[GreenTea]

I'm 19 and she's 20 -- We were in a relationship for 3-4 months and then broke up but didn't stop acting like we were in a relationship.. we ended up going across the country together and then things fell apart. This is basically because I just didn't accept her for who she was, she's a little off and at the time she didn't really represent the kind of person I wanted to date. I was in fact embarrassed to be in a public place with her because I thought she was rude.

After I had said some really awful things to her we didn't talk for about two months. I thought I had gotten over her during this time until I started thinking about her while dating other girls. It got so bad that I couldn't do anything with these girls and I then realized "my kind of girl" was her, not some perfect girl from the suburbs. A few days after I realized this she left me a message telling me where I could get this towel that I wanted of all things. So when I had the chance I messaged her but wasn't met with a very warm reception, but after about 20 minutes of bugging her she granted me 30 minutes to explain. The 30 minutes stretched to about an hour and a half, during that time I explained to her that I realized I was a jerk and that I now accepted her for who she was and that I was really very sorry. Eventually a few days later she said that we could be friends.

For the past month we have been hanging out a lot, I don't think I've ever been this happy. I think she's really happy too. Over the past month she's slowly been asking to see me more. This past week we've basically seen each other at every moment possible, hell I even pick her up from school. She'll even kiss me (not on the lips) and tell me she loves me. There's one big problem though, she doesn't want a relationship with anyone. I'm not angry about it because it doesn't apply to only me, but I'd obviously like her to change that attitude and have one with me. I don't like to admit it but I'm getting so frustrated I've started to cry about this because it's killing me. What do I do?

[Dragonfire24]

You have to bite your lip and be patient. You had problems before but you've come back together, even though it is not a relationship. She is probably worried that things will go sour, but if the feelings you have for each other are true then it should work out in the end.

[Bluerose]

You need to listen to her. She might just be doing some thinking, and need some time to sort her own thoughts out. Sound like you might be friends if you were willing to give it a go and not push for something she isn't ready for.

Back off a little and be a good friend, maybe that's what she needs right now.

[talaniman]

She is taking you slow and checking you out, so be patient and be a good friend and don't start whining and crying about you want more. Go slow with her, and get to know each other, this is how great relationships are built.Recognise you have one smart, mature cookie there, fella. She is looking to see if you're a MAN or a boy. Now which do you think she wants?

[GreenTea]

Thanks for your answers. Sorry that I didn't say thanks sooner, I actually managed to lose this site until now so I couldn't really say anything.

Anyway more time has gone by obviously and well.. nothing has happened yet. Though it gave me a chance to grow up a little.. She told me today that her parents want me over for dinner again. She noticed that my heart was racing and said that this made her happy (also said she was happy to be around me) because she knew it meant I wanted to be around her.

I don't like the question I'm about to ask, but I believe I should.. how long should I wait? I'm willing to wait for a long time.. but I don't want to become hopelessly in love with someone who doesn't have the courage to start a relationship with me. Any other advice regarding my situation would be greatly appreciated.. I figure I may not be asking the right questions seeing as I have no idea what I'm doing so, thanks in advance.

[Capuchin]

Hi Greentea,

I have to say I'm in a very similar situation to you, except me and her live a long distance away, and we can only meet up a few times a year - which isn't good for a relationship.

I think you have to stand back and just be happy with how far you've come. You've built the relationship back to a state where she will always be in your life, and that is a wonderful thing in itself, whether you're in a relationship or not.

I think you should be not only prepared, but happy to wait as long as it takes. But don't get tied down. Feel free to date other people as long as you explain the situation to her and make sure she understands.

Falling in love is a problem. I find it easier to view my relationship with this woman as a very fond friendship rather than a love.

Everyone is different and has a different outlook on life... but I hope this helps.

[talaniman]

What are you waiting for? For the next year, just date and have fun and get to know each other. Why rush when you can take your time and go with the flow. That's what dating is all about. Rushing in, and getting to serious now can be a disaster, and neither one of you knows enough about each other, so go slow. Leave the serious stuff for much later. I can see your already ready to declare your undying love and devotion and be all up under her right now, but hold off and balance your life with other things beside trying to put your heart in her back pocket. Go slow take your time, and do it right and have fun.

[GreenTea]

Hmm, okay.. I see your point. For some reason it just makes more sense when I hear it from other people. I can totally see what she's up to now. Thanks!