[LJDK]

Hi.
The last few days I have been very depressed. Its to such an extent that I barely eat or sleep. In the last 4 days I only ate 1 bowl of cerial in the mornings. I just can't eat.

It all started a while ago with my fiancé being down and distant.
Eventually she cracked down and told me a few things how we don't have fun anymore etc.

I have come to the realization that we suffer from heart and lung syndrome. We do too much together. This is where my mental health comes in. I have serious trust issues which seems to be getting worse.

This is preventing me from going to do things with my friends because I know she will be going out with her friends. I have to seriously get over this trust issue. I just cannot cope with it anymore, constantly having to excuse myself from the office to go to the car and calm down before I break down and cry. Its frustrating me to think I cannot live my life the way I want to, just because previous GF's cheated on me and now I'm constantly haunted by this notion that this is what reality is.

How can I get over this? Please. Its destroying my life.

[Just_Another_Lemming]

LJDK, initially I thought you might just be experiencing the stress & usual cold feet of an impending wedding but after reading a number of your posts and going back to a year ago when you first started posting, I think it would be VERY beneficial for you to seek out the help of a qualified therapist. I am trying to put this as kindly as I can but it isn't easy. You appear to be having some serious trouble recognizing, managing, & utilizing the usual life coping skills that most of us learn to use as we mature. Frankly, I was astonished when I read in one of your most recent posts about how you dealt with a family member's little dog:

"My fiancé, her mom and her sister were all mad at me because I couldn't take it anymore, this thing constantly at my feet jumping all in my face and licking me the whole time. Eventually I snapped and kicked that little thing over the entire living room.

Was great fun."

Don't you see anything wrong with what you wrote? On top of your trust & control issues, there appears to be a cruel streak/anger management issue within you that you need to address ASAP. You need to ask yourself what will you do if you become a parent who has a couple of small children who are rambunctious, run around, jump on you, all the while screaming, "Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy,. " non-stop when you are really tired and stressed from work, and won't listen to any attempts at reasoning from you trying to get them to calm down? Very young children do this. A lot. You need to recognize and accept that you may not respond the way you should. With that in mind, you need some help from a professional to learn how to properly cope with life's challenges when things don't go the way you feel they should. You need to recognize that you not only have trust issues but you have anger and control issues as well. Your impending marriage will not stand a chance of success if you don't know how to 1. relax and be fine with allowing your spouse the autonomy to interweave her life & friendships with yours, 2. learn the delicate art of compromise and readily accept the fact that you cannot control what someone else chooses to do, and 3. learn how to keep your temper in check.

[LJDK]

Now that you point that out I actually do have a control issue. As for temper, its hard to say but truth be told I was not upset at the dog. I just did not like it.

I would rather describe that as I lack of self control when it comes to things I do not care much for. Like someone else's dog for instance. Its not that I really snapped in the sense of anger building up. I just felt annoyed and did not see why not to kick the dog.

I don't care for it. Why should I restrain myself? Which brings me to my point. Apart from the above comments another lemming, there is one more thing I have noticed. A behaviour change in myself, I am slowly growing indiferent towards anything other than me. Like this plague of selfishness has befallen me. Honestly.

A few years ago I would not have kicked the dog. I know I need professional help. Sigh.

[J_9]

I just felt annoyed and did not see why not to kick the dog.

I dont care for it. Why should i restrain myself?

Because it's abuse. What should happen when you do have children and you don't "care" for one of your children's rambunctious friends?

[LJDK]

I won't kick and kid. But I see where you are going with this.
And I guess I understand. Time to cut on some spending to get some help. These issues that's a part of me, has been coming for a long time and is now reaching the tipping point.

[Just_Another_Lemming]

As for temper, its hard to say but truth be told i was not upset at the dog. I just did not like it.

I would rather describe that as i lack of self control when it comes to things i do not care much for. Like someone elses dog for instance. Its not that i really snapped in the sense of anger building up. I just felt annoyed and did not see why not to kick the dog.

I dont care for it. Why should i restrain myself? Which brings me to my point. Apart from the above comments another lemming, there is one more thing i have noticed. A behaviour change in myself, i am slowly growing indiferent towards anything other than me. Like this plague of selfishness has befallen me. Honestly.

a few years ago i would not have kicked the dog. I know i need professional help. Sigh.

Kiddo, lets not get into semantics here. If you feel you are suffering from lack of self-control (which I do agree with after reading your response), it is just an additional issue to be tacked onto the list you need to discuss with a qualified professional. Frankly, I am very worried about what you have just written here. Something deeper is going on with you and you need some help. Please do not put it off. Get it now because if you do manage to walk down the aisle and make it through the ceremony, you are absolutely setting your marriage up for immediate failure.
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[slapshot_oi]

I just got one question: are you bored? I mean in general, like do you have any interests of your own and long-term goals outside of your relationship and work.

[Jake2008]

You are going to be the same person you are now, that you will be when you get married.

I would put any commitment off that major in your life, until you get yourself under control.

Your behaviour is indicative, as others have said, of far more serious problems. Because you are feeling the way you are, you may not think that this is all that serious, but that too, is a sign that you are in need of help.

It's not like you cut your finger, you see blood, you get a bandaide, problem solved.

This has far more to do with your behaviour, your thoughts, and your actions, that have come to such a point where you are now tuning out the world, and losing... yourself.

You have to trust honest opinions, based on how you have described your life, to indicate that help is needed. You may not see clearly why, when all things are added up, you withdraw from life, when the rest of us see the reason for that, as mental health issues.

For now, try not so much to figure out why you do what you do, or think the way you do, or how depressed and afraid you are, as you've said in your question. Think instead of only one thing, and that is finding a lifeline to identify and correct these problems.

Professional help is desperately needed.

[jmjoseph]

You are upset with yourself so you kick a defenseless dog? That's cowardly behavior.

Go get counseling.