[bigberry090]

I just wish I had someone close to me to talk to. I love hearing her voice though. I need something to keep me busy at nights.

[bigberry090]

Well I just talked to her ana she said we can hang out after I get off work and talk about this. I asked if she was dating that guy and she said they were just talking and having fun. I really want her back. I just need to find out if she wants us or something else because I can't spend these nights wondering what she's doing, who she is with, and if she's OK. I can't do this anymore. This tears me apart. I would rather be hit by a car then to feel this again. I would never wish this much pain upon someone ever. This is worse then death. At least after death you wouldn't feel the pain anymore. One thing I've learned from this is that love is the most powerful thing I know of. It can hurt and heal. If it is true it can bring great happiness and if it is "miss used" it can hurt like nothing ever in this world. There is not a single thing that has hurt more than this. Love may be used but not abused.

[Homegirl 50]

She has told you that she is hanging out with this guy. What do you think getting together with her is going to tell you?
She is obviously doing OK.

I think it may do you good to talk to a professional about these feelings you're having. This is not the end of the world, just the one you are familiar with.
Sometimes we have to let go to grow up and that can be painful.

[positiveparent]

well i just talked to her ana she said we can hang out after i get off work and talk about this. i asked if she was dating that guy and she said they were just talking and having fun. i really want her back. i just need to find out if she wants us or something else because i can't spend these nights wondering what shes doing, who she is with, and if shes ok. i can't do this anymore. this tears me apart. i would rather be hit by a car then to feel this again. i would never wish this much pain upon someone ever. this is worse then death. at least after death you wouldnt feel the pain anymore. one thing ive learned from this is that love is the most powerful thing i know of. it can hurt and heal. if it is true it can bring great happiness and if it is "miss used" it can hurt like nothing ever in this world. there is not a single thing that has hurt more than this. love may be used but not abused.

I hope you're prepared for her to maybe tell you she doesn't want to get back into a relationship.

Its your life and you will do whatever you want regardless of what advice you are given on this site.

However try not to get your hopes up, she's agreed to meet you to talk, so talk to her, and also listen to her, try not to appear to desperate, act cool, and calm, try not to go over as being needy and desperate, that won't help you at all, I agree that it is good to let someone know you care, but to be honest women are really turned off by a man who comes across as clingy, needy, and desperate, most if not all women are put off by these things in a man, I think most women, prefer the strong confident assured together type of man, for some reason, that type of man seems much more appealing and dependable.

Most women I know would agree with what Ive just written, we also want our men to be someone we know can deal with a crisis, and also look after us, even if we are ourselves, strong independent women, its feels good knowing the man we love is capable of looking after us if need be, and if you go all needy and clingy on her, possibility of her thinking " get a life" is very high.

You don't want her pity you want her respect, and needy won't get it...

Good luck for when you meet up with her...

Even if she agrees to give the relationship another chance I believe you'll be back at this stage within a few months, you haven't given her any space without you for a long enough time span, I believe she might go back with you because to her it may seem easier than dealing with the guilt trips,so it won't work.

Do you really want to be a charity case??

Had you spent some time in NC and worked on yourself you might get her back because she wants that, but not whilst you're like you are, shell feel like she's your mother...

[Homegirl 50]

I hope youre prepared for her to maybe tell you she doesnt want to get back into a relationship.

Its your life and you will do whatever you want regardless of what advice you are given on this site.

However try not to get your hopes up, shes agreed to meet you to talk, so talk to her, and also listen to her, try not to appear to desperate, act cool, and calm, try not to go over as being needy and desperate, that wont help you at all, I agree that it is good to let someone know you care, but to be honest women are really turned off by a man who comes across as clingy, needy, and desperate, most if not all women are put off by these things in a man, I think most women, prefer the stong confident assured together type of man, for some reason, that type of man seems much more appealing and dependable.

Most women I know would agree with what Ive just written, we also want our men to be someone we know can deal with a crisis, and also look after us, even if we are ourselves, strong independant women, its feels good knowing the man we love is capable of looking after us if need be, and if you go all needy and clingy on her, possibilty of her thinking " get a life" is very high.

You dont want her pity you want her respect, and needy wont get it...

Good luck for when you meet up with her...

Even if she agrees to give the relationship another chance I believe youll be back at this stage within a few months, you havent given her any space without you for a long enough time span, I believe she might go back with you because to her it may seem easier than dealing with the guilt trips,so it wont work.

Do you really want to be a charity case???

Had you spent some time in NC and worked on yourself you might get her back because she wants that, but not whilst youre like you are, shell feel like shes your mother...

Have to spread the rep, but you are so right. Your advice is on spot.

You don't want her to come back because she feels sorry or responsible for you.
Give her space and you need it to heal.

[Alty]

I understand that talking to her is something you want, something you've done for the last 7 years and therefore a hard thing to stop doing.

You're not doing yourself any favors by contacting her, seeing her, continuing to hope that you'll be together.

No contact works. It's not easy, but we suggest it for a reason.

When you go to see her, tell her it's best if you no longer contact each other, that you need to be able to move on, and that means not having her in your life in any way. That means no texting, MSN, Facebook, calls, seeing each other. Absolutely no contact at all.

The first few weeks are the hardest, but this is what you need to do in order to move on. Or you could continue kidding yourself, hope that she'll realize you're the love of her life, sit back and wait, waste your life. Your choice.

We can give you advice, but you have to take it, deal with it, do it. It's not easy, but you can do it and you'll be better off if you do.

[bigberry090]

She called me later last night and said she loves me but she doesn't know if that's enough to keep us together anymore. I told her I know that love is enough to keep us together. She also said I need to change the way I treated her. I honestly I didn't treat her the way she deserved. I would always yell when we got into fights even over the littlest things and called her names. But when I called her names I would just be joking and I've told her that. I've nevea cheated, thought about cheating, or even thought about hitting her. I told her I would stop yelling and calling her names but she said she doesn't think I will change. I got a little more sleep than the past few nights but still didn't get much. Bu everything I do reminds me of her. Just laying in my bed makes me miss her because she isn't there beside me. But I'm trying to stop thinking of her. She doesn't know if she wants to hang out because she said its not fair to me if she decides not to get back together. But at least I would get to see her. I have not been into religious things lately well since I was like 10. But lately I've been praying for strength and forgiveness for everything and asking for a sign and questioning my faith because nothing has happened. I know I still believe I just don't know why I do. My faith used to be love but now there is none in my life. I feel so lifeless and as if I have no spirit. I'm just not sure what to do. I appreciate everyone's input and help but I don't want to give her up. I would do anything just to have her by my side. I want to take everyone's advice but I'm afraid if I stop contact she may think I don't want to get back together. I tell her I love and miss her all the time and its probably not good to do but I don't want her to think that I don't for the slightest second.

[positiveparent]

You know if you were to go NC for a while you would start feeling better, you say you can't do that you want her to know you love her, I disagree, if you want her to know you love her you'll go NC, and during that time, you can make those changes to yourself, and give it a few weeks you'll be a changed Man and a more level headed Man. I honestly feel that with you being as you are, hurt, confused, needy, clingy, and acting desperate, she is only feeling sorry for you, so agrees to meet you to talk to you then like last night she rings you to tell you she's not wanting to meet you after all.

If the truth be known she probably had no intentions of meeting you today to talk things over with you, she merely said that to stop you from harassing her. She wanted a break, you haven't given her one, she has said she doesn't want to be with you, yet you're as good as hounding her trying to force her to go back with you, or as near as damnit then.

Do you know how those actions come across to a female,they come across that she's glad she's out of it, and that you're doing nothing more than showing her you are weak you can't change don't want to change, and aren't going to change. That in turn means she's not going to believe a word you say to her, in the time since you and she parted all you have done is feel sorry for yourself, and made no positive attempt to do anything she has wanted you to do, and that's why you can carry on in the way you are until doomsday, but she wont be coming back to you any time soon, because you're not showing her you can make it on your own.

So are you going to be a man or a mouse? You can mope around saying how heartbroken you are, how you're going to do this for her that for her, but so far its all empty promises and you think she hasn't noticed that, She has you can bet your sweet life she has, and she doesn't want anymore of life with you. You drove her away you drove a wedge between you both, and you're still not making any progress, you come up with excuses ontop of excuses. You need to get a Backbone, and stand up and walk tall like a Man, a Man who knows who he is, and what he's capable of.

We here know it hurts it hurts like hell and its one of the most excrutiating pains ever, and you have said you can't stand the pain, so do something to help ease it to make it go away, and the only way you'll manage to do that is if you go NC, but you don't want to do that, you say you cant, I say you can, and if you don't then expect to live a very lonely miserable existence, can't call it a life because you just isn't living it. You're wallowing, you're actually acting more like a child who lost his favourite toy.

We`ll be here to support you if you go NC, and you can come here everyday and you'll get affection friendship and real support. So how is that going to be so hard to do. Or you continue as you are and go no where, and lose her anyway. You choose...

Its time to take action Mate, real Manly action. So what you waiting for??

Turning to God won't help you either, God Helps those who help themselves and you're not doing your bit, God can also see that your not doing the things you say you'll do too...

Youre actually reinforcing her decision to end it with you while youre as you are.

[bigberry090]

Well I told her we won't talk until she has figured out what she wants and I'm going to hang out with a buddy, his girlfriend, and her friend today. That should get her off my mind for a little while. Tomorrow I am working some overtime to keep busy then I don't know what else.

[peterrrr]

Even though it hurts you're just going to have to find a way to push past this.. I understand how you feel. You've thought everything was perfect. That you were so secure with this person you can trust for ever. But your feelings aren't completely mutual. And she changed. Good thing time only goes by.

[Homegirl 50]

You stay busy and leave her alone.
You are not emotionally healthy at this point so you need to go NC so you can get better.
I still think you need some therapy to help you deal with anger. You say you have even thought about hitting her. Your emotions are all over the place and you are desperate. That is not a good place to be.
Once you begin to heal you may find you no longer have this desperate need for her, you may be ready to spread your wings as she is spreading hers.

[bigberry090]

No I've never thought about hitting her. I would never do that. I must have mis typed it but I have never and never will hit a woman.

[Homegirl 50]

Well you said you've thought about hitting her, that you've yelled at her and called her names, that is an anger problem. Not good.

It's time to grow up and work on yourself so you will be emotionally healthy for whatever or whoever comes your way.


I misunderstood what you wrote, but you do need to stop with the name calling and yelling. No girl wants to or should put up with that. That gets old fast.

[bigberry090]

Yea I know. I went to my dr and talked to him about my anger issues and he gave me some pills to try that will calm me down. I've been taking them for about a day or two now.

[bigberry090]

I need some help. I want to talk to her so bad. I just want to hear her voice. I can't describe how I am feeling or what I exactly want to say. This is so hard to do.

[talaniman]

Play sports?? That's always a distraction. Find something to occupy yourself with while you get use to being without her.

[bigberry090]

I can't really do anything right now. I have to try to get some sleep. I habe to get up for work at 4 am