[komo50]

I occasionally jokingly call my 3-year-old a "dingdong" when he does something silly. He giggles and calls me one back or says in a silly voice, "I'm not a dingdong!" We both chuckle and all is good.

Others sometimes think that's "name-calling" and will hurt his self-esteem and make him mean to other kids.

What is your opinion?

Thanks!

[Wondergirl]

It won't hurt his self esteem, but he will eventually use it with someone other than you, and that other person might very well take it as an insult. If I were you, I would change the word to a less loaded one.

[kp2171]

I agree.

I think its loaded with all kind of potential noise down the line.

It's a silly sounding thing to say. It has well known innuendo. Enjoy that you've had giggles with it and move on. With a child that age, you can create all kinds of new laughter with little thought... its such a great time...

So... enjoy that you've laughed over this... and find another thing to giggle about.

[komo50]

Thank you for the feedback.

I assume that all kids eventually call someone else a name. Could the feedback he receives help him learn about time & place, audience & circumstance?

My thought is to help teach him to navigate these grey areas rather than not let him experience them until he's suddenly faced with it.

Plus, I want to encourage him to not take himself too seriously. As a long time teacher, I find that the ability to shrug off what other people say is a key to self-esteem.

Thanks again and I look forward to hearing more thoughts & opinions.

[Wondergirl]

Do all that in a positive way and not with loaded words and names.

The main thing is to keep the lines of communication open so that he will always be comfortable with you when he needs answers to questions and help when dealing with others. Having open communication does not mean use "naughty" words that you think he might hear on the playground some day. Always keep the bar raised high.

[kp2171]

Well... sure... and a good leg sweep now and then could teach him to watch his surroundings better?

He will hear all kinds of names on the playground. I don't think arming him with names puts him at an advantage. I agree that the kid who is able to accept that others can behave poorly but that doesn't reflect on him, well, that's a great skill set to have.

I don't think you need to call your child a name to desensitize him.

[komo50]

How would you encourage him to "shrug off" negative "attacks"?

[Wondergirl]

How would you encourage him to "shrug off" negative "attacks"?

How do you know he's going to get any?

Raise him to feel good about himself and his body and his skills, i.e. don't shame him. Not "You're bad," but "You did a bad thing." Like I said, keep the communication open so he will come to you if he's ever "attacked" and doesn't know how to handle it.

[Jake2008]

I had prepared an answer, then my husband started bugging me, and I pressed a key that made my answer disappear. I did not call him a nice name.

My point is that we over analyze everything, and don't use common sense as much as we should.

Playful loving banter between a mother and tot with names that feel silly and make us laugh, are harmful. He will not end up on a Psychiatrists couch because you call him a dingdong, and he calls you a dingdong. In fact, teaching him the difference in the connotation and meaning of words is a good thing, and it comes naturally with time.

If your tot uses words like, fatso, **le, b**ch, whore, stupid, ugly and useless tool, then he should be doing double duty in the time out chair.

When words used in a fun way, like ninja turtle, sillypants, princess (we could analyze that to death if it were directed to a male child), etc. human nature picks up the meaning which is fun and playful, and not insulting in any way. I wish I could remember the names I called my kids. One just graduated with two honours degrees from University.

Try to put things in context, don't overdo it. When he starts school, he'll bring home all sorts of words and phrases that you will have to correct, so that he doesn't repeat them. Also a learning experience for your child.

Relax, you are doing nothing wrong.

[mrshodges]

I have to agree with the above. My husband and I call the kids goobers and dorks and the kids return the favor. We laugh about it. Like if we have a blond moment or even trip on our own feet. I put carpet fresh in the dishwasher one time. I think it teaches them to laugh at themselves so things are not so bad. (I know what I'm trying to say I just can't put the words to it.) You just have to teach them right from wrong.

[Kitkat22]

I call my grandkids rugrats and munchkins. We laugh also.

[Jake2008]

Those words really bring back fond memories don't they?

One of 'my' boys, his name was Paul, we called PollyWog, and it stuck to this day. He is a career officer in the American Army, turned into a great man. I miss him.

Actually, I miss them all.

[Kitkat22]

Those words really bring back fond memories don't they?

One of 'my' boys, his name was Paul, we called PollyWog, and it stuck to this day. He is a career officer in the American Army, turned into a great man. I miss him.

Actually, I miss them all.

Makes me long for all of them to be young again. Going to plays at school. Church plays when he sang 'we are tromping through the village where the great giraffes are stored. (The Battle Hymn) :D
.

[Alty]

My husband sometimes call the kids "maggots" in a loving way. It's a long story, came from a scene in a movie, and trust me, it's not said in a cruel way at all. It's always said in fun, and the kids get a laugh out of it, as do we.

My son is 11, my daughter 7, and not once have they ever called another person a "maggot". It's our thing. They don't want to share that memory with anyone else, because it is a fun memory, something that always makes us laugh.

I understand the fear that you're teaching the child to name call, but there is such a thing as being too careful. If I had to watch everything I said to or in front of my kids, I'd be afraid to talk.

The most important lesson I teach my children is that I'm human. I make mistakes. They'll make mistakes. They know that name calling isn't nice. Have they done it? Heck you. They know that swearing is bad. Has it slipped out? Yup. Do they do it because they don't care? No. They're always sorry when it slips, but they're human, and so is everyone they'll ever have to deal with in their lives.

Teaching them right from wrong is what's important. I don't think that filtering everything you say to them is necessary. Sooner or later they'll be out in the real world and most people don't have a filter. Better to be prepared than kept in a bubble.

So have fun. As long as he knows it's something the two of you do, that it's all in fun, I don't see the problem.

Just my opinion. I know many won't agree.