[Kitkat22]

Who knows what the future holds?
If he's the one it will happen someday.
Be strong and we're here.

[stbmrsd]

This is the reply I got from him when I said I would like for us to talk :/ I might be reading in to it since I am so unsure of everything but to me it seems like he is saying what he thinks I want to hear but sort of really wants it to be over But I don't know unless we talk how does he know I am to upset to talk ? I am not upset really I am scary calm.. Anyway I guess I put the ball back in his hands once more

We will talk, I think it's best to wait until emotions calm down. Right now, I have no idea what I would even say to you. I need time to figure out what I want. And I have been thinking of you as well. I don't know how things could ever be the same after what I've put you through.

[Homegirl 50]

You did not answer his e-mail right away and you don't know what your friends have been saying to him.
Wait until you have your talk. Don't read anything in to this

[Kitkat22]

If you want any chance with this man at all, you need to wait and let him say what he has to say.

[stbmrsd]

So We have had the discussion going on about the called off wedding so that's over and done with the engagement is broken his choice not mine. But I agree with it ,it was fast now what .
I did the NC then my friends started running their mouths and got things all messed up something I had no control of and was to late to stop .I made sure to tell them all to stop it and to let it be and let us see where this is going to go . I love this man and I do not want him out of my life I think we are worth trying...
So I sent him an email saying I would like to talk about what's next he sends me one back saying we will talk but he doesn't know what to say to me ,Scared it might be to late .
Can one salvage a relationship after an engagement has been broken ? Since we have only been dating a short while before he ask me to marry him .What do you think ?

[aimee_tt]

I think what you need to do is just give him time. Let him come to you. Don't ask him 'when can we talk'. Just let him think for a few days.

If he doesn't Get back to you in a week or so maybe send I'm an e-mail to say are you still keen to have this talk? But again if he doesn't answer don't bug him.

If its meant to be it will be. If its not you will find that special guy.

[talaniman]

Wow, after reading through this whole thread, it only reinforced what's always been said on this site many times

Too much, too fast, crash and burn.

Don't know what the future holds for you both but a time to let the emotional dust settle is what's called for. After getting off a roller coaster, it takes a minute or too to catch your breath, and get your legs under you again.

You both honestly have a lot of baggage to unpack, and not just from each other, but from previous life experiences. That in itself takes time, and not easy for impulsive needy people, as you both are.

I think you see this as a blessing in disguise, and make a plan to honestly evaluate this whole episode and put it into the right context so as to see what really happened, to mature adults acting like kids and following feelings that they never bothered to think about nor cope with. Sorry, you're both guilty of feeding each other Gobble-De-Goop.

You got carried away, and it was all good until the conflicts to your plans showed up, and then you were forced to deal with reality, and not just the fantasy. That was a good thing by the way, over time you will realize how GREAT it really was, as it started awakening some very real common sense to this whole matter.

The dust has yet to settle and must before you can start talking about the ride you just took together, and what's needed is time and the routine of reality as to what you were doing before you met. You have had a chance to see yourself in a real light of facts, and can change what you don't like and keep what you do.

Leave him alone for however long it takes to get your balance back and being able to stand on your own and return to being happy with yourself, and able to be grateful for what you have and the good time you have had with him, and now with yourself, family and friends.

Its tough to wait for all that but you sure can't rush the healing process, and we know that so don't try, just do what you have to, and you do have a lot to focus on, and there is no hurry but the one we put on ourselves.

You asked can people date after an engagement has been canceled? Sure they can if they are patient with themselves, and take all the time they need to sort out their own feelings, before wondering about how someone else feels. You didn't have that patience before, for whatever reason. Now is the time to find it for yourself.

I wish you much luck with that journey, through the healing process. And you will be better, I guarantee it!

[Kitkat22]

It is a good time to reflect on what you really want for you and your children. You went from one relationship right into another. Be alone for a while.

It will be lonely but you'll learn to like the time you have to yourself.
Things may work out and things
May not. As Tal said: both of you have a lot of baggage from your past.

Give him time and take time for yourself... Kit

[stbmrsd]

Well I hadn't been in any relationship for many years before meeting him I dated sure but not commitment type thing . Baggage is something everyone has isn't it ? Life it's self comes with all that . I am giving him space and I am giving me time ,But it hurts my heart non the less . If I dated him 5 years would that make it better that I would be upset over all this ? No I dated him 5 months fell head over hills not at first sight not at all but there was something there from the beginning . He wasn't just a fling he was my dreams sorry if that doesn't cut it but my reason's for loving this man is in my heart and in my soul regardless of the "time" we were together . Anyway I hurt that's all I just hurt .
I always think about what's best for my kids always.. I pour my whole life in to these kids they are my reason for my every movement . Peace all have a lovely 4th

[Kitkat22]

Well I hadn't been in any relationship for many years before meeting him I dated sure but not commitment type thing . Baggage is something everyone has isnt it ? Life it's self comes with all that . I am giving him space and I am giving me time ,But it hurts my heart non the less . If I dated him 5 years would that make it better that I would be upset over all this ? No I dated him 5 months fell head over hills not at first sight not at all but there was something there from the beginning . He wasnt just a fling he was my dreams sorry if that doesnt cut it but my reason's for loving this man is in my heart and in my soul regardless of the "time" we was together . Anyway I hurt thats all I just hurt .
I always think about whats best for my kids always ..I pour my whole life in to these kids they are my reason for my every movement . Peace all have a lovely 4th

Please don't think you're alone... we're here if you need to talk.:)

[Homegirl 50]

I guess the difference between 5 months and 5 years, you would have known each other better.
He does not know you well enough to feel comfortable and you did not know him well enough to know how far you can go with him.
There are things you need to learn about each other.
I hope you two make it.

[stbmrsd]

Been a week since an update. Not much has changed so I guess that's why no updates ,I got 2 emails from him and they both just added salt to the wond . I hate to give up hope but to keep myself sain I have too. My love for him is still very deep but from what he said I am angry at him . I wish there was a way to work it out but I don't see it happening . I never did contact him I kept the NC to the T and when I got each email from him they both threw me for a loop.I would reply to him but it was useless . I will do good one day and then Bam he will write me. My friends are sick of me and my family could careless so I set alone in my pain and trying to move forward and it's so hard to do . I feel like in one moment everything in my life has changed and regrouping has been very hard on me. Anyway that's about it for now :/

[Homegirl 50]

Why did you go NC with him?
I thought you two were going to talk things out. What happened?

[stbmrsd]

I did reply to his emails . But there is an update lol I ran in to him yesterday very odd since we both live 2 hours from where we saw each other . I had no clue he would be there and when I walked in the bar and saw him my heart hit my feet . He came over to me and talked to me he said he didn't want me to think he was a and not speak so we talked . A lot and we hugged I didn't cry yay me lol..
We even danced lol . I told him how I felt I told him even with out getting married I still wanted us and I missed us so much he agreed he missed us too .He told me he loved me but was so confussed by everything and doesn't know how I would ever forgive him . I told him I already did. I told him I understand everything moved so fast and we all got scared . I told him I just wanted to be with him that's it simple as that .
He still said he didn't know and he was confussed .He said he would talk to me later and kissed me and left . We were together for over an hour there was a lot more said I know I just can't think of it all .

After getting in the car with my friend I told her everything that was said and she said to her it sounded like a man who really didn't want to be with me but didn't want to hurt my feelings and was trying to let me down easy . I don't know about all that I know I felt good being near him . So funny the things you miss most his smell his eyes the way he laughs I could have stayed in his arms all day .
So do you think it's a guy trying to let me down easy ?
I ask if there was hope for us and he said he didn't want to answer that . So who knows

[talaniman]

I think you do yourself a lot of justice giving a very confused guy the space to make up his own mind, without your influence.

Keep doing your thing, as you poured your heart out, made your feelings known, and now its all up to him.

Pay attention to see if words match actions. Not just the joy of being with him again. Those are the yearning of an unhealed heart.

Sorry but nothing has changed except your feelings being stirred up, even more.

Darn, why do I have to be a realist, and blow your happy bubble?

[Homegirl 50]

I don't know. You guys cleared the air, I don't know why he is still confused. He didn't want to answer if there was hope for the two of you, that is another I don't know.
Time will tell. If he has not contacted you in a week, I'd let it and him go.

[Kitkat22]

I think he wants to let you down easy.

He wasn't sure before , but he probably is now.

He isn't ready to commit to you or anybody.

I as Tal believe he has just stirred up those old feelings and I too have to burst your bubble.

Get used to being without him and move on. I'm really sorry.

[stbmrsd]

I agree with you all . I hate it but I know it's over

[Kitkat22]

I agree with you all . I hate it but I know it's over

Please know you can keep posting.:)

[Homegirl 50]

Yes, do.
We are here if you need to vent