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em_111 · Jun 29, 2010, 03:04 PM

My boyfriend has depression...
For one is there anything I can do to help him ?
And its really bothering me now, like he'll be angry or forgetfull and blame it on that. For instead a couple of weeks ago he started writing, and told me he'd never felt as happy as he did writing in over year, we've been going out just over a year. He said he thought I was being selfish when I mentioned that that was offensive to me.

Wondergirl · Jun 29, 2010, 03:06 PM

How old is he? He really needs to have a doctor evaluate him. It may be depression, and it may not.

em_111 · Jun 29, 2010, 03:15 PM

He goes to counciling, which has started helping.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 29, 2010, 03:23 PM

Counseling will be good for him.
There is really nothing you can do. You know his condition so you can sympathize, but that does not mean you have to take being insulted or hurt. Don't allow him to use his depression as an excuse to be rude.

Wondergirl · Jun 29, 2010, 03:26 PM

First of all, don't be upset if your boyfriend finds that writing helps him with his depression. I'm the co-leader of a library writers' group that's made up of one teenager who's been in a mental hospital, several adults who have gone through depression and know that writing helps them, one guy with Asperger's syndrome (autism), one pregnant woman, one recent immigrant to the U.S. and several retired people over 60. All of them find joy in writing.

My suggestion to you to help is to encourage his writing. Does he write stories (fiction) or essays (non-fiction)? Why don't you start writing too and share your work with him, ask for his advice? My writing partner will occasionally email me a first sentence and tell me to write a story based on it. (We do that in our writing group too.) Explore the writing thing with your boyfriend and help him discover his talents as a writer.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 29, 2010, 03:30 PM

I guess I didn't understand what you were upset about.
If writing makes him feel better, that is great. Keeping a journal or writing is very good for the soul and mind. Why would you be hurt by that?
A person is not a cure for depression.

em_111 · Jun 29, 2010, 03:39 PM

I know it's a good thing writing is helping him. And he writes fictional stories and I've pretty much turned into an editor for him.

What upset me was that he finds more joy in writing than he ever has with me.

Wondergirl · Jun 29, 2010, 03:52 PM

Originally Posted by em_111

what upset me was that he finds more joy in writing than he ever has with me.

Now c'mon! You know that's not true. He's in a bad place right now, and we want him to find those good places where you and he can enjoy being together and have fun together. If writing helps him get there, that is wonderful! It sounds like you are being supportive with his writing, so keep on doing that. Writing will help him feel good about himself, and when he feels good about himself, he will feel good about you. Can you be patient and be his writing angel?

Homegirl 50 · Jun 29, 2010, 04:43 PM

He is a writer, that is his passion. Many artist are like that. If your relationship is good and you are secure in it, if he loves you no worries. But if this makes you unhappy then you need to decide if you can deal with this.
How long have you two been dating?

talaniman · Jun 30, 2010, 06:14 PM

He is trying to deal with his issues in a positive way and if you want to help, don't be so selfish or take what he is doing for himself so personally.

If you can't handle this then remove yourself, or educate yourself as to what your dealing with. Its seldom about just feeling bad.