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talaniman · Jul 11, 2010, 05:46 AM

Don't let ransom thoughts of the past haunt and distract you for long. Yes the happen, but that doesn't mean you let them stay for long. Just focus back on where you're at, who you're with, and what you're doing, and they fade away, like a bad dream.

After you have practiced focusing on the NOW, eventually it becomes automatic, and you won't be haunted so much by the past. Takes time and practice, but you'll get it.

Homegirl 50 · Jul 11, 2010, 09:31 AM

And you will have days like that, but they will become fewer. It takes time. Continue to socialize keep your mind occupied knowing she will creep in from time to time, that way it will not be a surprise and it won't bum you out.
When she takes up space in your head, tell yourself you will not go there today.

Ther4peuticH3at · Jul 11, 2010, 10:27 AM

Thanks yet again for the encouragement. I know it probably doesn't seem like it, but I really am working on this. And I know I'll "get there", it's just that sometimes it's hard to remember how.

Kitkat22 · Jul 11, 2010, 11:17 AM

Originally Posted by Ther4peuticH3at

Thanks yet again for the encouragement. I know it probably doesn't seem like it, but I really am working on this. And I know I'll "get there", it's just that sometimes it's hard to remember how.

You just have to take it one step at a time. You'll do it and you'll be a better, stronger person for it. Be aware, we are here if you need to vent.:)

Ther4peuticH3at · Jul 12, 2010, 10:44 AM

An old friend stopped by for a visit, and she happens to be fairly well connected with friends of my ex.

So this same person, sends me a txt this morning. We went through some details about her upcoming wedding (in a few weeks), then (yet again) she mentions in passing some details about my ex. Very vague, she says "Not sure how this will make you feel but ____ leaving you just smacked her in the face"... I mustered up a world of courage that I wasn't sure I even had not inquire any further.

Later, she (the friend) catches me on Facebook chat and brings it up again. Struggling to maintain my composure, I refrain from asking her what the details are. I tell her I don't want to know...

This is SO hard. I don't even know how I'm not like all over this right now. Maybe just that I've made a habit of keeping myself out of her business. Yet, my nerves are crap right now. My stomach is in knots, I can barely type straight...

Homegirl 50 · Jul 12, 2010, 11:13 AM

I would not call this a friend. I don't understand the point of bringing this girl up.
Some people are just so thoughtless and immature.

You are getting better, it will get better.

talaniman · Jul 12, 2010, 11:46 AM

Puzzles me why you have not just informed your friend that since you no longer are involved with the ex, you see no need to talk further about her. This is more about how YOU handle these situations than about the ex.

Being wishy washy of how you express yourself to friends like these is what's frustrating you so be more direct and let then know the door is closed and you are moving forward.

Kitkat22 · Jul 12, 2010, 01:06 PM

Take the friend off Facebook and anyone else who is making the healing harder.

You don't need this.

Homegirl 50 · Jul 12, 2010, 01:21 PM

Have to spread some rep. I agree with both of you talinman and KitKat22

Ther4peuticH3at · Jul 12, 2010, 01:23 PM

I appreciate the advice, but this "friend" is more like family to me. I can't explain why she's been acting this way, I figured she'd know better. Maybe she thinks I'm stronger/farther along than I really am. Nevertheless, I think I've made it pretty clear where I stand, and I don't expect to hear ____'s name out of her mouth again. If it happens again, my "friend" and I will certainly bump heads, but for now, I'll give the benefit of the doubt.

All the same, after all the winding up this brought me, I somehow feel a bit better... Sadly, I think bad new for ___ makes life a bit easier for a part of me... I guess I'm human after all.

Kitkat22 · Jul 12, 2010, 01:44 PM

Originally Posted by Ther4peuticH3at

I appreciate the advice, but this "friend" is more like family to me. I can't explain why she's been acting this way, I figured she'd know better. Maybe she thinks I'm stronger/farther along than I really am. Nevertheless, I think I've made it pretty clear where I stand, and I don't expect to hear ____'s name out of her mouth again. If it happens again, my "friend" and I will certainly bump heads, but for now, I'll give the benefit of the doubt.

All the same, after all the winding up this brought me, I somehow feel a bit better... Sadly, I think bad new for ___ makes life a bit easier for a part of me... I guess I'm human after all.

Then tell her to knock off the talk about your ex. Be emphatic! Enough is enough!

Ther4peuticH3at · Aug 11, 2010, 10:17 AM

So, I just broke NC a few seconds ago...

She sent me a txt about a hoodie of mine that she'd found and wondered if I wanted back. I told her to keep it and she responded with a big fat apology for how she'd dogged me. And the last thing she said was "I'm not seeing anyone I know you don't care just thought I would say".

I'm actually still txting her. No idea what the frak I'm doing... This wasn't how I'd planned to handle this sort of thing.

talaniman · Aug 11, 2010, 10:19 AM

No Comment.

Ther4peuticH3at · Aug 11, 2010, 10:26 AM

Thanks tal...

Frak I'm stupid. Hopefully I can handle this. I'll try not to dig myself too deep a hole.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 11, 2010, 11:35 AM

I think you two are going to go back and forth until one of you just gets tired.
You don't know what you want and until you do you are going to be playing yo yo with her.
Any advice goes in one ear and out the other.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

Kitkat22 · Aug 11, 2010, 11:40 AM

The next time she says; "I'm not seeing anyone"... I suggest you telling her this: "that's really great...you need to take abreather and I wish you well, but to be honest, I don't really care".

Just an opinion

Ther4peuticH3at · Aug 12, 2010, 07:48 AM

Thanks for everything guys (and gals). Without getting into any details, I'm pretty good (pretty awesome actually) after breaking a few rules and risking a loss of sanity, a loss of peace of mind. Really good advice, but not necessarily applicable to me. Now it just feels like I've got tangible proof of the sense that I'm very well adjusted at this point, and I couldn't have gotten here without you guys.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 12, 2010, 07:58 AM

Lets hope so.

kctiger · Aug 12, 2010, 08:14 AM

Originally Posted by Ther4peuticH3at

Thanks for everything guys (and gals). Without getting into any details, I'm pretty good (pretty awesome actually) after breaking a few rules and risking a loss of sanity, a loss of peace of mind. Really good advice, but not necessarily applicable to me. Now it just feels like I've got tangible proof of the sense that I'm very well adjusted at this point, and I couldn't have gotten here without you guys.

I think you feel good because she isn't seeing anyone and told you this. I know that always gave me a piece of mind when my ex would tell me this. It gave me a sense of comfort and some sort of hope. Just my opinion. Perhaps you really are adjusted and put together as you proclaim.

asking · Aug 12, 2010, 12:06 PM

Originally Posted by Ther4peuticH3at

Thanks for everything guys (and gals). Without getting into any details, I'm pretty good (pretty awesome actually) after breaking a few rules and risking a loss of sanity, a loss of peace of mind. Really good advice, but not necessarily applicable to me. Now it just feels like I've got tangible proof of the sense that I'm very well adjusted at this point, and I couldn't have gotten here without you guys.

You are probably happy that she hasn't replaced you yet.