[cindy0101]

I need URGENT advice, on how to trust my Husband, he has done certain things in the past,for example peeping in on woman, and has admitted to this, but I think that other things has happened,but he denies it, he did admit to me years ago that I shouldn't trust him,because he doesn't know what he would do if a woman stands in front of him, because he is a failure in life (this is what his family always told him) the next day I asked him if he is feeling better he said yes, then said to me that he was just very confused and that if a woman has to stand naked he would run away - which deep down I know he would, he has never cheated on me this I am certain on. How can I trust him and how can I forget the past, and just focus on the future? All these issues happened around 10 years ago,there are so many episodes, and I can't get over it, and I draw things out of proportion, I keep focusing on the past. This is damaging my marriage, as I keep repeating my questions to him. I have tried to see councellers but I am still battling with this, I know that I am sounding pathetic, but I need help please.

[Just_Another_Lemming]

Cindy, by your own admission this lack of trust, the questions, the problems, have been going on for 10 years. You also state you keep focusing on the past, you can't get over it, and it is damaging your marriage.

It is time to stop and take a breath. Recognize that there is no quick fix and you need some one on one help with this. Then, find a good marriage counselor. There is no shame in it and at this point, it is your only hope in saving your marriage. Call your insurance company to find out if they cover counseling and if there is a list of approved marriage counselors that you can choose from. If they don't cover counseling, start at this web site.

The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory

[Cat1864]

I need URGENT advice, on how to trust my Husband, he has done certain things in the past,for example peeping in on woman, and has admitted to this, but I think that other things has happened,but he denies it, he did admit to me years ago that I shouldnt trust him,because he doesnt know what he would do if a woman stands in front of him,

all these issues happened around 10 years ago,there are so many episodes, and I can't get over it, and I draw things out of proportion, I keep focusing on the past. This is damaging my marraige, as I keep repeating my questions to him. I have tried to see councellers but I am still battling with this, I know that I am sounding pathetic, but I need help please.

Were all of the episodes ten years ago or have they happened over the course of ten years? What type of episodes are you talking about: feeling insecure; him doing something he shouldn't; questioning his actions even though they seem innocent; is he still 'peeping'; etc.

Have you been to marriage counseling with him?

Has he gotten help for what he was doing in the past or did he just tell you he stopped doing them?

[cindy0101]

Thanks for the reply.
The episode of him peeping happened 10 years ago, other incedients happened where he was accused of "feeling other woman off" which I don't think happened as the person that said these things was a trouble maker, the other small

[Cat1864]

Cindy, would you please use the My Answer box at the bottom of the thread to write your response. The Reply button is extremely limited in how much it allows you to type. As you can see it cut-off part of what you said.

Thank you.

[talaniman]

I don't think the newbies have a choice because of the new skin they get defaulted to.

To the OP, I would tend to believe this guy, and get him some help, so the truth can be revealed.

[donf]

Cindy,

In the world I grew up in, trust was/is something that is earned.

What has your husband done to earn your trust?

Being married does not carry with it an implicit level of trust.

Look at his current behavior. Is this behavior telling you that he is trustworthy?

I would like to say that if a naked woman suddenly appeared in front of me I would look away. But to be honest I would probably gape at her in pure delight. I'm a guy! I exist on one plane (Geometrically speaking) with three intersecting points. Food, Football and Women.

I am also married and that said I am very committed to my Lady, I would not want to hurt her, so (to my untested self) I suspect that at some point reality would interject itself and I would walk/run/drive away.

Would I go out of my way to put myself in that position, never!

I do not buy his act. He needs to grow up and act like a husband..