[leothelion09]

My daughter is 3 years old and her father and I are currently going through a messy separation. We try not to be hostile with each other in front of her .

We split up 9 months a go after an argument about him being possibly unfaithful as he has had affairs in the past. He stated he was having an affair but within in a day of leaving he was slepping with the girl I suspected of seeing behind my back and ever since then when ever he has had my daughter on our 2 agreed days he has never spent the day with her on her own as he has had this girl with them all the time. I didn't agree with it at first as I don't believe he should introduce some he is just sleeping with to my daughter but once they became and item a month later I accepted it. At first he didn't have her overnight as he didn't have a bed for her but once he got one she started staying at his of a night but because he had moved back in with his parents he had to share a room with my daughter and after a while she came home and told me she had seen daddy and his girlfriend in bed together even though I had asked him not to have her there of a night and he promised he wouldn't so I stopped the overnight contact and said not until he had a room for her or until he stopped having the grlfriend ovr night.

4 weeks a go I went into hospital for a routine day op and was meant to be out the same day but there was complications and I had to stay in for a week so to help my family out who work full time and some on shifts I asked him to take her a few nights but yet again asked nicely not to have her there of a night as my daughter and her dad still shared a room.

Now ever since then if I have friends round of an evening for a catch up she is refusing to come into my bedroom in the mornings when she wakes up until I go get her and prove that there is no one in the house. She knows all my mates and they have stayed in the past on the couch and she has never had a problem. I am just wondering if maybe she has seen something while staying at her dads and if so has this affected her in any way and this behavior isn't normal for her at all and I'm really concerned for her as it is puttin me in a position with her dad as he is about to move in with the girlfriend and my daughter will have her own room but in concerned as to whether they will put her wellbeing first or will she get worse with the behavior as the other week he took her to watch the world cup in a bar and she feel hitting her head and neither of them would take her the hospital toget checked out. I really don't know what to do for the best as I would like her to have contact with her dad but am I puttin her in physical and emotional danger allowing it.

[Fr_Chuck]

Well first unless there is something in the separation and child custody paper work that both of you can't have over night guests, get over it, he will date and he will have women over, obviously he may not like your "mates" on the couch either.

So yes she is having issues because it is obvoius that you and your family are talking about her daddy and what he is doing. And she hears it. And most likely they are also talking about the way you are acting also.

And yes, talking bad about her daddy so much is putting her in emotional harm

[leothelion09]

There isn't any set agreement that he would have her at all at the momenet as we where trying to sort it with out the courts etc getting involved. And my family and myself do not dicuss any of this in front of her and we do not bad mouth her father in front of her at all you have just asumed we do and the mates that stay on the couch are actually his mates to as we have the same circul of friends and have stayed over after catch ups in the past when he still lived here so he would have nothing to say about my behavior as my children come first before anything else.

[kp2171]

It should be expected that a separation will cause confusion.

Neutral on the kid falling thing... my son, at age 3, often had multiple bumps and bruises on his head, usually around the time of family pics and holidays. Happened so often we called then his "devil horns"...

So...

The short of it all is that you don't get to dictate who your ex is with, and you should expect it to be confusing for a time... because it is confusing.

He should be willing to schedule his life around his daughters within reason... I don't see how asking a girlfriend to step back when his child is over, especially early on, is all that hard... but again... the honest truth is she has a right to know her dad... even if you'd rather he be someone else...

After all... if he were someone else maybe you'd be together?

The 3-6 year range is wild and fun and maddening and bizarre. Imaginations are running wild. Awareness of self and others is developing. They aren't little adults... so... give her some time to adjust and work things out... be clear in your expectations of what is OK or not (like the bar) but stay out of his bedroom.