and that I care and am thinking about her. But that's not for a few weeks. If she calls me though I will communicate with her but I know I need to give her space and not initiate contact.

I don't want her out of my life because she really is one of my best friends and we were before all of this went down and we have been for years.

[hidden123]

Good decision AdamWest1.. this will give you some time to heal and reflect.. Which you will need if you plan on being her friend in the future..

[Homegirl 50]

She stated what she wanted from the get go and reminded you in between. I think you just became more involved with her than she did with you.
I think time away from her (completely) will help you see things clearer and will help you get over her.
I wish you well.

[AdamWest1]

She stated what she wanted from the get go and reminded you i between. I think you just became more involved with her than she did with you.
I think time away from her completely will help you see things clearer and will help you get over her.
I wish you well.

There's a lot of truth in what you said. But there was a time when we started that she told me that the idea of a relationship was growing on her and if I kept it up then she just may be my girlfriend soon. Obviously that never materialized, but yes, maybe I was more involved with her than she was with me. But she was an active participant too. I'm not saying that I didn't do anything to push her or scare her away. What I am saying is that I do think there is a chance for us in the future, but I realize that it isn't right now at this exact moment in time, and to get to that possible point in the future I have to back off for now.

[positiveparent]

Theres alot of truth in what you said. But there was a time when we started that she told me that the idea of a relationship was growing on her and if I kept it up then she just may be my girlfriend soon. Obviously that never materialized, but yes, maybe I was more involved with her than she was with me. But she was an active participant too. I'm not saying that I didnt do anything to push her or scare her away. What I am saying is that I do think there is a chance for us in the future, but I realize that it isnt right now at this exact moment in time, and to get to that possible point in the future I have to back off for now.

Sorry to break this to you, however it seems your ex g/f has made it obvious she wants to be left alone, girls who say they want to be friends usually do so because its easier than them telling you to take a long walk off a short pier.

I feel you're laying yourself wide open for more of the same.

Let it go, if she really does want you then she will come find you..

As stated before you need to fix what went wrong in the first relationship you and she had. If you don't then it'll just go wrong again, that's if you get far enough again to need to do this.

Please try to see this for what it really is, it'll only end up hurting you even more...

[talaniman]

I know you don't see how your own thinking clouds your judgment but the notion that you can keep someone in your life by going back to what was before is BOGUS.

Things changed between you and you have to rethink your priorities and if you don't put the proper healing at the top of your list, and rebuild a life that you enjoy without her in it, you will totally fail yourself and any chance at happiness you have.

While no one can predict what will happen, I can assure you from personal experience, if you don't do the right things for yourself now, through absolute NC, and begin to work on your healing, you will prolong the misery and pain, and not reach clarity of thought and understanding so vital to having a chance at a healthy, and happy path to personal growth.

Give up your plots, plans, and schemes of how to get her back and turn your attention to more, much more important things than looking for her to fill the hole in your soul.

She can't, and doesn't want to. She made that clear, but you refuse to accept it and get your closure.

[Adapa]

Things changed between you and you have to rethink your priorities and if you don't put the proper healing at the top of your list, and rebuild a life that you enjoy without her in it, you will totally fail yourself and any chance at happiness you have.

I can assure you from personal experience, if you don't do the right things for yourself now, thru absolute NC, and begin to work on your healing, you will prolong the misery and pain, and not reach clarity of thought and understanding so vital to having a chance at a healthy, and happy path to personal growth.

+1. Listen to these words. They are so true, and EVERYONE goes through this... unless they are lucky enough to get it right the first time.

And as Tala has said, N.C. is really about building your life for yourself, so you can live a happy life... with or without your ex. If you go N.C. and improve your life to only get your ex back in it... and then fail, you will pretty much mess your whole life up.

Live for yourself and be who you are... not who you think your ex wants you to be. What your ex does not want--some other girl will want. Its sort of like a man's garbage is an other man's treasure...

You see... I have been thinking lately... and attraction is so bizarre, every woman has different traits about a man that attracts them... Some women like skinny men, some women like bigger men, some women like long hair, some women like no hair. Some women like style, while some women like a dirty man with greasy pants and mud on his boots coming home from work. Some women like a sweaty men who just got out of the gym or working out... while some women like fancy well dressed men. Some women like rough manly hands, while some women like nice clean nails with nothing under them.

So you see... there are a billion things women are attracted too and trying to be the one your ex wants you to be, is not really something you should try and be...

I think you should be you, and sooner or later you'll find someone who loves you for you, and not because you have to change yourself.

[AdamWest1]

I hear what you all are saying. And you each have a point. And I thank you all for trying to help.

Having said that, is there anyone on here that actually thinks that I have a shot to be with this woman, if I am smart and give her and myself what we need right now? Space, time, etc.
Anyone at all?

[hidden123]

AdamWest1 - let's put it this way.. if you do have a shot - it will be only after you're able to let her go and re-gain yourself... does that make sense to you? But if you keep on thinking about that shot.. you'll never get there..

So - comfort yourself with the fact that she is still your friend. There's no hatred between you like in case of so many break ups. Don't "throw her away" But "tuck her away on a shelf far away" in your mind.

The fact is - there's no guarantees in life for anything at all (except that we all die, of course) so - you never know. Anything is possible. But you need to take your focus off her...

What I did was... allow myself a certain amount of time to think of him... Le'ts say 15 min. I'd walk away, have a cigaret (I don't really smoke :) and think of him. When the time was up, I'd go back to what I was doing and do everything to occupy my mind with other things.. You must train your brain to let her go..

[talaniman]

We have no clue as to your future with her or not, but you will, after a proper healing.

Quiet as its kept, after a proper healing, most people don't want another shot with and ex, because when you get healthy, and proactive in your own life, you see all the other, better options, and opportunities that life has to offer, and you tend to look forward, and NOT back.

So why not heal, and see how you feel?

[positiveparent]

You can't live in the past, its gone its done and dusted, you had a chance back then to make something of a relationship with this girl, it went wrong, its over, she wants to be alone.

You can't revive a dead person, and in same token you can't revive a dead relationship.

You need to face reality, and the truth. Move on Get out of the past, it's the past.

All you're doing is setting yourself up for more hurt and heartache, your choice but you have been advised to let this go if you can't you can't just know you'll be keeping yourself stuck in heartbreak hell...