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Tanasia123 · Jul 5, 2010, 05:49 PM

Hey my name is tanasia and me and my boifriend jonathan have been together for almost 10 months now.. we were the perfect couple at first and then I found he had cheated with his ex girlfriend.. but I took him bak.. kal me crazy but that's what love does.. but anyway after that we got rite bak on track then we started arguing all the time and I don't know things are just different now.. he used to always tell me how much he loved me and wanted to be with me.. and now he hardly even says it.. only when I say it first.. and he just isn't as romantic and loving as he used to be.. he says he's just tired of me.. because he feels like I want everything a certain way and he doesn't like that.. but I totally disagree.. but I don't know he says he wants to be with me and his feelings are still the same.. but I'm not sure.. should I move on? Or stay and hope things change? I want to be with him but I can't take this big change.. do you think he's redy to move on? I don't know I culd use sum rely good advice rite now.. please help..

BWK10 · Jul 5, 2010, 05:54 PM

"or stay and hope things change"... things don't change.

Tanasia123 · Jul 5, 2010, 05:57 PM

So you think I should move on

ISneezeFunny · Jul 5, 2010, 06:50 PM

Along with what BWK10 said... things don't change... yet they did with your boyfriend. After he cheated, something changed in your dynamic. Perhaps the way you treat/talk to him changed... perhaps his feelings/mind changed.. something changed. I suggest you have an open and honest talk with him and try to figure out where all this is going before you get hurt further.

Cat1864 · Jul 5, 2010, 07:53 PM

A friendly bit of advice: Please do not use chat speak/text talk. It is against site rules and can get your post and/or thread deleted. Using whole words makes it much easier to understand what you are trying to say and ask. Less misunderstandings and confusion leads to better advice.

He cheated on you. That fact alone is enough to cause everything in a relationship to change. It seems to me that you both got back together without working through the issues and rebuilding the trust which was heavily damaged if not destroyed.

I think the relationship is now one of habit instead of love and trust. You can try talking with each other and listening to what the other has to say, however, I think letting go and really giving yourselves a chance to heal and deal with the past might be the best way to go.

Kitkat22 · Jul 5, 2010, 08:06 PM

I think you're both miserable and you're waiting for one of you to end it.

Trust is gone and I think the love is too. Get away and start fresh.

talaniman · Jul 5, 2010, 09:06 PM

He said he doesn't want you, and the cheating is all the evidence you need to let him go.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html

Kitkat22 · Jul 5, 2010, 09:08 PM

Don't be a doormat. He doesn't love you. Get away from him and find yourself respect.

vanheart · Jul 5, 2010, 09:42 PM

No trust. I don't blame you.

Not the kind of person I would want to be with.

Look out next time.

Starry nights · Jul 5, 2010, 10:03 PM

Let go."Tired of being with you"--hello,is he doing a favour by staying despite being tired of being with you?

You don't NEED anybody with an approach to you/your relationship like this.The NEED is in your mind and has taken possession of you.Do away with that NEED immediately and break free.

vanheart · Jul 5, 2010, 10:27 PM

Was just thinking tonight.

Ive been going through some bad thoughts that don't matter.

We all do it. Just try to keep those at a minimum. And deal when they pop up.

Its all about thoughts. And being in control of them.
Then acting on the ones we know are right.

From mistakes.

positiveparent · Jul 6, 2010, 01:14 PM

I have said this to others who came her for advice, Never ever ever NEED anyone, want them yes that's good it a healthy thing and we are all prone to it, but Need, no don't do it, it renders you to clingy & desperate, because in many ways that's what it means when anyone says I need him or I need her.

You don't need anyone, you've got yourself, and that's the most reliable person you'll ever know, and that's all you need, its right there inside you.

I advise as others here do, cut your losses, and end this relationship, its going no where but the dump, so bow out gracefully, and if any other b/f cheats on you in future, Walk out the door don't look back, and don't collect 200$$ because they're not worth the effort, and you don't want that type of b/f anyway, because you're worth more, never forget that,

Good Luck, and lose the cheater.

Homegirl 50 · Jul 6, 2010, 01:31 PM

.. he says hes just tired of me.. because he feels like i want everything a certain way and he doesn't like that.. but i totally disagree..
Whether you agree or not, does not matter. 'It is how he feels. He cheated on you, what's to question?
Spare yourself some dignity and walk away. Don't ever beg a cheater to stay with you. It is not attractive to either party.

Tanasia123 · Jul 6, 2010, 01:40 PM

Everybody keeps saying need.. I never said I needed him.. and cheating was a strong word to use.. he just kisssed her.. its not like they had sexual relations.. it was just a kiss..

1800proof · Jul 6, 2010, 01:52 PM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

I think the relationship is now one of habit instead of love and trust. You can try talking with each other and listening to what the other has to say, however, I think letting go and really giving yourselves a chance to heal and deal with the past might be the best way to go.

I completely agree with Cat. Also, ten months is a little early to be going through the challenges that you are going through. Not to say that there is any right time for problems to happen... but if it is occurring this early, then maybe this isn't the right relationship -- for both of you.

positiveparent · Jul 6, 2010, 01:56 PM

Sorry OP you are correct you didn't say you needed him, however you did say
" he says hes just tired of me.. "

To me that remark on its own speaks volumes, he's tired of you, you do say he cheated with his ex g/f though.

Lets add it all up,
He cheated with his ex, in some way,
He hardly bothers to tell you he cares
He isn't romantic any more
He tells you he is tired of you

Do you see what I see here,? He wants out of the relationship, he's as good as cut himself out of it emotionally as it is.

Please OP do yourself a favour, and leave this person, you're wasting your life and love on him, and I also feel that you too can see this, it feels hard to accept its over but really it is all the signs are there.

Let go move on and rebuild your own life and please don't allow anyone to treat you in this way, you're a human too, and you too have feelings. And are entitled to be respected.

Homegirl 50 · Jul 6, 2010, 02:30 PM

You asked for advice, you got it. It is just not the advice you wanted.
Everything you write says this guy is not wanting to be with you.
Take it at face value.

Cat1864 · Jul 6, 2010, 05:06 PM

Originally Posted by Tanasia123

Everybody keeps saying need.. i never said i needed him.. and cheating was a strong word to use.. he just kisssed her.. its not like they had sexual relations.. it was just a kiss..

Then why did you use it?

Originally Posted by Tanasia123

then i found he had cheated with his ex gf.. but i took him bak...

Why did you have to 'take him back' if it was 'just a kiss' and it didn't/doesn't bother you?

Be honest with yourself as you were with us in your question. The 'kiss' bothered you enough to react strongly and negatively to what he did.

I think deep down you knew you were going to be told to let him and the relationship go. Most people who come here already know the answer whether they want to face it or not.

I get the impression that you are young and this is a new experience for you. Learning to let go is a very hard lesson, but you take with you more understanding of what you want in a partner and relationship.

Let go and let yourself heal. Then find someone who wants to be with you and build a better relationship with you.

Tanasia123 · Jul 7, 2010, 01:04 PM

Well thank you for all of the advice ill take evertythiong you said into consideration.. I didn't take him bak after the kiss we never ended anything.. that's why I said cheated was a bad way to put it... but thanks..

Homegirl 50 · Jul 7, 2010, 01:13 PM

Cheated or not. He kissed another girl, does that make it not so bad.
He said he is tired of you and you are questioning whether you should stay with him. You want to stay with someone who feels this way about you? How hurtful and rude! Come on girl, get a clue! He is not the only guy in the world.